DEAR ABBY: I met "Evan," the man of my dreams, when I was 18. He was 21. We had been dating only five months when he was diagnosed with leukemia. I stayed by his side the whole time, although my friends said no one would blame me if I didn't. Evan is now finished with chemotherapy and is in remission.

I was there for him when his parents couldn't be. I gave him everything I had. I even dropped out of school so I could work full time to make ends meet. Since Evan has finished his treatment, we've been trying to piece our life back together, but he has been horribly depressed.

I have tried to help. I found a psychologist for him. He agreed to go, then canceled the appointment. He re-enrolled in school this semester. However, I found out last night that he had stopped going to class a long time ago. He said it reminded him too much of how things used to be. He lied to me -- and not for the first time.

To make matters worse, I had to tell his parents, because they had been paying for school and sending us money to help with the bills. He had refused to call them. Abby, I love Evan with all my heart. His parents are offering to get him help. I'm torn between staying and leaving to rebuild my life. If he gets help for real, is it worth trying to save our relationship? -- EXHAUSTED AND BROKENHEARTED IN K.C.

DEAR EXHAUSTED: You supported Evan when he could not help himself. Only he can fix his problems now. The longer you allow the status quo, the longer he will postpone taking responsibility.

If he continues to procrastinate, then recognize that it's time to leave and put your own life on track. Do not feel guilty for doing so. Unless Evan accepts that he needs professional help -- and gets it -- he will drag you down with him. Trust me, you have done all you can.

DEAR ABBY: This is a fan letter. A friend of mine gave me a copy of your booklet "Keepers." I keep it on my nightstand with my early morning reading material. I like the little essay "Hugging" so much that we adopted a version of it into our daily lives. Our family says, "Hey, I need a little vitamin H," and it is followed with a big hug. We have also invented "vitamin P," which means a loving little pat.

Thought you would like to know what a positive influence one of your letters has been to our family -- we're spreading the word. -- ELIZABETH TYLER BROWN

DEAR ELIZABETH: Your letter warmed my heart. Everybody needs a diet rich in vitamins. My favorite is vitamin TLC, which I enjoy and dispense in liberal doses to everyone I love.

Readers, you can order "Keepers" by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Divorced but Still in Love" asked if it was possible for a couple who had been divorced to make a go of marriage the second time around. You replied that it is possible, if the couple is willing (with the help of a marriage counselor) to confront the issues that broke them up the first time.

The same thing happened to me and my husband, "John." We were married at 18 and had a child at 21. We were both immature, too young to be married. After our divorce, we still spent time together as a family.

Two years later, I met and married "George." George and I had a child together, but he was not a good husband or father. Several months after I divorced George, John and I rekindled our relationship. We have been together for almost five years, married for 3 1/2 years and are blissfully happy together. John is a wonderful father to both boys and doesn't play favorites. I know it can work the second time around; our marriage is proof of it. -- OLDER AND WISER, TABOR CITY, N.C.

DEAR OLDER AND WISER: Congratulations to you both. Sometimes people fail to appreciate the value of what they have until it's gone. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married at 19. In first grade, I would kick him in the shins and then run like the dickens because I "liked" him. My first kiss was from him on my 16th birthday. After four years of separating and getting back together, he said enough is enough and filed for divorce.

Almost a year to the day our divorce was final, we remarried and have not been sorry. (We had continued to see each other and I became pregnant.)

While I don't recommend having a relationship like ours, we have been happy with our decision. Counseling would have been a great help, but we were too stubborn to get it even after we remarried. Long story short, we have been through a lot over the years -- even almost divorcing again -- but we're more in love than ever. With love and faith, we seem to get through it. -- STILL IN LOVE, WHITTIER, CALIF.

DEAR STILL IN LOVE: I'm pleased things are working out for the two of you -- but the next time you hit a rough patch, please reconsider counseling. It could save you both a lot of wear and tear on the spirit.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt and uncle have been divorced from each other twice. They remarried a third time and now have a healthy marriage. In spite of all their marital trials, their two grown sons are just fine. It just goes to show you that what God has joined, let no man put asunder.

If "Divorced" still loves her ex-husband, and he feels the same, then they should go for it. Today's society has made marriage something that's disposable, when in reality, it's not. It's a soul tie that's unbreakable. And yes, Abby, I agree that couple should seek marriage counseling -- this time to heal the damage of the divorce, as well as what went wrong the first time. -- BELIEVER IN SECOND CHANCES IN TEXAS

DEAR BELIEVER: Not all marriages are "soul ties." Some of them are dysfunctional and abusive. In those cases, divorce is healthier for all concerned. But as this column proves, divorce does not have to be the end. Sometimes, it's just another chapter.

DEAR ABBY: I don't have a problem. I just want to know why do so many weird people write you? -- BAFFLED IN WOODLANDS, TEXAS

DEAR BAFFLED: I don't know. Why did you?

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiance's best friend, "Ted," accidentally shot himself in the head in front of another friend, "Matt." Matt blames himself for the accident, even though Ted survived and is doing OK.

Matt and Ted were drinking and looking at Ted's gun. The gun has a history of not ejecting the bullet when you want it to. Ted looked to see if the gun had any bullets in it, and it didn't, so Ted put the barrel to his head and pulled the trigger.

Matt feels that Ted blames him for what happened, although nobody blames him. It was just a stupid accident. Are there any support groups out there that my fiance and I can get Matt into? He's really messed up and needs to talk to someone. -- CARING FRIEND IN MONTANA

DEAR CARING FRIEND: Among the rules of responsible gun ownership are never to point the barrel at anyone and never to presume that the gun is empty. Ted is lucky his stupidity didn't cost him his life. If there is any support group I'd recommend for Matt -- and Ted, too, as soon as he's fully recovered -- it would be AA. It appears both of them have a serious problem with alcohol.

DEAR ABBY: Please print this cautionary tale of infidelity. It involves out-of-town professional conferences. In our small suburb, several marriages have ended on the basis of affairs that were born at these conferences.

In my case, my husband of 35 years confessed that he'd had an "emotional affair" with a single, professional colleague that endured for 20 years. While it was never sexual, they wrote each other letters and love poems -- boxes of them. (She addressed them to his business P.O. box.) They also exchanged gifts, including some he purchased for her during our family vacations and smuggled home.

The usual warning signs of infidelity were absent. There were no unexplained absences, no telephone receipts, no money missing from our joint account, no lipstick on his collars. The only clues were my husband's defensiveness -- and his vague complaints about "something" wrong with our marriage. Yet he refused marriage counseling. Our sex life became passionless, our communication nonexistent. However, to the outside world, we appeared to be a model couple.

My husband is ashamed and remorseful now. We're finally seeing a therapist, who is helping us rebuild our marriage. However, 20 years of deception are difficult to overcome.

My advice? If your mate is less than enthusiastic about having you accompany him or her on trips to professional gatherings, be suspicious. Go to counseling on your own, if need be. And do not be as trusting and naive as I was. If my spouse can cheat, anyone's can. -- SADDER BUT WISER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SADDER: As your letter shows, emotional affairs can be as devastating to a marriage as sexual ones. Although your spouse's affair occurred at business conferences, I receive many letters and e-mails regarding online affairs where the people don't always meet in person. The time and energy poured into these relationships are stolen from the spouse and family.

A THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Marriage is like an empty bowl; it will remain empty unless you put more into it than you take out. Although it is possible to give without loving, you cannot love without giving.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)