DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter sometimes gets scared at night and thinks she hears voices and someone walking near her room. When this happens, my husband will say with complete seriousness, "Perhaps there's an intruder in the house," and then suggest how the intruder may have entered.

The method he suggests is always related to something I have done wrong earlier -- like leaving the back door open too long or forgetting to shut a window.

When I ask him to check the house for intruders (OK, I'm old-fashioned and a scaredy-cat), he says he's too tired and goes to sleep. What's going on here? Is he playing a mind game with my daughter and me, or am I overreacting? -- COWARDLY IN S.F.

DEAR COWARDLY: Your husband's behavior is cruel and unwise. He's encouraging your daughter's fears as a way of punishing you for your forgetfulness. If it continues, your daughter will have phobias that could last a lifetime; it's mental cruelty.

P.S. If there is any question about whether there's an intruder in your house, you should NOT be checking the house alone. The results could be tragic. So the next time the king of your castle pulls that "turning-over-and-going-to-sleep" number, make sure he doesn't reach dreamland.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl. My mom passed away last February. I have a caring and loving father, but at 69, he's a workaholic. This leaves me with school, cleaning, cooking, yard work and taking care of my teenage brothers. Neither of them helps out with anything, and they have no respect for me. If I ask them to do something, they just say I'm not their mom and call me names.

When I tell Dad, he says he'll handle them, but he never does. I'm tired of it! Please help me. I want to run away and never come back. Maybe then they'll think about me. -- DROWNING IN LAWTON, OKLA.

DEAR DROWNING: All of you are grieving right now, and part of your brothers' bad behavior may be that they're angry at having lost their mother. Your father may not realize how unfair the burden is that has been placed on your young shoulders.

Make a list of chores that all of you should share, including your own. Indicate what they are, what days they should be done and who should do them. If your brothers don't do theirs, don't nag. Let them remain undone. That takes the responsibility off your shoulders. You are a good daughter, and you cannot -- nor should you -- do everything. With your mother gone, every one of you is going to have to do his or her fair share.

DEAR ABBY: While shopping at the supermarket yesterday, I noticed a woman removing the coupons from the boxes of plastic bags. I watched her take about 10 of them.

When I walked past her, I told her I thought what she was doing was very rude. She said she was going to use them. Abby, she didn't buy any of the boxes of plastic bags. Should I have found the store manager and said something? -- APPALLED IN VERSAILLES, OHIO

DEAR APPALLED: You should certainly have reported "Ms. Sticky Fingers" to the manager. What the woman was doing was more than rude; it was shoplifting.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been thinking about writing this letter for a long time. I'm the director of a small public library. I love my job and serving our patrons. But you would not believe some of the outrageous behavior that occurs in libraries -- so I have written:

A LIBRARIAN'S PLEA FOR LIBRARY ETIQUETTE

-- Please keep your children with you at all times. A librarian is there to help you select materials -- not baby-sit or clean up after your children. An unattended child can create hours of cleanup work in only a few minutes. Teach your children not to run or shout in the library.

-- If your child throws a tantrum, screams or continually whines, please take the child home. He or she probably needs a nap, a snack, or simply your undivided attention. While you can probably tune him out, other patrons cannot.

-- Do not use your cell phone in the library. No one wants to listen to you scream at your spouse or discuss personal finances. You never know who's listening, but you can be sure somebody is.

-- Do not bring food or drink to the library. A spilled drink can ruin books in an instant. Even if the book dries out, it will develop mold, which spreads to other books.

-- Return materials on time. Most libraries have limited budgets and limited staff to serve a large population. Don't waste our resources by failing to return materials when due. Don't claim you have returned a book when it's actually in your bedroom, child's room, gym locker, office or the back seat of your car. Librarians get no pleasure from collecting fines for overdue materials. Calling to remind you that things are overdue wastes limited staff time. It also wastes time and money to replace lost books, order the replacement (if there's money in the budget), and process it to be put back in circulation.

-- We are happy to help with your reference questions. But please remember we're not magicians. If you have a deadline, plan ahead. While we can perform miracles, they take a little time to accomplish, and there are other patrons to be served.

-- If you want to view pornography, buy a home computer. While we support free speech, our facility needs to be child-friendly. No one -- not children, other patrons or staff -- wants to see your "private life."

-- Talk to us in complete sentences. We are not mind readers. When you silently thrust a library card at us, we don't know what you want unless you tell us.

-- Please remember this is a library, not an office service. We are happy to help you find resources, but don't ask us to do your homework, write your paper, edit your letter or do your taxes.

And by the way, a simple "Thank you" makes our day.

I know this letter is too long to print, Abby, but thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I feel better. -- MARIAN THE LIBRARIAN IN KANSAS

DEAR MARIAN: You're welcome. I'm printing your letter in full because it has merit, and also because I suspect most of the offenders do not know any better.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for 10 years. I raised my three children alone while working a 40-hour week. It hasn't been easy.

Now that my youngest is 15 and the older two are out on their own, I decided to go out with "Harold," a gentleman I have known for five years. He would come every day to visit me and chat with me at work, so I finally accepted one of his invitations to go out for coffee.

Our relationship proceeded from there. Harold accepted me, the kids, my relatives and friends. We get along beautifully. We never disagree or argue. It's like I have been swept off my feet by Prince Charming. I have never been so happy. We do things as a family and are always together -– except every night he goes home at 11 p.m. to his house, which is one hour from mine.

So what's the problem? Harold never mentioned that he has been married for 27 years and has a large family with many grandchildren. I got a phone call from a lady named "Ellen" who told me that Harold is her husband. She said she loves him, and begged me to end the relationship and tell him to go home to his family.

When Harold showed up for supper last night I told him about the phone call. He didn't deny any of it. He asked me if he had said he was married, would I have had coffee with him? Would he be in my life now? He says their marriage has been over since 2000, but because they are wealthy, a divorce would be very expensive, so it's better they live together and go their separate ways. He swears that he loves only me and my family, and he wants our relationship to continue!

Abby, I'm 45 years old and scared. I can't believe this has happened to me. I'm sick, brokenhearted and confused. Please tell me what to do. -- MISERABLE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISERABLE: Harold may have financial wealth, but it appears he's morally bankrupt. He may "love you," but he loves two things more -– the status quo and his money. As much as you may care for him, please understand that you wouldn't be sick, brokenhearted and confused if he hadn't put you in this situation. Forty-five years old is the prime of life. Please don't be afraid. Tell this self-centered jerk the romance is over and send him back to his wife. The longer you allow this relationship to continue, the harder it'll be to make a new start -– and frankly, you deserve better.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old daughter lives in Denver. She grew up with her mother, although I was an active -– albeit distant -– father.

My problem is that we very rarely communicate, and when we do, I always do the calling. I never receive a birthday or Father's Day card, or even a Christmas card from her, for that matter. Although I send her these little remembrances, she never acknowledges any gift or card from me or any of my family.

I now have a terminal illness, Abby. My daughter is aware of this. Should I press her for more contact, or has she given her answer to my condition? -- STUMPED DAD IN LOUISIANA

DEAR STUMPED DAD: Sometimes no communication sends a powerful message. Do not press your daughter for more contact. Do, however, write her a letter expressing what you need to say to her. That way, after you are gone, you will have left nothing unsaid.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)