DEAR ABBY: A month ago, I celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He didn't lay a hand on me until a year ago.

We got into an argument on Valentine's Day, and he slapped me twice that night. It happened again last month. We separated after the second incident, but I couldn't afford to move out because I've been a stay-at-home mom for six years.

Tonight we had a minor spat, and he broke my nose. An hour later, his 21-year-old girlfriend drove over and picked him up, and here my 7-year-old son and I sit, while he not only gets sympathy, but also companionship and sex.

Abby, please tell young women that getting involved with married men isn't just stupid; it's dangerous -- and often to the woman he's married to when the single woman comes into his life. -- BRUISED IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR BRUISED: I'm broadcasting your message, but don't expect much response. Men who cheat on their wives are not above lying to their girlfriends. No doubt he has filled her head with what a terrible wife you are and how unhappy you have made him. That's the "lure" to snag her in the role of "rescuer."

Perhaps you should warn her so she doesn't become victim No. 2. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, have some taken of you before your bruises heal. The police should also be contacted, and the battery put on record.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have one child, and we have decided that we are having no more. People frequently ask when we're having another child, and when we say, "Never!" they always demand to know why.

When we tell them our reasons, they go on and on about how we shouldn't make our little girl an only child and how "cruel" that would be to her.

What can we say to politely end everyone's incessant need to criticize us for not having more children? Do you agree that this is a rude question? -- HAVING FUN WITH ONE IN N.Y.

DEAR HAVING FUN: I certainly do, because that question is often painful to answer. You might catch less flak if, instead of saying "Never!" you reply as my friend Sherry does. She says, "I had the first one. It's up to my husband to have the second." That usually stops 'em.

DEAR ABBY: I think my sister has an eating disorder. She's rail-thin and is always watching her calorie intake. My concern is that she does it with my 3-year-old nephew, too. She has the child on a strict diet, counting his carb and calorie intake. Her little boy is still eating baby food (made for ages 6 to 9 months), and I'm afraid he will develop an eating disorder, too. What can I do? -- WORRIED AUNT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Children have very different nutritional needs than adults, and your sister needs to be aware of what they are. Encourage your sister to consult her son's pediatrician about the eating program her child is on to assure he's getting the nutrients he needs for optimum brain and body development. A session with a dietitian who's credentialed by the American Dietetic Association would also be a good idea. (They have "R.D." after their names.)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow in my mid-60s -- attractive, petite and active. I hate being alone. I have a friend I'll call Barney who is in his 70s. Barney's a wonderful dancer and a polished gentleman. We've known each other for 10 years.

About a year ago, our friendship evolved to the next level. We became intimate. I fell in love with Barney and thought I had finally found my soul mate.

Last month, I asked this wonderful man if he was looking for a committed relationship. Barney's answer shocked me. He said he didn't want to fall in love because he'd been hurt too many times. Then he told me he is also in a relationship with someone else! I was devastated. I cried all the way home. Barney still calls every day and invites me out. When I hear his voice, I melt.

My best friend, "Bea," is having a 60th birthday party next week. She has just informed me that Barney is coming and bringing his girlfriend! Abby, the only reason Bea invited Barney is that she and I both thought he'd bring me. I'd like to call him and ask him not to come and embarrass me. Or should I just stay home? I really need advice. -- HEARTSICK IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR HEARTSICK: Your "soul mate" either suffers from a sensitivity deficiency, or he's trying to send you a message: "Don't count on him, because he has a girlfriend." I sympathize with your disappointment, but don't let it stop you from attending the party. While you're there, get the lady's phone number and invite her for coffee. She might be interested to know how much the both of you have in common.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14. My friend, "Heidi," is well-endowed. Yesterday, she told me her stepdad pulls on her shirt so he can look down it. He says he doesn't mean anything by it, but it makes Heidi really uncomfortable. She has told her mom, but her mom just says he's not doing it on purpose, and ignores it. What should I do? Should I tell someone, or let her and her family settle it? -- SHOCKED IN FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR SHOCKED: By ignoring it, Heidi's mother is allowing it to continue. The first thing to do is tell your mother what's going on. Then urge your friend to speak to a trusted teacher or counselor at school about what her stepfather is doing. They are mandated to report it. Go with Heidi for moral support if necessary. Her safety depends on it, because the girl's stepfather's behavior is extremely inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl who sweats abnormally. I can be sitting in class and my underarms are drenched, which is embarrassing because it can be seen through clothing. My hands and feet are always moist, and my nose often has beads of sweat.

Please help me. I'm not sure what to do. -- EMBARRASSED TEEN IN DALLAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You may have a condition called hyperhidrosis (overactive sweat glands). Your pharmacist can recommend a special anti-perspirant that will help -- or, alternatively, ask your mom to schedule an appointment for you with a dermatologist. There are therapies for it. Good luck.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A Merry Christmas to you, one and all.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: From the time that my father left -- I was 8 -- until I was thrown out of the house at 16, my mother was seriously emotionally abusive and neglectful. She frequently called me filthy names, made bizarre accusations that had no basis in truth, told me I was a "mistake," threatened me, publicly humiliated and belittled me.

I am now in my mid-20s and have had no contact with my mother for three years. My older brother is in denial about the abuse and insists that I forgive her and rebuild our relationship. He claims that she's sorry and she misses me.

I recently traveled back to my hometown and visited my mother. She treated me as though I were a stranger. Afterward, I felt that I could move on, knowing I had done the right thing in deciding to cut her out of my life. Now the rest of the family has turned their backs on me. I would like to maintain a personal relationship with them, but they think I'm a bad person for no longer having a relationship with my mother. Do you have any advice? -- LEFT IN THE COLD IN DULUTH

DEAR LEFT IN THE COLD: Only this: If the price of having a relationship with your family is tolerating their emotional blackmail and more abuse from your mother, the price is too high.

DEAR ABBY: Not long ago, we moved into a beautiful new housing development. Neighbors on the street behind us keep their puppy penned up outside day and night in all kinds of weather. Occasionally we see one of their neighbors walk the dog, but other than that, it seems the dog's existence is limited to a cement pad covered in you-know-what.

We would rather not call the homeowners' association or the Humane Society, as these neighbors seem like decent people. However, it is upsetting our small children, as well as my husband and me, to hear the poor animal cry. We can't imagine spending the next 10 years like this. What do you recommend we do? -- CANINE LOVERS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CANINE LOVERS: Although you would rather not, for the puppy's sake, pick up the phone and contact the homeowners' association and the Humane Society. You'll be doing the neglected creature -- and yourselves -- a favor. The owners of that poor animal have no idea how to properly care for a dog. The Humane Society will instruct them on the proper care of their furry family member.

DEAR ABBY: My 2-year-old is in a private home day care. Occasionally he makes a mess on the carpet or breaks a toy. When it happens, the day-care provider is quick to point out the price of the cleaning or replacement, and I usually offer her $20 in compensation. However, she expects me to pay at least half for my child's accidents.

Since this is a private home, is it appropriate to assume I'll pay for these incidents on top of the weekly fee? -- IN NEED OF DAY-CARE ETIQUETTE

DEAR IN NEED: The fees you pay the day-care provider should cover the cost of the toys -- they are a part of her cost of doing business. It is interesting that your day-care provider has her charges playing on her carpets, and not in an area that is easier to keep clean and sanitized. Is this person a licensed and insured day-care provider? If she is not, it's time to give some serious consideration to what might happen if your child were injured on her property. Readers, what do you think of this?

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)