DEAR ABBY: Our son is 8 months old, and my wife is busy planning his first birthday party. The party will be in February, which makes it too cold for anything outside. She plans to invite 50 guests, including children.

Our house is small, so she wants to rent a hall and have the party catered. Is this too much for a first birthday party? We're saving for a new house, and what she has in mind will be expensive.

My wife says I'm cruel for not supporting her idea of a big bash for our son. I think that having our immediate family together, healthy and alive, is special enough. Am I being a curmudgeon? -- SENSIBLE IN NORRISTOWN, PA.

DEAR SENSIBLE: You're not a curmudgeon -- you are someone who has his eye on a goal and hasn't lost his perspective. The party your wife is planning is really for her, not the baby. All a child that age needs for his birthday is his mommy, his daddy, and a few close relatives to celebrate the occasion with a cake he can put his hands and face into -- and, of course, a camera.

DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant with my first baby. For some reason, almost every woman I speak to feels the need to tell me about the hell I am about to endure. Apparently I will never spend another minute alone with my husband. My car will be ruined, and my house will be a permanent disaster. Very few people tell me how wonderful it is to be a mom.

I would just ask that when a woman is expecting, please don't assume it's a license to complain about how terrible it was when your children were young. My husband and I planned this pregnancy, but if I had heard half the horror stories I've heard in the past several months, I probably would have taken a different route. -- MOM-TO-BE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOM-TO-BE: If parenthood didn't have many rewards, do you think that these doom-spreaders would have had more than one child? While it's only logical that having children is a life-changing experience, it is also an individual process. For some people the adjustment may be painful. However, for many others, the changes are welcome and the joys are bountiful. Think positive and tune the naysayers out.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column on the Internet. I'm in a relationship with a great guy. "Ryan" and I have been together for almost five years -- more than half of it long-distance.

This might seem like a little thing, but whenever we talk on the phone or e-mail and say, "I love you," or "I miss you," Ryan always says, "I love you MORE," or "I miss you MORE."

Sometimes I feel hurt and sometimes it makes me angry. When I ask why he says "more," he always says something sweet to deflect it, but my antennae are wiggling like crazy.

I love Ryan and believe he loves me -- but what makes him feel a need to "best" me in this? Am I making too much of a simple statement? -- CONFUSED IN QUITO, ECUADOR

DEAR CONFUSED: Only Ryan can answer your first question. As for your second question, perhaps it's time to stop and analyze why you are put off. Love isn't a contest, and many readers would think they were in heaven if the person they cared about returned their expressions of affection with "ditto, and more so."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother, raising a 14-year-old daughter, "Cheryl." Recently, Cheryl has started going through my things while I am not at home. A couple of times she has found things of a sexual nature -- pictures and marital aids -- that I had thought were well hidden.

How do I address these matters without discussing the content in depth? We have discussions about a lot of things, but I must admit I'm embarrassed about this. However, I want to discuss this with Cheryl before she tells someone about what she found and gets misinformation. -- BLUSHING IN CHICAGO

DEAR BLUSHING: Your daughter is old enough to understand the concept of privacy -- and that includes not going through your things without permission, or discussing your private life with her contemporaries. Since you now know what she does in your absence, keep your personal items under lock and key.

If Cheryl questions you about the items she found, explain to her that they are sometimes used by adults. If she wants to know more, answer her questions honestly. And while you're at it, be sure your daughter knows that if she has further questions in the future, she's welcome to come to you with them, and you will be sure she gets correct answers.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble dealing with my Aunt "Marge." She disapproves of the fact that my husband, "Keith," is 40 and I'm 33. Aunt Marge says I should have married someone my age -- or no more than a year or two older -- because SHE likes men her own age. Also, SHE prefers dark-haired men, so she keeps asking me why I married a blonde.

Keith earns enough so that I can stay at home with our two children. Aunt Marge says I'm selfish to make him carry the financial burden alone. (Neither Keith nor I feel there's anything selfish about it.) What's peculiar is, Aunt Marge has always been a homemaker. She hasn't worked a day since she married Uncle Steve. Also, she constantly asks my husband if he's saving the money he earns, and what we do with it.

Aunt Marge stops by unexpectedly a lot, usually at night. If I'm wearing my robe and nightgown, she demands to know why. Then she asks why I took my shower so long before bedtime. She also constantly criticizes the way I wear my hair.

Aunt Marge gets upset because, when Keith is home, we screen our calls. I've explained that it's to avoid telemarketers, but if we don't pick up, she says in a rude tone, "I don't want to leave a message. Pick up the phone NOW!"

Abby, she's a good person in other ways, but she has always had a habit of criticizing and being too quick to judge. Do Keith and I have reason to be offended, or should we just accept that she is who she is, ignore her, and not say anything? -- GETTING FED UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FED UP: If no one has pointed out to Aunt Marge that it's rude to ask people what they do with their money, to drop by unannounced, to give unsolicited advice about personal grooming, and to demand instant gratification when she calls, now is the time. It won't change her, but perhaps it will cause her to stop for a moment and think.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving, the time we pause to consider the blessings for which we are grateful. In many homes across this great nation of ours, turkeys are being stuffed -- just as the people who consume them will be later in the day.

But for many individuals, today and the holidays that follow can be an intensely difficult time, triggering feelings of stress, loneliness and loss. If a person is prone to depression, these feelings can be further magnified.

How can anyone feel depressed at this time of year? you ask. It's not that far-fetched. People who are separated from their families often feel isolated because they can't celebrate in the traditional way. Families who have lost a loved one during the year often feel the absence especially at this time. Others become depressed because they imagine that everyone else is enjoying a warm, idealized family experience, while they are on the outside looking in.

Even people who enjoy the holidays can find them stressful. This is a time of year when people are stretched for time, energy and money -- particularly the latter. They may become embarrassed because they can't celebrate the way they would like to celebrate, or in the style they have in years past.

Some ways to ward off the holiday blues:

-- Keep expectations reasonable. Don't take on more activities than you can handle -- financially or otherwise.

-- Don't overspend. Plan a holiday budget and live within it, regardless of the temptation.

-- Do not run up credit card debt, or January will be like a serious hangover.

-- And speaking of hangovers: Watch your alcohol intake. Remember, although alcohol seems to be a mood elevator, it is actually a depressant. If you have a problem with alcohol, get whatever support you need to make it through the holidays.

A final thought: If you're feeling down and want an instant "upper," the surest way to accomplish it is to do something nice for someone else. Call someone who lives alone and invite that person to dinner. Better yet, say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get safely home." (Some older people don't drive at night, and those who do might prefer not to be behind the wheel after dark.) Give it a try! You'll be glad you did.

And now, I'll repeat the traditional Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my mother, Pauline Phillips, years ago. My Thanksgiving would not be complete without it:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

P.S. We have so much for which to be grateful this Thanksgiving Day. Those of you with a little time to spare, how about showing our gratitude to veterans by visiting a veterans hospital and raising the spirits of those who have served our country?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)