DEAR ABBY: I am 35 and the mother of a 10-year-old daughter, "Savannah," who is in the fourth grade.

Savannah claims that I am smothering her. She is not allowed to have sleepovers, and she may not attend any of the co-ed parties her friends throw. No sugar is allowed in our house unless it is a special occasion like a birthday. Whenever she goes to a friend's house, I call every hour to see how she is doing.

In the kitchen, Savannah is not allowed to use the stove, the oven, the blender, or any other appliance unless I am there to supervise.

My daughter attends an all-girls school because I don't want her exposed to some of the things boys do when they are her age. Savannah is not allowed to wear makeup, and I shop for her. Every morning, before she leaves home, she must come to me so I can monitor what she is wearing.

Abby, I love my daughter very much, and I only want what is best for her. Do you think I am smothering her? -- GOOD MOM IN HOUSTON

DEAR GOOD MOM: I believe you are a caring parent, but I also think you have gone off the deep end. In the name of being a conscientious parent you have placed your daughter under virtual house arrest. How is your daughter to learn to be independent and make intelligent decisions if you restrict her every move?

Calling her every hour at a friend's house to "see how she's doing" is overkill. If it doesn't stop, it won't be long before she will rebel. I know you mean well, but please, talk with a counselor about this. In the name of being a "good mom," you are stunting her growth and doing your child a disservice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college sophomore, and my roommate, "Sal," is driving me crazy. She talks down to me when we're in a group. She'll hijack my conversations and answer for me, even though I'm standing right there.

I'm not the only person who feels this way. Sal talks down to everyone. A large group of us went out to dinner and "Mike" was goofing off. She told him to sit still and use his indoor voice. She was completely serious!

She also tries to intimidate us physically. She shoves the guys around, and if the girls annoy her, she stands up as tall as she can, looks down her nose at us and announces, "I can EAT you!" At one point, she pinned me to my bed and tried to shove food in my mouth because she didn't believe I ate enough.

The few times we've tried to talk to Sal about this, she became defensive and stormed out, as she snarled that we are all immature and should grow up. We've about had enough. Can you help? -- LIVING WITH THE ALPHA DOG

DEAR LIVING: From your description, the girl has problems beyond what you and I can solve. Counseling could help her, but only if she's willing to face the fact that she needs help.

Since talking to the "alpha dog" hasn't worked, if you're living off campus, call a meeting of the housemates and inform her that you'd like her to leave. If you're staying in a dorm, request a change of rooms. And should she lay a hand on any of you in an effort to intimidate you, call the police and report the assault.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "J.H. in Yonkers," who fell in love on a trip to a friend's funeral. I agree with you, Abby, it's a great story. Mine is similar.

I dated Mike for 2 1/2 years and then we broke up. For eight months I couldn't forget him. On a whim, I called his mom during one of the many Midwestern blizzards of 1979. She told me her mother had died and the visitation was the next night. I made it through the snowdrifts to the visitation -- the only non-family member because of the weather. Mike invited me to the house afterward.

The next day, I met him in the church parking lot, where he told me guiltily he had whistled all the way to his grandmother's funeral because he knew I'd be there! We knew we were meant to be together and we were convinced his grandmother had a hand in it.

If we can believe that there are pennies from heaven, we can believe someone was looking out for J.H. and her love. Mike and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary in a few months. -- RUTH IN ROCK ISLAND, ILL.

DEAR RUTH: Your letter gave me goose bumps. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My parents met at a funeral 80 years ago. My mother, who always hated funerals, went because the deceased had been a close friend of her mother's. After the service, Mom was very impressed by a tall, handsome, older man she met. The rest is history. -- ESTHER IN KENMORE, N.Y.

DEAR ESTHER: Which proves that sometimes an ending can also be a beginning.

DEAR ABBY: In 1997, I met the love of my life at a funeral of a mutual friend who had been murdered. I was only 16. My love and I were married a year later.

From that horrible tragedy was born a friendship and love that has weathered almost every possible obstacle one can imagine in a marriage. Out of sadness came joy and love. From a tragic death was born a loving and giving life -- our daughter. -- PEGGI IN PENNSAUKEN, N.J.

DEAR PEGGI: That kind of tragedy can make the survivors grow up very quickly.

DEAR ABBY: My father died on Dec. 19 the year I turned 20. My mother was only 48, and I had four younger brothers and sisters. Our family was devastated that Christmas. All the neighbors knew about it and were very nice to us.

A girl up the street invited my two sisters and me to her birthday party on Jan. 11. She said if we didn't come, she would come and get us.

The girl who was giving the party had a younger brother, who had asked his best friend, "Jim," to the party. Jim and I started dating that week. We knew by summer that we would marry and were engaged the next year. On Oct. 22, we celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary.

When people ask how we met, I am not reluctant to tell them. I had never dated anyone before I met Jim -- so I say that Jim was sent from heaven. -- MAUREEN IN TORONTO

DEAR MAUREEN: And I believe it.

DEAR ABBY: I met a wonderful woman, who later became my wife, at her grandmother's funeral. I knew her parents, but she and I had never met before. We became friends and went out casually at first. Then we started dating. We were married last Nov. 5. When anyone asks how we met, we tell them her grandmother set us up. Which is true, in a way. -- DAVID IN COMER, GA.

DEAR DAVID: I wish you both a long and happy life together.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband comes from a family of practical jokers. When I first married "Vince," I tolerated it. However, after my sister-in-law, "Vicki," sent a stripper to my office as a birthday surprise, I asked her politely and firmly to stop. All my request did was provoke her to continue hounding me and to escalate the jokes.

Her last "joke" was the last straw. Vince and I had planned a dream vacation to Europe. Vicki called our travel agent and attempted to cancel it over the phone. She had our confirmation number and my credit card information. It's lucky that I'm close friends with the travel agent, who knew it wasn't me. Thinking we were victims of a credit card scam, she ended the call and contacted me at work.

Besides nearly costing us thousands of dollars in unrefundable travel costs, we realized that Vicki had snooped through our personal belongings. How else could she have obtained my credit card numbers and the confirmation number for the trip? We canceled all our credit cards, had new ones issued, and warned Vicki that we're thoroughly checking all of our records.

This has caused a huge rift in the family. While my in-laws agree that what Vicki did was wrong, they insist in the next breath that we shouldn't take it so seriously, and we need to have a sense of humor. Vince and I are standing firm that Vicki is no longer welcome in our home. She has never apologized and seems to enjoy showing up at our house, forcing us to deny her entry. How can we get her to stop harassing us, and how can we get the family to recognize the seriousness of this? -- TICKED OFF IN HOUSTON

DEAR TICKED OFF: Your sister-in-law appears to have gone off the deep end. There is a difference between a practical joke and malicious mischief, a fact that seems lost on the woman. Until she grows up and sobers up, you are within your rights to distance yourselves from her. It may take a restraining order to keep her away, but it might be an effective way to impress the seriousness of the problem upon the family.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 30s with an outgoing personality. A few weeks ago I struck up a conversation with an elderly man in a store. We shared a common interest in computers, so I gave him my e-mail address.

In his first two e-mails, he suggested we have lunch and asked if I was married. I ignored his questions and wrote about other things -- computers and pets. In his third e-mail, he volunteered that he only "co-existed" with his wife and said they were probably headed for divorce.

At that point, red flags went up. I e-mailed him that I didn't think our correspondence was a good idea because it could cause problems for him, even if he was looking only for friendship. I also said I hoped he would consider marriage counseling.

He replied with an angry e-mail saying I had offended him by suggesting that he would cheat on his wife, and that I should refrain from such arrogant assumptions in the future.

I'm not sure if I overstepped my bounds and owe him an apology, or if he is a Jekyll and Hyde who should be avoided altogether. -- WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN CAROLINA

DEAR WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING: The right thing to do is stop the e-mails. Delete him from your computer and your life. You do not owe him an apology or any further contact. You thought he was a harmless old man, and you were only half right.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)