DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Andrew" for four years. It's my second marriage and his third. Two months after our wedding, Andrew was diagnosed with colon cancer. I stood by his side and supported him even though his family did not help me.

Andrew was in remission for three years, during which he was abusive physically, mentally and emotionally. I wanted to take my children and leave -- but six months ago he was diagnosed with liver cancer. I couldn't leave him alone at a time like that, so I decided to stay.

Since then, Andrew has twice threatened to kill himself and take me with him. I'm scared, but I'm afraid to leave him alone because he is my husband. He wants nothing to do with counseling.

During one of his appointments, I learned that he had hepatitis and didn't tell me. (I have since had myself and the children checked, and we are fine.) I no longer trust Andrew, and I'm afraid to sleep at night. My children now live with my mother, who is not far away. He has done many other things to make me not trust him any longer. His family is no help. Should I stay and continue to be supportive? Please help me. -- EXHAUSTED AND SLEEPLESS IN LA

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Schedule an appointment with your husband's doctor and tell him or her what you have told me. Other arrangements should be made for his care. He appears to be mentally unbalanced, and he could attempt to carry out his threat. Unless you are willing to risk your children being left with no mother, you will do this for their sakes, not to mention your own.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a new clerical job for only a few weeks. I type a lot of handwritten drafts for my computer-illiterate boss. While typing, I have noticed that the grammar he uses for in-house correspondence is less than stellar. I correct small mistakes where necessary, but I'm uncomfortable with changing sentence structure or reshaping paragraphs, although my boss's writing could benefit from it. If I could edit as I please, his correspondence would be more concise and easier to read.

Should I bother to correct his mistakes, aside from spelling and verb tense? The public doesn't see any of this, and everyone here is already aware of his writing style. What will make him look worse -- poor grammar, or a sudden, inexplicable improvement that seemed to arrive with his new secretary? What will make me look worse -- letting this slide, or appearing uppity?

Also, if I should be reworking his drafts, how should I broach the subject of asking permission to do so? He's very casual as far as bosses go, but I don't want to cause embarrassment by pointing out that I have stronger writing skills. -- GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT: I see nothing uppity or embarrassing in saying to an employer that English grammar is your strong suit and asking if he would mind if you rework his correspondence -- as long as he reviews any draft before it is sent out. Bosses usually value employees who make them look better than they actually are.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please give me your definition of maturity? Thank you in advance. -- WONDERING IN WOODBURY

DEAR WONDERING: Maturity is the ability to control our impulses, to think beyond the moment, and consider how our words and our actions will affect ourselves and others before we act.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: An older reader with a broken wrist recently wrote me to complain that it has become impossible for seniors to open various products because manufacturers now seal them so securely. True to form, my readers stepped up to the plate to offer helpful suggestions. (Dear Abby readers are without a doubt the kindest, most generous people in the world!) Read on:

FROM WAUWATOSA, WIS.: There's a product that is indispensable for weakened or arthritic hands. It's a thin, flat disc made of pliable rubber, textured on one side. A friend gave me one years ago, and it helps me get a grip on hard-to-open jars. Some businesses give them away as promotional items, and I think they're available in hardware stores.

FROM ANDOVER, MINN.: If that reader eats fresh broccoli, he or she is in luck. The stems are held together by small, sturdy, wide rubber bands. Slip one around the top of a jar or bottle and it can be twisted off without straining your wrist -- I guarantee. I'm 84, and into everything!

FROM WALLINGFORD, CONN.: I just hold the top of the jar or bottle under hot running water for a few seconds. The heat causes it to expand and makes opening easier.

FROM WESTON, MO.: I'm a senior, too. Here's the answer ... put on a pair of rubber gloves, and you'll get a better grip on the item.

FROM SEATTLE: I'm a caregiver. I don't know if the general population knows this, but a lot of pharmacies will fill their prescriptions in bubble packs. Bubble packs are similar to bubble wrap. Getting to the medication is as easy as popping an air-filled bubble. The agency I work for does business with a pharmacy that will even put over-the-counter medications into bubble packs.

FROM MISSOULA, MONT.: I use a wide-bladed flat screwdriver. I insert the blade under the edge of the lid and pry it up in a few places. It breaks the vacuum seal and the jar unscrews easily.

FROM OAK HARBOR, WASH.: I keep a magnetic bottle opener handily stuck on the door of my refrigerator. To open stubborn jars, I slip the point under the edge of the lid and break the seal.

FROM NEW JERSEY: I read with amusement and sympathy the letter from "Broken Wrist in Alabama." Rather than spend $50 for an electric jar opener, I sprang for a buck-and-a-half ice pick. I puncture a hole in the center of the lid with the ice pick, the vacuum is released and the lid simply twists off. If the contents of the jar are not completely used, I seal the opening with cellophane tape or plastic wrap for storage. It's an easy, low-cost solution to a problem many of us have to deal with.

FROM KENTS STORE, VA.: It's not just medicines and food stuffs, Abby. Battery packs, small tools, all kinds of things are almost impossible to open because they are sealed in tough plastic. I am fit and active. I garden and am pretty strong, but some of those packages almost defeat me. There's no way to open this kind of packaging without scissors or worse. I hope somebody listens to this.

DEAR READERS: So do I!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are retired and live about four hours away. When they visit, they bring their male miniature schnauzer, "Liebchen," with them. Being a dog lover and owner myself, I don't mind them bringing the dog. What I do mind is that Liebchen keeps marking his territory INSIDE my home. During a two-day visit at Easter, he urinated in at least four locations.

When this happens, my mother-in-law just giggles and says, "That's what little boys do." I have pointed out that my dog doesn't do it, and it is not acceptable behavior. She just shrugs. After they left, I found another spot where Liebchen had urinated. This time he took the finish off an antique copper plant stand. My mother-in-law never even considered punishing or scolding him.

There is no question that it's Liebchen doing this. He has ruined a sofa, a chair and a dining room rug in my sister-in-law's home. Abby, the dog is house-trained and he's not incontinent. He does it because he thinks he's in charge -- which in their house he is.

My husband is reluctant to say anything to his parents, although this bothers him as much as it does me. Is it appropriate for me to discipline their dog in my home? If not, how can I politely tell them that if they can't control their dog, he is no longer welcome? -- SATURATED IN ATLANTA

DEAR SATURATED: That your in-laws would allow their animal to destroy your home is disgraceful. It should not be your job to discipline their dog. That's THEIR job.

However, since they don't seem to be up to it, the next time they mention they're coming for a visit, offer to board little Liebchen at a kennel. Or try this: Suggest that instead of them coming to visit you -- you and their son will go to visit THEM. (And take your dog.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband's aunt, "Vivian," recently confided a family secret. She told me that my father-in-law is not my husband's biological father. (I have always instinctively felt that he wasn't.) Aunt Vivian also informed me that the person was her now-deceased husband, "Uncle Zeke." Abby, it was incest. Uncle Zeke was my husband's mother's brother.

Aunt Vivian asked me never to divulge this to anyone, but my husband and I have a marriage that's based on trust. I feel that I should tell him. But if I do, it will mean breaking a promise to an old woman whose husband is no longer here to defend himself. Should I go to my husband with this, or go to my mother-in-law and tell her?

My husband and his parents do not have a close relationship. He has always been treated like the black sheep in the family. His younger brother was given all the attention and was treated like a prince by his parents. An example: My in-laws had a family portrait taken of them with their youngest son. My husband was not asked to be in the picture. Because of this, I feel I wouldn't be upsetting a close family if I reveal this.

What should I do? I'm afraid if I don't tell my husband and he finds out later that I knew, it will cause problems in our marriage. -- LOST IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOST: Aunt Vivian didn't confide a family secret; she exploded a family bombshell. It would explain why your husband has been treated the way he has by his parents all these years.

It was unfair of Aunt Vivian to place such a burden on your shoulders, so go back to this fountain of information and tell her that you don't keep secrets from your husband and she has a choice -- she can tell him or you will. It could answer a lot of painful questions for him.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)