DEAR ABBY: My son, "Glenn," and his girlfriend of two years, "Nancy," have started college at different universities. Nancy made the cheerleading squad, and now it has gone to her head.

Nancy was never popular in high school, but now that she is, she has decided she no longer wants anything to do with Glenn. She acts very spoiled and wants everything her way.

Nancy told my son she likes being away from her parents and him, so she can do what she wants, when she wants. Glenn is worried sick about her. He thinks she's going to get in over her head. His father and I tell him he needs to move on. I know he loves Nancy, so how can we get him to forget her? -- WORRIED IN KANSAS

DEAR WORRIED: College is a time for growth, and in this case, the two young lovers have grown in different directions. Encourage your son to become more active at school, to study hard and to make a point of meeting new people. As much as he cares about Nancy, she has declared her independence. Since he can't protect her, he should concentrate his energies on taking care of himself. Time and distraction will heal what's ailing him.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, my fiance, "Rick," and his then-wife, "Kim," lost their son shortly after birth. They had him cremated. Much to Rick's horror, Kim disposed of their baby's ashes in a Dumpster. She said she never wanted the baby in the first place.

Rick was devastated, as was the entire family. Kim acted very shut off and cold, not only during this tragic event, but with their other children as well.

Every year on the anniversary of his son's death, Rick breaks down and I grieve beside him. Is there anything I can have made (or make myself) in honor of the child? I feel it would ease the minds of those who were truly bereaved and let the baby boy rest in peace. -- WANTS TO HELP

DEAR WANTS: I'm unclear from your letter whether Rick's wife was distant during their entire marriage, or whether she might have been suffering from depression (and possibly psychosis) after the death of the baby. Because her behavior was bizarre, I can only hope she received medical and psychological care.

That you want to honor your fiance's child is commendable, but before doing anything, talk to Rick and ask what he would like. Planting a tree in a park with a small plaque would make a nice memorial -– or perhaps a scholarship in the baby's name.

DEAR ABBY: During professional meetings or events, people I work with ask me if I'm married or seeing anyone. Since these are not friends, but rather professional associates, I don't feel this question is appropriate. I would never think to ask someone such a personal question.

What is an appropriate response to these individuals that conveys it's none of their business without coming across as rude? -- STRICTLY BUSINESS IN D.C.

DEAR STRICTLY BUSINESS: The people who are asking you that question are probably just trying to be friendly or to get to know you better. However, since you prefer not to answer the question directly, reply, "When I know you better, perhaps we can discuss it," and change the subject.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter went through exactly what the 16-year-old girl, "Not Interested in North Carolina," is experiencing.

I encouraged my daughter to make a list of all the things she wanted to accomplish in the future, and tell me if having a boyfriend would help. After she read what she had written, she came to the conclusion that dating was out for now, and she's fine with it. Now, when she feels peer pressure at school, she looks at her list -– which includes being a wonderful daughter, going to the college of her choice and traveling to certain foreign countries.

"Not Interested" should tape a similar list to her mirror or on the back of a door for easy reference. -- ENCOURAGING MOM, MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR MOM: After "Not Interested's" letter was printed, I was deluged with letters and e-mail from readers offering support. The number was overwhelming –- too many to count. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I hope that girl doesn't succumb to peer pressure. It's far more important to know who you are than to have a boyfriend. Having healthy relationships should be her focus, not fitting into what "society" tells her to do.

I am now 24 and engaged to be married next summer. By waiting until I was ready, I knew exactly what kind of relationship I wanted and have found a wonderful man who shares my values. -- HAPPY I WAITED IN OHIO

DEAR HAPPY: I agree, it takes courage not to follow the crowd. Not one of those who wrote to support "Not Interested" was sorry to have postponed dating.

DEAR ABBY: I was that girl, a "hard-core tomboy," which by the way, does not necessarily mean you're gay. (There are many very feminine lesbians.) I married at 22 and have been married for 21 years. After I had children, I realized that I am a lesbian -– and I have recently come out to my husband, family and friends.

My advice to "Not Interested" is to take her time dating boys, have fun with her sports, etc., and remember –- it's OK if she IS gay. If she's struggling, she should seek a gay support group for teens. -- LOVING MOM, SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR LOVING MOM: That's good advice for teens who may need it.

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was a hard-core tomboy. I was never into makeup or jewelry, and my only relationship as a teenager was one rather short-lived stint of "going steady" with a male friend in my freshman year of high school –- more because it seemed "expected" then because of any real attraction.

My family wondered if I was heterosexual. When, in my last year of college, I found the one special man I had been waiting for and announced it to my family, one relative even asked if I was marrying a man!

I'm now happily married to my soul mate, but I still have not settled into a typically feminine role. I am a full-time career firefighter, one of only three in a department of 200 members. I am also a paramedic and a member of the K9 search and rescue community.

That girl should not permit other people to mold her into what they think she ought to be. She sounds like a perfectly healthy, normal young woman to me. There are plenty of people who are just like us. I didn't marry until I was in my mid-20s. All things considered, I turned out pretty well despite "late blooming" –- and so will she. -- FORMER TOMBOY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FORMER TOMBOY: Not only have you done "pretty well," you're one heck of a role model for the rest of us!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently found out that my husband of 20 years bought diamond earrings and something from Victoria's Secret for another woman. His explanation? "She's just a friend, and she's married to a jerk." He has told me many different stories about her. I checked them out and found they were all lies.

Someone once told me that when a man buys diamond earrings or a bracelet, it means he's already slept with her. What do you think? -- WANTS THE TRUTH IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WANTS THE TRUTH: Diamond earrings? That's quite an investment. When a man gives diamonds to a woman, it's a good bet that he's getting plenty in return -- or hoping to.

DEAR ABBY: Some friends of ours, "Rhonda" and "Mike," planned to be married. They have two small children together. Mike is a longtime childhood friend of my husband's; we met Rhonda through Mike. Mike and Rhonda are no longer together. It was a messy breakup. They no longer speak to each other, and they even have relatives intercede in the exchange of their children so they do not have to see each other.

My husband and I gave Rhonda $100 as a down payment on the wedding dress that she just "had" to have. Mike and Rhonda both thanked us, and said not to buy a wedding gift, that the money was gift enough. Rhonda bought the dress and now plans to sell it.

My husband and I are not well-off, and we would like our money back. We feel that now the wedding has been canceled, the money should be returned. Rhonda has not offered to do it. Should we confront her and tell her that when she sells the dress that we'd like the $100 back? How should we handle this? -- WANTS OUR MONEY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WANTS: Rather than "confront" Rhonda, remind her that when she sells the dress, you would like her to return the money. But don't hold your breath. Since your friendship was based on your longstanding friendship with Mike, she may assume that her relationship with you is history -- and not feel inclined to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I have fallen in love with a wonderful man I'll call "Hank." Hank is everything I want in a man. We have been together for five months, and he is always very well-dressed -- which is important to me. I take pride in the way I look and want my partner to do the same.

Hank and I went out yesterday. It was cold outside and Hank said he would wear a sweater. Well, Abby, the sweater looked like something he found in a trash bin! It was stained, dirty and faded. How do I tell Hank that sweater has to go without hurting his feelings? I felt embarrassed to be with him, which I hated to admit to myself. How can I tell him not to wear it again? -- EMBARRASSED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Do NOT tell him not to wear it again, or that you felt embarrassed to be seen with him in it. When an otherwise spiffy dresser wears a garment that is "old, stained, faded," etc., it is safe to assume that the item has sentimental value. Since you prefer that he wear something nicer, buy him a sweater or two -- and as the weather grows colder, let him know how much it would please you to see him in something you selected especially for him.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)