DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old woman who has been married for a year and a half. After our wedding, my husband, "Wendell," and I moved 2 1/2 hours away from my hometown. I have a job in the catering business and my husband is a successful attorney. I'm happier now than I have ever been.

The problem is my mother, who has never stopped making me feel guilty about moving. Recently, Mom has become mean and offensive, saying maybe she should just forget about me rather than deal with the pain of my living so far away. She says she'd rather not see her future grandchildren at all if it's going to be only once or twice a month. Mother expects me to visit her whenever I have free time. She refuses to accept that I work full time and have responsibilities.

I have tried to reason with her; her only response is that I should move closer. I know she misses me, but I feel she is being unreasonable. I know of many other parents who have supported their children moving away. I'm afraid I'll lose my mother if I don't move closer. Can you give me some advice? -- MISSING MY MOM IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MISSING: Please don't sacrifice a life in which you are happier than you have ever been in order to please your mother. That you were able to marry and leave the nest is proof that she was successful as a parent. In some families, the umbilical cord is never severed -- it stays connected with chicken soup running in between -- and it's not healthy for anyone.

Your mother is suffering a sense of loss because, before you were married, her entire focus was on you. Many mothers are experts at the kind of manipulation you're experiencing, but you don't have to take the bait. Encourage her to become involved in activities and relationships that will be emotionally rewarding for her. When she starts threatening you with being forgotten, tell your mother that she may forget you but you will always love and remember her. When she says she'd rather not see her future grandchildren at all than once or twice a month, remind her that will mean a loss for everyone. But do not give in to emotional blackmail.

DEAR ABBY: I was dating a man for nearly a year, and it was wonderful until things started to unravel. After we had dated for several months and things were starting to get serious, he introduced me to his 7-year-old daughter, "Emma."

Emma and I took to each other immediately and became great friends. She would call me on the phone and ask to hang out with me and her dad.

Sadly, things with her father and me didn't work out, and I broke off the relationship. Now I'm struggling to explain to Emma why I'm no longer around. What is the best way to deal with this? I love Emma and want to do what is best for her, and I don't want her to think I abandoned her. But I think it would be best to ease my way out of her life so as not to add to her confusion -- especially when her dad's new girlfriend comes along. How should I handle this? -- HEARTBROKEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: The kindest thing would be to visit with Emma and explain to her that the relationship you had with her father wasn't meant to be. Tell her that you think she is terrific, and the breakup had nothing to do with her, so she won't be left with the impression that it's because of something she did. You'll be doing the child a favor.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My father is upset with me and my sister-in-law because we don't ask his wife "Clarice" -- who is a hairdresser -- to cut, color or style our hair.

Clarice primarily services middle-aged and older females, who usually request haircuts and styles far different from what we want as young women. She does a great job as a stylist on that particular kind of client, but we're less confident in her skills with trendier styles and colors -- not because she's incapable, but because you become expert at what you do every day.

We have never discussed our feelings with Clarice; for years we just got our hair done elsewhere. Dad recently let us know that our choice of stylists has hurt his wife's feelings. We all love Clarice dearly and have a good relationship with her otherwise. Do we have a family obligation to use her services? How should this be addressed? -- FEELING TRAPPED IN GEORGIA

DEAR FEELING TRAPPED: It was wrong of your father to put you on the spot, but now that he has, you must talk to Clarice. Many women would rather curl up and "dye" than change hairdressers. Since you have a long-standing relationship with yours, explain that to Clarice. However, please keep in mind that a good hairdresser is more than a one-trick pony.

DEAR ABBY: I have a big decision to make and I need your help. I am from New York but I have lived in Virginia for 10 years. I moved after I got divorced and took my two boys with me.

I went home to New York for the holidays and now would like to move back because my parents and grandmother are getting old. I am 44; my boys are 19 and 21. The problem is, they don't want to go.

I have no life because all I do is take care of my boys. I make good money but I have nothing to show for it because of them. They use me. Both of them live with me and neither one helps with the bills. They both earn as much money as I do, but I am always sacrificing myself to give them money.

I can't take it anymore. I feel if I don't leave them, they'll never grow up. It pains me that I'll be so far away from them, but my brother has offered to sell me his house, and I really want to go. Please help. -- VACILLATING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR VACILLATING: Your "children" aren't children anymore. They are both self-supporting young men. The greatest gift a parent can give a child is independence. The longer you remain a crutch, the longer your sons will lean. If you want to be nearer to your family, for heaven's sake, go! You have the chance of a lifetime, and you should take it.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for completely debasing the act of giving my best friend a pair of diamond earrings on her retirement last year. I find it reprehensible that you assume we had slept together or that we intend to. Is it really that incomprehensible that everything in this world is not about sex? -- INFURIATED IN BELTON, MO.

DEAR INFURIATED: The letter I printed wasn't from your wife. It came from a woman in Minnesota. Not only had her husband bought the woman diamond earrings, but he had also been buying her lingerie from Victoria's Secret. In addition, his wife had caught him lying about his relationship with the recipient. Cool off.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 34-year-old professional woman who has never married. For the last two years, I have been dating "Mel," the single father of 11-year-old "Tracey." We live separately, but I'm at their house frequently, helping with and sharing meals, helping Tracey with her homework, contributing to and buying groceries, doing dishes and other chores. I often sleep at Mel's and am involved in the evening "tucking in" ritual. It has been an enlightening and challenging experience for me.

When I do things independently -- keep in mind that Mel and Tracey are almost always invited to participate in whatever I'm doing -- he often chooses to stay home. Then he tells me it's unfair that I get "all the freedom" and he's stuck here with the kid again. Mel has never had a baby sitter, although the parents of Tracey's friends were willing to have her on play dates a few times when we first started dating.

I try to be fair and helpful, but it seems like Mel resents me (or at least his life choices) for not always dedicating myself to "the family." Is he right? Am I being selfish? Should I stand my ground even if it results in the end of the relationship? -- CORNERED IN MONTANA

DEAR CORNERED: Stand your ground and recognize that you are dealing with a negative personality. Rather than being grateful for everything you do for him and his daughter, Mel is attempting to make you feel guilty for not doing more. It's not selfish to want or need personal time, so please don't allow yourself to be put on the defensive or manipulated.

There is a reason you signed your letter "Cornered." Before devoting more time to the relationship, carefully consider what his expectations of you are and whether you're willing and able to meet them.

DEAR ABBY: I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and named her "Amber Marie." Amber's name was a last-minute decision. Until I went into labor, my husband and I were leaning toward naming her Rhonda Marie, after a deceased relative.

When we announced the change, many family members were less than thrilled. Amber Marie is now 4 months old and some family members are saying things like, "Hi, Amber, you were supposed to be named Rhonda," or "I still like the name Rhonda better."

What should I say to these people? I'm sorry I chose not to honor the relative, but the name was just not right for my daughter. Any suggestions would be helpful. -- NEW MOMMY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NEW MOMMY: Say, "Please stop saying that. Her name is Amber, and I don't want her to be confused."

DEAR ABBY: My marriage is on the rocks. "Irving" and I have discussed divorce, but we have both admitted that we don't want one and would like to work things out. Now Irving is seeing another woman. Does this mean that it's over between us and we should divorce, or should I continue to try to save the marriage? -- WANTS HIM BACK IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR WANTS HIM BACK: Ask Irving if what he said about wanting to save the marriage is still true. If he says yes, tell him that a good marriage requires sacrifice -- and in his case that means forgoing his new ladyfriend and seeking marriage counseling with you. Your husband's reaction will tell you whether to proceed with the divorce.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)