Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jay's," parents have informed us they are coming for Christmas and will be staying for six weeks. They need at least three weeks because they're having dental work done by another family member, and it must be staggered.

Long visits are acceptable in their culture, but it usually applies when people visit from another country -– not another state.

The last time they came, they stayed three weeks. It was a stretch for me, but I bit my tongue. I work from home and was with them 24/7 because they don't like to drive. It's hard on me because they get bored and expect me to entertain them. Also, I don't get along well with my father-in-law, and neither of them likes my cooking.

Jay knows six weeks is long, but for him the time goes fast because he works long hours. Jay says he'll talk to his parents about this, but he's miserable at the prospect. Speaking up will cause problems for him, and they'll assume it came from me anyway. They'll be livid. Please tell me what to do. I'm on the verge of tears when I think about what's coming. -- DREADING CHRISTMAS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DREADING: Be a gracious hostess for three weeks. After that, schedule a break. Go visit relatives or, if that's not feasible, check into a motel. You may find that having had a breather, you'll be in a better frame of mind to deal with the in-laws upon your return. You may also find that when the entire burden of entertaining his parents falls upon your husband, he'll encourage them to make shorter visits or other living arrangements in subsequent visits.

P.S. Since they don't like your cooking, have your mother-in-law do it. It will lighten the burden for you and give her something to do.

DEAR ABBY: I am 22, and recently moved here from a different state. Shortly after I arrived, I met an amazing man I'll call Lance. Lance and I met at work and fell for each other instantly.

After we had been dating only a month, I found out that I was pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's baby. Lance was confused when I told him, but after a few days of thinking about it, he told me that the pregnancy didn't change the way he felt about me. We have now been dating more than two months, and Lance continues to be wonderful and supportive.

I'm afraid that since I'm starting to show, Lance will get scared and break my heart. We have had a few serious talks because I feel he doesn't spend enough time with me. Lance contends that he spends more time with me than he does his friends or family. I am in love with him, but I'm afraid that what I originally thought we had together may be "too good to be true." Is this rational, or am I overly emotional because of my pregnancy? -- CONFUSED IN COLORADO

DEAR CONFUSED: You could be hormonal –- or simply extremely needy because you are vulnerable right now. Lance appears to be standing by you to the best of his ability –- and now is not the time to be telling him he isn't measuring up to your standards of companionship. He deserves praise for his loyalty, not criticism for not giving "enough."

If you need more emotional support, I recommend you involve your family. Also, you didn't mention whether your ex-boyfriend knows about his impending fatherhood. Since child support will be partly his responsibility once the baby arrives, it may be time to share news of the blessed event with him.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm throwing a holiday party. About six weeks ago, I told my friend "Shirley" about the party and that I was inviting her ex-fiance, "Tom." She replied that if Tom would be there, she would not.

I sent invitations to both of them. Tom RSVP'd that he and his new girlfriend (the one that came between him and Shirley) would attend. I then informed Shirley that "you know who" was coming. She is now very upset with me and accuses me of choosing him over her. She's questioning my friendship and says I'm purposely tormenting her.

I understand Shirley is upset. But don't you agree that she needs to understand my position? My husband is close friends with Tom, and wants him to attend. Shirley knew I was inviting him. Now, less than a week before party time, she has called me five times to cry and make me feel bad. I want everyone to enjoy the party, but there's bad blood between those two and I'm afraid no one will enjoy anything if they're in the same room. -- TORN IN TWO IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TORN IN TWO: Shirley should not dictate who's to be invited to and/or excluded from your party. Remind her what she said when you first told her that both she and her ex would be invited. Your husband has a right to include anyone he wishes. Tell Shirley that you'd love to have her there, but if it's too painful for her to see Tom and his new love interest, you'll invite her to another soiree. The choice is hers.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently engaged to "Danny," the man of my dreams. He is everything I have prayed for all my life. The problem is his mother. She constantly barges into our relationship. She was even there when he proposed to me -– so close I could hear her crying.

Because Danny is in the military, our time together is limited. I have been planning a trip to visit him for an awards ceremony. It was booked and paid for three months ago. This will be the first time we have been alone together since we got engaged.

I just learned that Danny's mother plans to "surprise" him by attending the awards ceremony and staying all weekend. Once again, there she is. I understand that she wants to support her son, but is this the way my marriage is going to be –- her always wanting to share in the moment? -- SURROUNDED BY HIS MOTHER

DEAR SURROUNDED: Danny may be "your man," but he is also her little boy. This is the way your marriage will be, until the two of you are able to loosen the apron strings. Perhaps his mother wouldn't hover so much if her son wasn't in the military and therefore in jeopardy.

Please cut her some slack. Also, how Danny reacts to his mother's surprise visit should give you insight into what lies ahead for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and in seventh grade and I have a big problem. I don't know my multiplication tables. I'm afraid if I tell my teacher, she'll get mad. What should I do? -- AFRAID IN COACHELLA, CALIF.

DEAR AFRAID: Tell your teacher NOW, before you fall further behind. Explain that you need extra drilling, and that you sincerely want to master the problem. The squeaky wheel gets the grease –- and your teacher won't be angry.

Teachers are there to help you learn, including extra help when you have difficulty with a subject.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Dena," is in the same grade as her friend "Amanda." Amanda has a sister, "Barb," who turned 15 last month. Amanda told my Dena that Barb's 16-year-old boyfriend has been sneaking in Barb's bedroom window several nights a week for a while now, after their mother and stepfather have gone to bed. Amanda also confided that Barb told her that she and the boyfriend have had sex a couple of times, including before Barb turned 15.

I am not close to the mother and stepfather, although I do run into them at school functions. I wouldn't begin to know how to approach the parents and tell them what I know. Should I be concerned with what's happening in other people's homes after they've gone to bed? Or should I keep this to myself and let them find out the hard way down the road? -- ANOTHER MOTHER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR MOTHER: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Call that girl's mother and tell her what you know and how you learned it. If what your daughter's friend confided is true, they need bars on the windows and a chastity belt for Barb (and some serious counseling).

DEAR ABBY: I work in the mailroom of a large company. Every day we deliver the mail that is sent to the people who work here. On some occasions, I deliver mail to people who have private offices. Sometimes, these people are having a meeting in their office and do not shut the door. When this happens, should I just give them their mail, or wait until they are finished talking to that person? I'm asking because sometimes I get dirty looks from those people while I'm giving them their mail -- like, "How dare you come into my office while someone is in here!"

Abby, I don't talk to them and I try to stay out of their way, because I know that someone walking in can be distracting. What is the correct mailroom etiquette? -- CONFUSED DELIVERER

DEAR CONFUSED: The universal signal for "Do Not Disturb" is a closed door. If the door is open, then you should be free to enter. However, since you are being given dirty looks for making deliveries while there is a conversation in progress, the next time the person is alone, ask what he or she would prefer under those circumstances. Another suggestion would be to stand quietly in the doorway for a few seconds and wait for the person to acknowledge you and motion you in.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Kurt" for 13 years. It's a second marriage for both of us. Kurt consistently fails to introduce me at social functions and leaves me to fend for myself. At the last party we attended, he left me to talk to the most attractive blond woman there -- someone we had both just met. At the end of the evening he hugged her and told her to call when she's back in town.

I told Kurt his behavior hurt my feelings, and if he respected me he wouldn't act this way. He says I'm out of line. What do you think? -- SOCIALLY ABANDONED IN BEND, ORE.

DEAR SOCIALLY ABANDONED: Your husband appears to suffer from social amnesia -- he "forgets" he's married when the two of you go out. You are not out of line; he is. If he had any consideration for your feelings, he would at least check back every 15 or 20 minutes to see if you're still breathing. Shame on him.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)