DEAR ABBY: I am a 60-year-old woman. My children are grown and I have four grandchildren. I also have a godchild named "Noah," whom I adore.

Noah's mother, "Fay," didn't want him when he was born, but was talked out of giving him up by her mother and me. Her mother has since passed away.

Abby, I thought Fay would get over it, but she still doesn't want Noah. She blames him for taking her freedom away. The child is only 5 and adores his mother. No matter what she does, Noah loves her.

Fay is abusive. She yells and screams at Noah, calls him stupid and other names, keeps him in his room most of the time, and palms him off on anyone who will take him for a weekend.

This is not a happy little boy. He has so much anger in him at such an early age. Fay was abused by her mother like she's doing to her son. I have tried to get her help, but she says there's nothing wrong with her. How can I make Fay see that she's turning Noah into a monster? The father took off as soon as he found out Fay was pregnant. He has never seen his son. Please advise me. -- OUT OF MY MIND IN TEXAS

DEAR OUT OF MY MIND: Since you are Noah's godmother and there is nobody else, it is now your turn to step up to the plate. You are responsible for the fact that this unfit mother didn't place her unwanted child for adoption at birth. You are only 60 -- you're not over the hill. Why don't YOU take Noah in and give him the love and support he needs -- and possibly psychological counseling to undo the damage that has been done?

I think you already know what needs to be done. If you are unwilling or unable to do it, then pick up the phone and report Noah's mother to child protective services.

DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that my twin sister, "Leslie," is pregnant. When I heard the news, I told her I wanted to throw her a baby shower. I have two little ones of my own, and my twin hosted my baby shower when I was pregnant with my first. Leslie was excited and gave me a thumbs up.

Today I was told that an aunt on her husband's side wants to give her a shower, and it sounds as if that's the way it's going to be. This aunt has always been bossy and pushy, and Leslie and her husband are afraid to refuse. I don't expect my twin to offend the other side of the family, but what about me? Am I being petty? My feelings are hurt. -- REJECTED TWIN

DEAR TWIN: Please stop feeling hurt. Rather than being bossy or pushy, the aunt may instead be a stickler for proper etiquette. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette" (16th Edition): "Mothers and sisters of the mother-to-be should not give a shower, although sisters-in-law, close friends, aunts or cousins may. Naturally, mothers and sisters should be invited, but, as with any other gift-giving event, they should not initiate an invitation that bears an obligation on the part of the recipient to provide a present to a direct relative."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I own a small tennis supply shop. "Jane," a 16-year-old high school student, works part time for us. Although I am 30, Jane and I have been like sisters. She is a beautiful, responsible young lady, but she has a quick temper. An incident two weeks ago has now strained our relationship.

Jane and I were closing the shop one evening when a man came into the store, flashed a gun and demanded our money. He took us into the back room, produced a roll of duct tape and cords, told us to lie face down and said he wouldn't hurt us. Jane suddenly wheeled around and clipped him in the jaw. Hard! The man was at least 6 feet tall, easily half a foot taller than either of us and looked ready to pummel her.

I stepped between them and told him to just tie us up and leave, at which point he obliged. We were then thoroughly taped, gagged and hogtied with the cords. Despite our valiant efforts neither of us could get loose. My husband came looking for me about two hours later and found us still tightly bound.

Since that evening, Jane has been angry. She believes we could have fought him off, although I think she's a little embarrassed about being tied up. I know he would have clobbered us both at the very least, and I feel I did the right thing. What do you think, and how can I restore the relationship between Jane and me? I still feel ... BOUND AND GAGGED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BOUND AND GAGGED: Jane has displaced her righteous anger toward the armed robber onto you. She took a terrible risk by striking out at someone who was holding a gun on the both of you. It could have provoked a tragedy.

Because you still feel "bound and gagged," you could benefit from counseling with a therapist who specializes in post-traumatic stress. And while you're at it, take Jane with you. She needs to talk and refocus her anger where it belongs. And you need to put this unfortunate incident behind you.

P.S. Since you now know from experience that you are vulnerable, please consider installing a silent alarm in your store.

DEAR ABBY: I am an average-looking girl. I'm not in the popular group. I used to let a classmate, "Sean," copy my homework because I'm nice and sometimes give too much.

Then one day, in the middle of class, he asked me out. He could have asked me before or after class, or during lunch, but he did it in the one class full of popular people. The entire class hushed, and his best friend was beside him.

I turned him down because he's popular and my parents wouldn't let me date. I didn't trust him because he's popular and I'm an average girl. I like him, but I was afraid it was some kind of trick -- or even a bet. Should I have given him a chance, even though he's a popular boy? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN FLORIDA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Everyone deserves a chance, even a popular boy. However, since your parents feel you are not ready to date, you did the right thing by saying no because your parents wouldn't have allowed you to go anyway.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and a single mother. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, but they have always been there for me emotionally and financially. For the most part we have always been a close and loving family who could go out and have a great time together.

The last few times that Dad and I have had drinks, we have said hurtful things to each other, and it has escalated to shoving and hitting. When we're sober we are affectionate and loving. We go on vacations and have a great time with the whole family.

Do you have any idea what could be causing this? -- HUNG OVER IN MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR HUNG OVER: Yes, I do. It's the alcohol. Since alcohol can cause a change in personality, it is important that you and your dad avoid it.

P.S. Are you aware that alcohol problems can run in families? It is vital that you warn your child about this important fact and set a good example. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is listed in your phone book. Contact them, and they will provide you with literature on this subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm embarrassed to admit this, but after two years of marriage, I still have not sent out thank-you notes to everyone who attended my wedding and gave us gifts.

Our wedding was during finals week of college, and immediately after that, we left for our honeymoon. One week after our return, we moved across the state and had to set up a home and find employment.

I cringe when I think about how many people have asked my mother if we received their gift and "where are the thank-yous." Is there anything I can do to eliminate this guilt before I'm condemned to live with it forever? -- GUILTY IN NEW YORK

DEAR GUILTY: Yes. Buy a nice box of stationery and a pen, and write gracious notes to everyone who gave you a wedding gift. Say, "I apologize for the long delay in writing to you, but I want you to know how much 'John' and I are enjoying the lovely ( ) you gave us for our wedding, and I want to thank you for your generosity in giving it to us." Believe me, it's better to receive a tardy thank-you note than never to receive one at all.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old man with a problem. I have lived with a woman for about four years whom I think the world of -- but I am not in love with her. I really don't feel that I ever loved her. We moved in together for financial reasons, and one thing led to another. She is my best friend, but I'm lonely.

We do not have a sexual relationship, although we share the same bed. I want to be happy in the autumn years of my life. I don't want to hurt her, but I want to be happy. What should I do? -- NEEDS MORE

DEAR NEEDS MORE: One thing is certain, you will never become romantically involved while you're sharing a home and bed with your ladyfriend. She will probably not be thrilled to hear it, but you must level with her about your feelings. It's time to move on. Set a deadline to be out, and abide by it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)