DEAR ABBY: Last year, you kindly published a letter from Dr. Deborah Wexler of the Immunization Action Coalition highlighting the importance of influenza immunization. Thanks in part to your efforts, record numbers of people were vaccinated early in the 2003-2004 season. Your letter could not have appeared at a better time, because the United States experienced an early flu season and children were severely impacted. By mid-December, 42 influenza-related deaths were reported in children under 18 years of age, half of them in children younger than 4.

Children between the ages of 6 months to 23 months remain especially vulnerable to complications from influenza infection. This year, the influenza vaccine is recommended for all children between 6 months and 23 months. Parents, household contacts and caregivers of children between those ages should also be vaccinated. These children, many of whom are receiving the vaccine for the first time, may require TWO shots for complete protection. To assure two shots can be given, parents should seek out the vaccine for their infants early.

We in the medical community want the public to be aware of these important new recommendations. Additionally, we want to make sure health-care professionals are aware. The influenza vaccine is extremely effective and can save lives. -- MICHAEL FLEMING, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN ACADEMY OF FAMILY PHYSICIANS; CARDEN JOHNSTON, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS; JOHN C. NELSON, M.D., PRESIDENT, AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION

DEAR DRS. FLEMING, JOHNSTON AND NELSON: I'm pleased to help you spread the word.

Readers, I am told that influenza kills more than 36,000 people every year, and together with pneumonia is the eighth leading cause of death. It's a tragedy that common myths surrounding the flu vaccine sometimes prevent people from getting it. These myths include the widely held mistaken belief that if you aren't vaccinated in September or October, it is too late to do it, and that only people over the age of 65 need it. Older citizens are not the only people who can benefit from flu shots; children and those who live and work closely with them can also benefit.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school, I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend of 18 months. It took me many years to forgive him. However, I don't think I ever forgave myself.

Now that I am in college, I can't bring myself to date. Every time I am asked out, I use any and all excuses I can come up with. It terrifies me that someone will betray my trust again. If a guy shows the slightest interest, I run away and cut off contact until he stops. I have never told anyone about what happened in high school because I thought they would blame me. Please help me -- I'm so confused. -- ASHAMED AND AFRAID IN COLORADO

DEAR ASHAMED AND AFRAID: I'm sad to say that rape is one of the most underreported crimes, and for the very reason that stopped you -- the victim fears that she (or he) was somehow to blame. The victim is never to blame! The quickest way to start the healing process and move forward with your life would be to arrange to talk to a mental health professional at the student health center. Do not put it off. The time to deal with this is now, while help is close at hand. No one will blame you. Please trust me and make the call NOW.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 13 years. During that time, my husband, "Newton," has had several affairs, but I forgave him and we managed to patch things up.

Around 1995, I noticed a change in Newton's sexual behavior. Porno magazines began arriving and charges showed up on our credit card for sexual sites on the Internet. I thought about leaving, but by then we had two daughters.

I recently went to visit my parents in another state for a weekend. It was the first time since our marriage that I went alone. While I was gone, Newton bought some kind of sexual-enhancer vitamins for women. We've always had an active sex life, and I didn't think I needed enhancers.

One morning I drove our girls to school, and when I returned home to do the breakfast dishes, I found "stuff" floating in the coffee pot. I confronted Newton. At first he denied it, but eventually he admitted that he had crushed two of the vitamins and put them in the coffee -- after conveniently getting himself a cup first.

I have lost 17 pounds since then without trying. My doctor can find nothing wrong with me. I now wonder what Newton will do next, but honestly, nothing would surprise me anymore. My world revolved around him. I love him, but I know I am no longer IN love with him.

Abby, I came from a broken home. I never wanted that for my children. Newton knows this, and I think he uses it to his advantage. I am only here because of our children and because I'm not sure I have the confidence to start over. -- TIRED OF PLAYING THE FOOL IN COLORADO

DEAR TIRED: For the sake of your health and sanity, it's time to separate and get some counseling. The coffee in your house isn't the only thing that's toxic. The alternative to finding the confidence to start over appears to be hiring a food taster.

It's a toss-up whether your husband is so hooked on pornography that he is out of touch with reality -- and therefore expects you to perform with the abandon of a porn star -- or whether he is totally without empathy for others. Either way, you and the girls will be safer away from him.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think it is possible to lead a happy, fulfilled life if you never fall in love with someone and have a lasting relationship? I have a good job, own my own home, have many wonderful friends, and I know I should not feel empty because I don't have a relationship -- but I do. -- LONELY IN TEXAS

DEAR LONELY: Of course it's possible. But not if the person is preoccupied with what he or she "might" be missing. What comes to mind are people who dedicate their lives to animals, various causes, and those who enter religious orders.

Since you would like to have a relationship, it's time to expand your circle of friends and activities and go online to see if you can find someone compatible. But please bear in mind that there are worse things than being alone, and one of them is being married to the wrong person.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Nick" for 14 years. We have a beautiful 10-year-old daughter, "Betsy." I recently learned that when Nick was between the ages of 15 and 19, he molested his younger sister. My husband is now 48 and swears that, during those years, he was a "messed up, suicidal" teen.

All this was recently revealed by the sister, who is now 42. She told her parents who, in turn, wrote an ugly letter to Nick. I opened it by mistake and, unfortunately, read it all. It shocked me to the core. I feel so sad for his sister.

Nick will be seeing a counselor to work through what happened 30 years ago and to try to put everything in perspective. I know he is not the monster his sister describes, and I know he would never hurt Betsy.

I wish I could just smooth everything over. How do I explain to Betsy that her grandparents will never visit again? Nick is considering moving out to distance himself and not hurt us anymore. I know I could speak to a counselor, but I don't have much faith in what one could offer besides being someone to vent to. -- LOST IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR LOST: Before trying to smooth anything over, make an appointment with a child psychologist and take your daughter. Your husband molested his sister not once, but for a long time. It's possible that he's also done something to Betsy, but she was so young and innocent she didn't recognize it for what it was.

In cases like this, what happened cannot be ignored. It might be better if your husband did move out for a while, because your daughter is about at the age her aunt was when the molestations began. And you, dear lady, should by all means schedule some sessions with a psychologist or psychiatrist who understands childhood sexual abuse. Counseling isn't just "venting"; it can also be listening to and learning from someone with insight, education and experience. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, sister and I grew up abused and neglected by our parents. There was never any affection or love in our home.

Now that we are grown, we have all established our own families and have little to do with our parents. Because we never discussed our home lives with anyone but ourselves, to outsiders our parents appear to be wonderful people. In the eyes of friends and other relatives, we are now "shirking our duty" because we have "abandoned" our parents.

I live far enough away that I don't have to deal with this problem, but my siblings face frequent criticism. What should be the appropriate response to those who continually ask why we don't visit our parents? -- SAFELY AWAY IN DULUTH, GA.

DEAR SAFELY AWAY: Your brother and sister have my sympathy. Unless they want to give a blow-by-blow description of what their lives were like growing up, which I'd advise against, their best response would be, "This subject is painful for me and very personal. I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it again." And then change the subject.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)