DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are retired and live about four hours away. When they visit, they bring their male miniature schnauzer, "Liebchen," with them. Being a dog lover and owner myself, I don't mind them bringing the dog. What I do mind is that Liebchen keeps marking his territory INSIDE my home. During a two-day visit at Easter, he urinated in at least four locations.

When this happens, my mother-in-law just giggles and says, "That's what little boys do." I have pointed out that my dog doesn't do it, and it is not acceptable behavior. She just shrugs. After they left, I found another spot where Liebchen had urinated. This time he took the finish off an antique copper plant stand. My mother-in-law never even considered punishing or scolding him.

There is no question that it's Liebchen doing this. He has ruined a sofa, a chair and a dining room rug in my sister-in-law's home. Abby, the dog is house-trained and he's not incontinent. He does it because he thinks he's in charge -- which in their house he is.

My husband is reluctant to say anything to his parents, although this bothers him as much as it does me. Is it appropriate for me to discipline their dog in my home? If not, how can I politely tell them that if they can't control their dog, he is no longer welcome? -- SATURATED IN ATLANTA

DEAR SATURATED: That your in-laws would allow their animal to destroy your home is disgraceful. It should not be your job to discipline their dog. That's THEIR job.

However, since they don't seem to be up to it, the next time they mention they're coming for a visit, offer to board little Liebchen at a kennel. Or try this: Suggest that instead of them coming to visit you -- you and their son will go to visit THEM. (And take your dog.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband's aunt, "Vivian," recently confided a family secret. She told me that my father-in-law is not my husband's biological father. (I have always instinctively felt that he wasn't.) Aunt Vivian also informed me that the person was her now-deceased husband, "Uncle Zeke." Abby, it was incest. Uncle Zeke was my husband's mother's brother.

Aunt Vivian asked me never to divulge this to anyone, but my husband and I have a marriage that's based on trust. I feel that I should tell him. But if I do, it will mean breaking a promise to an old woman whose husband is no longer here to defend himself. Should I go to my husband with this, or go to my mother-in-law and tell her?

My husband and his parents do not have a close relationship. He has always been treated like the black sheep in the family. His younger brother was given all the attention and was treated like a prince by his parents. An example: My in-laws had a family portrait taken of them with their youngest son. My husband was not asked to be in the picture. Because of this, I feel I wouldn't be upsetting a close family if I reveal this.

What should I do? I'm afraid if I don't tell my husband and he finds out later that I knew, it will cause problems in our marriage. -- LOST IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOST: Aunt Vivian didn't confide a family secret; she exploded a family bombshell. It would explain why your husband has been treated the way he has by his parents all these years.

It was unfair of Aunt Vivian to place such a burden on your shoulders, so go back to this fountain of information and tell her that you don't keep secrets from your husband and she has a choice -- she can tell him or you will. It could answer a lot of painful questions for him.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: There are 20 million quilters in the USA, and I bet you will hear from a lot of them about the answer you gave "Krista in Salt Lake City," who asked what she should do with an heirloom quilt.

You advised that the quilt should be taken to a dry cleaner to be packed for storage, and later it could be displayed in a shadow box frame as long as it isn't exposed to direct sunlight.

Abby, that quilt should NOT be sent to a cleaners. It should NOT be stored in plastic, nor should it be hung for more than three months. -- NANCY I., SALINAS, CALIF.

DEAR NANCY I.: I had thought that a cleaner who specializes in wedding gowns would know how to preserve an antique quilt. But not according to serious quilters! After Krista's letter was printed, the amount of mail I received from concerned quilters was astonishing. Read on:

FROM EASTHAMPTON, MASS.: Krista should not, under any circumstances, let that quilt be cleaned by a commercial dry cleaner. Some 19th-century cottons are fragile and will disintegrate when touched by cleaning chemicals.

Krista should contact a local museum (the larger the better) with a textile collection for advice, or get in touch with her local quilt guild. If she can find someone from the American Quilt Studies Group, even better.

The quilt should be properly documented, photographed, wrapped in acid-free tissue paper, and stored in a dark, dry place. If she wants to display it, she should invest in a climate-controlled case, have it mounted in the case by someone who's familiar with antique textiles, and keep it out of sunlight.

FROM VISALIA, CALIF.: The quilt should be wrapped in a cotton sheet with as few folds as possible. It should be removed from the sheet and refolded every few months so that the creases are not in the same place. Ideally, it should be rolled so there are no folds, but most people don't have that kind of storage capability. If she needs more help, there are quilt guilds in Salt Lake City, or a fabric store might be of help.

FROM MONTEREY, CALIF.: As a textile conservator at the Monterey History and Art Association, I could not refrain from writing. No textile should EVER be stored in plastic or even an ordinary box, which is acid. Plastic emits toxic chemicals that eventually damage the textile, and the acid box will also damage fabrics.

The first thing Krista should do is wrap the quilt in a clean cotton sheet until she can get the proper storage materials. (We store our more than 5,000 pieces of antique clothing and textiles in acid-free boxes with acid-free tissue paper wrapping.) Also, if the quilt is ever framed, that frame should be made of acid-free materials. (A good framer would be able to do this.)

You were correct about not exposing the textiles to direct sunlight, or for that matter, any strong light.

FROM SIGNAL MOUNTAIN, TENN.: Please tell that young, intelligent woman to contact a professional quilt restorer. A quilt of that age could very well be a state treasure if her brother could bear to part with it. Storage in a climate-controlled location would be of value. The American Quilter's Society in Paducah, Ky., could be helpful in locating a qualified professional in her area; the Web site is www.americanquilter.com.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A woman I'll call "Millie" has been like a second mother to me. Millie has been with "Jack" for a long time. When I was little, Jack fondled me, but I never told anyone.

Seven years ago, Jack was convicted of child molestation. He has just been released from prison.

I'm being married in October, and Millie plans to bring Jack to my wedding. Should I tell people with small children that he's a pedophile, or should I ask Millie not to bring him? She would prefer I not tell anyone that he's a pedophile.

My fiance doesn't want him there, and I'm having a hard time deciding what to do. Any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated. -- BRIDE-TO-BE, BERWICK, PA.

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Allow me to make the decision for you. Tell your "second mother" that Jack victimized you when you were little, and he's not welcome at your wedding, because neither you nor your fiance wants him there. Child molesters are supposed to avoid places where there are small children, and he probably shouldn't be there, anyway.

Now that he's out of prison, Jack should be listed on your state's sex-offender Web site. However, to make absolutely certain he doesn't take advantage of any children in your family, their parents should be warned. Had your parents been warned, you might have been spared.

DEAR ABBY: I am a counselor and never thought I'd need to write to Dear Abby, but this one has me stumped. Two days before my 83-year-old mother died, Dad called her younger sister, "Aunt Betty," to let her know that Mom's death was imminent. During that conversation, Aunt Betty told him my mother had "run around" as a girl, caused problems for the family, and had sex with several boys in her school. Dad was devastated at this news.

It is now a year and a half later, and Daddy is still depressed about this. He's very angry at Aunt Betty, and so am I. She did a terrible thing, revealing these secrets when her sister was literally on her deathbed. Aunt Betty justified it by saying "the truth" should come out.

I have tried to let this go, but I'm so angry at her that I think I should tell her how deeply her words have affected us. What do you think? -- RESENTFUL IN OREGON

DEAR RESENTFUL: If I thought the scolding would do any good, I'd say go ahead, but I don't think it will. That your mother's sister would seek to tarnish her memory shows how jealous and resentful your aunt was of your mother. What makes you think it's true just because she said it? Your mother was a good wife and loving mother, and whatever might have happened before is unimportant. I recommend a hefty dose of amnesia: Forget your mother ever had a sister. Both you and your father will be happier.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are going head-to-head about whose name should appear first on letters, address labels, etc. We live together but are not engaged, and we send out cards as well as receive them from couples in similar circumstances.

I believe the woman's name should come first, but he says the man's name should be first whether you're dating, engaged or married. Who is right? -- NEEDS TO BE SURE, WALDORF, MD.

DEAR NEEDS TO BE SURE: According to the 16th edition of Emily Post's Etiquette, you are correct. Not only should the woman's name come first, it should be written on the line above the man's.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)