DEAR ABBY: My husband and I own a small tennis supply shop. "Jane," a 16-year-old high school student, works part time for us. Although I am 30, Jane and I have been like sisters. She is a beautiful, responsible young lady, but she has a quick temper. An incident two weeks ago has now strained our relationship.

Jane and I were closing the shop one evening when a man came into the store, flashed a gun and demanded our money. He took us into the back room, produced a roll of duct tape and cords, told us to lie face down and said he wouldn't hurt us. Jane suddenly wheeled around and clipped him in the jaw. Hard! The man was at least 6 feet tall, easily half a foot taller than either of us and looked ready to pummel her.

I stepped between them and told him to just tie us up and leave, at which point he obliged. We were then thoroughly taped, gagged and hogtied with the cords. Despite our valiant efforts neither of us could get loose. My husband came looking for me about two hours later and found us still tightly bound.

Since that evening, Jane has been angry. She believes we could have fought him off, although I think she's a little embarrassed about being tied up. I know he would have clobbered us both at the very least, and I feel I did the right thing. What do you think, and how can I restore the relationship between Jane and me? I still feel ... BOUND AND GAGGED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BOUND AND GAGGED: Jane has displaced her righteous anger toward the armed robber onto you. She took a terrible risk by striking out at someone who was holding a gun on the both of you. It could have provoked a tragedy.

Because you still feel "bound and gagged," you could benefit from counseling with a therapist who specializes in post-traumatic stress. And while you're at it, take Jane with you. She needs to talk and refocus her anger where it belongs. And you need to put this unfortunate incident behind you.

P.S. Since you now know from experience that you are vulnerable, please consider installing a silent alarm in your store.

DEAR ABBY: I am an average-looking girl. I'm not in the popular group. I used to let a classmate, "Sean," copy my homework because I'm nice and sometimes give too much.

Then one day, in the middle of class, he asked me out. He could have asked me before or after class, or during lunch, but he did it in the one class full of popular people. The entire class hushed, and his best friend was beside him.

I turned him down because he's popular and my parents wouldn't let me date. I didn't trust him because he's popular and I'm an average girl. I like him, but I was afraid it was some kind of trick -- or even a bet. Should I have given him a chance, even though he's a popular boy? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN FLORIDA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Everyone deserves a chance, even a popular boy. However, since your parents feel you are not ready to date, you did the right thing by saying no because your parents wouldn't have allowed you to go anyway.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and a single mother. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, but they have always been there for me emotionally and financially. For the most part we have always been a close and loving family who could go out and have a great time together.

The last few times that Dad and I have had drinks, we have said hurtful things to each other, and it has escalated to shoving and hitting. When we're sober we are affectionate and loving. We go on vacations and have a great time with the whole family.

Do you have any idea what could be causing this? -- HUNG OVER IN MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR HUNG OVER: Yes, I do. It's the alcohol. Since alcohol can cause a change in personality, it is important that you and your dad avoid it.

P.S. Are you aware that alcohol problems can run in families? It is vital that you warn your child about this important fact and set a good example. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is listed in your phone book. Contact them, and they will provide you with literature on this subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm embarrassed to admit this, but after two years of marriage, I still have not sent out thank-you notes to everyone who attended my wedding and gave us gifts.

Our wedding was during finals week of college, and immediately after that, we left for our honeymoon. One week after our return, we moved across the state and had to set up a home and find employment.

I cringe when I think about how many people have asked my mother if we received their gift and "where are the thank-yous." Is there anything I can do to eliminate this guilt before I'm condemned to live with it forever? -- GUILTY IN NEW YORK

DEAR GUILTY: Yes. Buy a nice box of stationery and a pen, and write gracious notes to everyone who gave you a wedding gift. Say, "I apologize for the long delay in writing to you, but I want you to know how much 'John' and I are enjoying the lovely ( ) you gave us for our wedding, and I want to thank you for your generosity in giving it to us." Believe me, it's better to receive a tardy thank-you note than never to receive one at all.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old man with a problem. I have lived with a woman for about four years whom I think the world of -- but I am not in love with her. I really don't feel that I ever loved her. We moved in together for financial reasons, and one thing led to another. She is my best friend, but I'm lonely.

We do not have a sexual relationship, although we share the same bed. I want to be happy in the autumn years of my life. I don't want to hurt her, but I want to be happy. What should I do? -- NEEDS MORE

DEAR NEEDS MORE: One thing is certain, you will never become romantically involved while you're sharing a home and bed with your ladyfriend. She will probably not be thrilled to hear it, but you must level with her about your feelings. It's time to move on. Set a deadline to be out, and abide by it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in a terrible bind. Some years ago, I made a Halloween costume for a former roommate, "Connie." The costume was a nun's habit and it came out great. When I showed her the costume, I had a cross with it that had belonged to an aunt of my mother's who had been a nun in a religious order. Connie begged to borrow the cross, and I lent it to her against my better judgment. She then moved to California and I lost touch with her.

Now my mother is asking for the cross, and I'm afraid to tell her that I made a family heirloom part of a Halloween costume. What was I thinking! Connie refuses to return it to me, saying that she returned it "years ago."

I have sent her several e-mails. Now she has changed her e-mail address to avoid me. You are my last hope. I know Connie is a devoted reader of your column and so is her mother -- who also wore the costume. I'm praying they will see themselves and save me from the wrath of my mother. -- DESPERATE DAUGHTER, STATEN ISLAND

DEAR DESPERATE: The cross should have been returned to you the day after Halloween. If it was inconvenient for Connie to bring it to you, you should have made it your business to go and collect it. It's a shame that your former friend is lying about having returned the cross. What she's probably afraid to admit is that she or her mother lost it, and now she's hiding. (Some "friend"!)

Very few people recognize themselves when they are written about in this column, so my advice to you is to level with your mother and start praying that she's forgiving. It's time to face the music.

DEAR ABBY: Before I was a stay-at-home mom to my daughter, I had a circle of friends with whom I had a lot in common. None of us had children, and we were all focused on advancing our careers.

I have since moved to a different town and have thrown myself into my daughter's activities and the new community. I am now surrounded by a circle of "mommy" girlfriends. I stay in touch with my old friends via e-mail, and we see each other two or three times a year, but I feel that we have drifted apart.

I would like to phase out these friendships for several reasons: We have nothing in common anymore. The distance makes visiting difficult. And I am tired of hearing them complain about money problems, boyfriend issues, their jobs, etc.

I would rather spend my free time with my husband and daughter. Should I feel guilty for wanting to phase out these friendships? I'd appreciate your feedback. -- DEVOTED MOM IN LIVERMORE, CALIF.

DEAR DEVOTED MOM: For friendships to stay healthy and vital, there must be a commonality of interests. When you were a career woman, you had ties that bound you to these women. Now that your life has changed, it's not surprising that the bonds of camaraderie have loosened.

However, before consigning these relationships to the garbage heap, please consider that, as your daughter grows older, she will no longer be as dependent as she is now. At that point, you might want to resume your career. So, my advice to you is don't burn your bridges -- you may regret it later.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)