DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Sherman," and I sleep together. Recently I have noticed that he constantly moves his legs and feet. He does this even after he falls asleep. I have lost a lot of sleep during the last few weeks because of his constant leg movements.

I approached Sherman this morning and asked him to go to the doctor and get something for this. He became defensive and refused. I told him if he isn't willing to go with me to the doctor, I'd have to sleep in another bed because I need my rest. I'm also afraid Sherman isn't getting the rest he needs, even though he may not realize it.

I feel if my husband respects me and cares about my feelings, he should be willing to go. Who is right? -- SLEEPLESS IN BURLINGTON, WASH.

DEAR SLEEPLESS: You are, of course, and your husband is acting like a baby. Since the symptoms are new, he should be examined by a doctor. Your husband may have a condition known as Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS). (An estimated 10 percent of the population has it, and information about it can be found at the Web site of the National Restless Legs Foundation, www.rls.org.) But first, since the patient who diagnoses himself has a fool for a doctor, make sure he consults a physician.

DEAR ABBY: My husband works at a busy airport for an elevator company. Among his varied duties, he must file a report on all elevator and escalator accidents. A few simple rules would eliminate the vast majority of accidents. It would be a great public service if you would print these safety tips in your column. -- DELIGHT J., WINTERHAVEN, FLA.

DEAR DELIGHT: I'm "delighted" to spread the word.

-- Step on and off elevators and escalators carefully.

-- Do not use your hand to stop an elevator door from closing.

-- If the elevator doors won't open, remain calm, ring the alarm button and wait.

-- Hold the handrails on escalators at all times.

-- Stand facing forward on escalators.

And now I'll add two tips of my own: Do not run "up" the "down" escalators, and if you are wearing long garments, make sure when stepping off that your clothing does not become caught in the mechanism.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was dating an attorney I'll call Clarence. They supposedly split up a few months ago. Over the last few weeks, correspondence from a local car dealer addressed to Clarence has been sent to my house.

My daughter called me all flustered about a week after the first piece of mail was delivered and asked if "something in his name" had arrived. She then explained that Clarence had bought a car and had it titled to my address "because taxes would be cheaper."

Now I'm getting other mail in his name. Isn't this some sort of invasion of privacy, a form of harassment or fraud? I don't have a lot of respect for this guy. I'm not sure how to handle this situation, nor do I know how to stop what Clarence is doing. -- FRUSTRATED IN MENTOR, OHIO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: What Clarence is doing is called fraud -- and you can stop it by simply writing, "Does not reside at this address" on the envelope and returning it to your postal worker. If that doesn't do the trick, notify the Postal Inspection Service.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Smoke from a fire is sneaky, a silent killer. If a home fire breaks out while we are sleeping, we will not hear smoke as it creeps into our bedrooms, banking up the walls, curling across the ceiling. We will snuggle deeper into the blankets, unaware of the poisons enveloping us. It will grow and spread, becoming hotter and hotter, until it reaches our beds. Then our lungs will be filled with scorching poisonous gases silently extinguishing our lives.

That harsh scenario is what happens in home fires in America every single day. According to the Home Safety Council's State of Home Safety in America Report, fire and burns are a leading cause of home injury-related death. To prevent this from happening, we need working smoke alarms.

October is Fire Safety Month, and it's the logical time for all of us to consider how safe we are from fire. The majority of fire deaths occur at home, where we can make simple changes that can help us to stay safer.

When it comes to our personal safety and the safety of loved ones, we must hope for the best but prepare for the worst. A safe home is within our hands. -- MERI-K APPY, PRESIDENT, HOME SAFETY COUNCIL

DEAR MERI-K: Thank you for the reminder. My experts have stressed to me that every home must have WORKING smoke alarms installed on each level of the house. Additional smoke detectors should be placed inside rooms where people sleep. The Home Safety Council recommends hard-wired, interconnected smoke alarms powered by household electricity. They should be tied together so that if one alarm signals, they will all signal, regardless of where the fire is detected. And for the "ultimate" in fire protection, nothing compares to automatic fire sprinkler systems, which put water directly onto the flames in the early stages of fire, slowing the spread of deadly smoke and heat.

As "Step One" during Fire Safety Month, please make time this week to ensure you have enough smoke alarms. Replace batteries in existing alarms and test them once a month. For more information on smoke alarms, escape plans and home fire sprinkler systems, visit www.HomeSafetyCouncil.org.

DEAR ABBY: I threw a party at my house and invited my usual friends. "Dave" arrived wearing a pair of sunglasses, even though my party was at night. He perched the glasses over the bill on his baseball cap and left them there all evening.

The party was a barbecue outside in my back yard, and my 8-month-old Doberman, "Rommel," was running around. At some point, Dave's glasses fell off and Rommel used them for a toy. I had no idea what had happened until the next day, when Dave called and asked me to look for them.

When Dave found out my dog had ruined the glasses, he demanded that I pay for them to the tune of $350! I don't think I owe him any money. Am I wrong? -- DOG LOVER IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR DOG LOVER: No, you are not wrong. The sunglasses were Dave's property, and he should have made sure they were protected. As his host, you had enough responsibilities on your shoulders during the evening. Dave shouldn't blame others for his carelessness. (Nice try, though.)

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a medical condition known as gender identity disorder -- more commonly called transsexualism. I have prayed every night ever since I was a young boy that God would turn me into a girl. During my teens and into adulthood, I learned to live with the constant pain of pretending to be a man when, really, all I wanted was to live my life as a woman. However, earlier this year I began the gradual process to transition from male to female.

After years of therapy for depression, ingesting dozens of different medications for a variety of misdiagnosed ailments, hospitalization for post-traumatic stress disorder, and daily thoughts of suicide, I made the decision to reveal my lifelong secret to my siblings, some friends and professional colleagues. Generally, the reaction has been supportive.

It is now time to tell my adult children and parents that I intend to live the rest of my life as a woman. How to tell them, and what to tell them, is causing me great distress. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- "LILY" IN THE VALLEY

DEAR "LILY": Tell them exactly what you have told me. Explain that this is not a whim, but the actualization of something you have felt since you were a child. Tell them that making this choice has been so difficult that it has cost you years of depression, ineffective medications, hospitalization and repeated thoughts of suicide.

Your parents and children are bound to be shocked, so be prepared for it. Answer their questions and concerns honestly. An excellent way to deal with this would be to have the discussion in the presence of your psychotherapist.

It would also be a good idea to have on hand some literature on the subject of transsexualism. One book that's recommended by the International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE) is "True Selves" by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley. It can be ordered from the IFGE by calling (781) 899-2212. Or, visit the Web site at ifge.org. P-FLAG has a support group for parents of transgendered people, aptly called "TransParents." The Web address for P-FLAG is www.pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: Veterans and their families might be interested to know about a new Web site: www.govbenefits.gov. It's government-sponsored, and organizes 500 federal and state benefit programs, targeting citizens into one single site. Veterans can log on, answer a few anonymous questions and find out which benefits they may be eligible to receive. It's also a helpful site for case workers, relatives or caregivers.

I answered the questions for my grandfather, a World War II veteran from 1941-'45, and discovered 21 benefit programs for which he might be eligible. -- KEITH NELSON, WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR KEITH: Bless you for sharing this information with my readers. Upon further investigation, I learned that www.govbenefits.gov was created by the U.S. Department of Labor, with contributions by 10 federal agencies and several states. (There is at least one benefit in every state.) Hosted by firstgov.gov, which just celebrated its fourth anniversary, the site also includes a Spanish language version: www.govbenefits.gov/es. Bravo!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)