DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Chad" for three years. About a year ago I had sex with a couple of other guys. I immediately confessed to Chad and told him how sorry I was for hurting him. He forgave me and told me he had lied to me about touching the strippers at his brother's bachelor party earlier that year.

Now Chad says that because of my mistakes he wants to be free to be with other girls while still dating me. This includes making out, sex, and anything that a steady couple would do. He told me I can do the same, and he only wants his freedom to ensure that I am the one for him. I don't want to do it because I already know that he's the one for me.

Chad says if I don't allow him to do what he wants, I am being a hypocrite, and he needs to see for himself that I'm the one he wants. Yet he also says he would want to see others regardless of what I did. I don't want to leave him, but I don't want to share him, either. What should I make of this? -- LOVES CHAD IN PEORIA

DEAR LOVES CHAD: Make of this that your boyfriend has wild oats to sow, and he no longer wants an exclusive relationship. This young man is not ready to settle down, and he also isn't sure that you're the woman for him. That's a pretty strong message. So, sad as it may be, pack your emotional bags and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 12. I have skipped a grade, so I'm in grade seven. I read your column every day. Abby, I am NOT one of those girls who "show off" their body, or already have a boyfriend. But I do have a problem. In my opinion, my chest is too big.

I have talked to my mother about this. She says there is nothing wrong with it: "Theirs will be like yours also." My mum and grandmum like buying me clothes, but I am ashamed to wear them -- not because of their style, but because they make my chest seem as big as it is.

Please answer this. I have asked everyone I thought I could ask, but none answered helpfully. Don't get me wrong; I am healthy and everything -- I'm just fed up. -- BIG PROBLEM, HAIFA, ISRAEL

DEAR BIG PROBLEM: Talk to your mother and grandmother again. Although they are proud of the fact that you are developing a womanly figure, they need to understand that you will need some "transition time" to accept the changes that are happening to you. With that in mind, they should accommodate you by helping you to find looser-fitting, less-revealing clothing that you feel comfortable wearing until your classmates catch up with you.

DEAR ABBY: What should I do about a dysfunctional family -- my dear brother and his three-ring circus? His wife never cleans their house; my mother does it when she can. The children, all under 16, are unsupervised and misbehave terribly. The 7-year-old has breathing problems and surgery is pending. She's being home-schooled by my sister-in-law, who has only a sixth- or seventh-grade education. The child is also grossly overweight.

My brother is unwilling to stand up to his wife, who threatens suicide. He refuses to talk to his clergyman or to a counselor. What can I do to intervene? I'm worried about those children. -- WORRIED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR WORRIED: I'm concerned, too. Pick up the phone and call Childhelp USA. The toll-free phone number is (800) 422-4453. Childhelp USA believes it is important to create hope for all children who suffer abuse and neglect, and they can put you in touch with services in your own state that can look into this matter.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman, married to a 44-year-old man I'll call Harlan.

The abuse didn't start until six months after we were married. It didn't happen often at first, so I felt like I deserved being hit. Three years into our marriage, Harlan kicked me until I curled up in the fetal position. Then he soaked me with lighter fluid and told me he'd be right back after he ran a tub of water so he could put me out after I burned. When he left, I jumped into my car and left for the first time.

Soon after, I met someone. He was a great guy and I wanted so badly to be happy, but after six months I returned to Harlan. Harlan had promised that things would be different and, at first, they were great –- until he started drinking again.

Then one day I got in the car with him, and he said we were going for a ride. He pulled out a pistol, pointed it at my head, and told me I'd never breathe again. He made me get on my knees and beg for my life.

Then he ordered me to get into the trunk of the car. I refused, and he fired a shot. The bullet buzzed past my head. Next, he told me to get back in the car next to him. He pointed the gun in my direction and fired. I lost the hearing in my left ear and had severe headaches for months afterward.

You would think after all that I'd leave and never come back, because each time I do it gets worse. I have reported Harlan to the police and they had evidence against him, but still refuse to do anything. My heart is aching and I feel like I am to blame. Please help me. I love my husband, Abby, but I know in my heart if I don't go I'll end up badly hurt. -- HURTING IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR HURTING: Your letter curled my hair. If you don't leave your husband you will wind up DEAD. Although you love him, you must wake up and recognize that his abuse has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He is sick, without the normal controls that people need to function in a healthy relationship, and he is dangerous.

When dealing with a personality like your husband's, you must be very careful about leaving. The people at the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you formulate an escape plan. Their toll-free number is (800) 799-7233. (They also have a TTY number for the hearing-impaired: (800) 787-3224.) Once you are safely away, you will need psychological help to break this cycle, and I pray that this time you'll get it. You will have to make a new start, and mental health professionals who deal with domestic violence can help you accomplish it. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my smart, funny and caring (then) 16-year-old son, "Will," told me he was gay. I was, and am, very supportive and told him my only wish is for him to be happy. At that time, I asked Will to tell his father, and he said he would –- when he was ready.

Two years have passed and still not a word to Dad. I have told Will that I feel his father will be supportive. My son knows that we have gay friends, and he has never heard either of us utter a derogatory word about gays. I don't feel it's my place to tell my husband, but I feel awful that I have known for so long. I'm worried that my husband will be hurt if he finds out just how long I have known without informing him. Should I go ahead and tell my husband, or wait until Will is ready? –- MOM OF A WONDERFUL GAY SON

DEAR MOM: Talk to Will and find out why he won't come out to his father. Your son may have his reasons. However, two years is a long time to carry a "secret" like this one, so tell him that the burden of silence has grown heavy for you. Offer to be with him when he talks to his dad -- but do not betray the confidence.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a safety engineer with the Federal Highway Administration. Because our nation is committed to maintaining its roads and highways, there is an enormous amount of continued road maintenance and reconstruction going on in every state. Much of the work is done at night in order to reduce traffic congestion, which means that our workers are harder to see, and driving through a work zone can be more difficult.

During the period from 1998 to 2002, the number of people killed on foot and in motor vehicle accidents in work zones went from 722 to a high of 1,181 -- with more than 52,000 seriously injured in 2002. The good news is, in 2003, with more emphasis on work zones, the number of fatalities dropped to 1,028 and serious injuries to 41,239. We would like to continue that downward trend.

Please remind everyone who is traveling through a work zone to be extra-attentive to his or her speed, the current road conditions, changing traffic patterns and our highway workers. Safety is everyone's responsibility. Lives can be saved if motorists do their part. -- KENNETH J. KOCHEVAR, SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR KENNETH: I'm glad to do my part. The deaths and injuries you described are preventable. Remember, folks, these workers are on the job to make your travel safe, efficient and smooth. They may be just a few feet on the other side of those orange cones or barriers.

Some safety tips for driving in work zones:

(1) Slow down! Speeding is one of the major causes of work-zone accidents.

(2) Expect the unexpected, including altered traffic lanes.

(3) Don't tailgate. The most common crash in a highway work zone is a rear-end collision because someone was driving too close to the car in front.

(4) Keep your vehicle a safe distance from the construction workers and their equipment.

(5) Obey road-crew flaggers, and pay attention to the signs.

(6) Stay alert and minimize distractions. (This means talking on cell phones or changing radio stations.)

(7) Plan ahead. The National Work Zone Safety Information Clearinghouse, http://wzsafety.tamu.edu, posts links to information on work-zone delays throughout the country. If you know road work is being done in your area, allow enough time to drive safely to your destination, and check radio, TV and Web sites for traffic updates before you hit the road.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single male in my 50s, and I have met a lady I'm getting along with very well. We both agree that a relationship must be built on honesty, among other things.

When is the proper time to make a complete health disclosure? I am on medication for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. All these are under control because of the medications. I certainly plan to tell her about these things, but I don't want to scare her off by telling her too soon, or appear deceptive by waiting too long. What's your advice on this matter? -- HONEST IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR HONEST: When your relationship progresses to the point that you are spending extended periods of time together, it will become apparent that you are taking certain medications. If she asks you about them, answer her questions honestly. If she does not ask, discuss your medical history with her before you propose marriage, because at that time it could affect her decision.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)