DEAR ABBY: I am a bed-and-breakfast owner. I have a strict two-week cancellation policy for reservations. I have just had a terrible experience with a guest who canceled five days before he was scheduled to arrive. Abby, I have only four guest rooms. When someone cancels on short notice, I am unable to resell the room in time, and I'm out one-quarter of my revenue for that night.

This particular guest had reserved a room for two nights. I told him he was responsible and tried to run the credit card he held the reservation with. It didn't work. (Big surprise!)

I am not out to make people's lives difficult, but if they don't want a reservation at an independent B&B, they shouldn't make one. Please spread the word about how this affects small-business people like me and many others. -- STIFFED IN ST. PAUL

DEAR STIFFED: I'll spread the word as requested, but perhaps you should count your blessings. If the card was no good, how would you have felt after feeding and lodging this boor for two days? In the future, you'd be wise to verify the credit-card number as soon as a reservation is made. It will save you a lot of grief.

DEAR ABBY: I am legally blind and wear sunglasses all the time. I completely understand children asking me why I'm wearing sunglasses, but I feel adults should know better. When a woman walks into a store with sunglasses and a white-tipped cane, isn't that obvious enough? But I am frequently asked smart questions like, "Are you famous or something?" or "Who are you hiding from?"

Please inform your readers that blind people are just like everyone else. We want to go to the store without being asked a thousand questions. -- FED UP IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: Most people understand that folks with dark glasses and white-tipped canes are blind. The individuals making those "cute" comments may have challenges of their own -- ignorance or a poor sense of humor.

As I see it, you have several choices in handling the situation. You can ask, "Why do you ask?" You can inform them that you are blind, or ignore them. Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to respond.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend, "Bernice," and I attend plays, concerts and book review meetings together. We live in a smallish city. Bernice never left this city and, therefore, she has many old friends, business associates, church colleagues, etc.

I lived in a large city and only recently moved back here. Whenever Bernice and I go to a function of any kind, she knows many people. She will stop and talk to these people, sometimes for as long as 15 minutes, while I stand and wait for her on the sidelines. Sometimes she will introduce me, but then they talk about their churches or business that I know nothing about.

This is the first time in my life I have been treated this way. Lately I have avoided going places with her. How should I handle this? -- LEFT OUT IN LAS CRUCES

DEAR LEFT OUT: If no one has informed Bernice that good manners dictate she introduce you when you go places together, it's time to tell her how uncomfortable you feel when you are excluded from the conversations. And if it continues, ask someone with more social sensitivity to accompany you to these functions.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After six years of marriage and a beautiful daughter, my wife, "Chanelle," demanded a separation. She said she needed time to "find herself." She forgot to mention that she was having an affair with a subordinate at work, "Earl." Eventually, Earl's wife and I found out. Chanelle lost her job, her boyfriend and her self-respect.

Suddenly she wanted me back. I wasn't sure I could live with a woman who had lied and cheated on me.

After a year later, Chanelle became pregnant with our son, who is due in a few months. I'm positive the baby is mine, so we decided for the children's sake to reconcile.

I still can't forgive Chanelle for the affair. She used a string of lies to cover her activities, so I'm having severe trust issues. I was faithful throughout our marriage. While we were separated, I frequently lent her money and ran errands for her. At the time, she told me she hadn't been in love with me since the birth of our daughter. Now I feel used.

During our separation, I made sure our daughter called Chanelle's parents every night. We spent holidays with them while Chanelle worked. Instead of thanking me for it, they insist that I drove their daughter into the arms of another man. To make things worse, my parents refuse to accept Chanelle back into the family.

In all fairness, Chanelle was the last person you'd think would have an affair. She was family-oriented and had conservative values. Earl was the last person you'd imagine she'd choose. He's a chain-smoking, married redneck with a history of infidelity.

Both sets of in-laws are trying to sabotage the marriage, my feelings for my wife have changed, and I now realize I never really knew Chanelle at all. Can this marriage be saved? -- SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR SHAKEN: Absolutely, provided you and your wife make up your minds that you really need each other and are willing to work out your problems in marriage counseling. Both of you have your work cut out for you. You must explore what drove you apart in the first place and fix it. Do not blame your parents for their attitude, or your in-laws for reacting to what they were told during your separation. If you and Chanelle make it clear that nothing will come between you, they'll come to accept it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Chris," a wonderful guy, for nine months. The subject of marriage has come up, and Chris says that when he's married he will not wear a wedding ring because of his job. He is a police officer.

I don't think wearing a wedding ring would in any way put his life at risk. I'm extremely upset about this. Am I making a big deal out of nothing -– or is Chris making excuses out of fear of commitment? -- SUSPICIOUS IN ROCHESTER

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I consulted the Los Angeles Police Department and was told that an officer may wear a wedding band on duty if he or she chooses. However, if the officer is going undercover, it might be in his or her best interest not to wear certain jewelry.

If Chris was the one who raised the subject of marriage, I doubt he has a fear of commitment. It's possible that he simply doesn't like to wear jewelry. Not all married men wear wedding rings, and not all men who wear them are faithful husbands. If I were you, I'd lighten up.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm a federal law enforcement officer and proud of my job. I have worked hard to get to this position, and I would like to live to retirement.

There are people in my community who know what I do for a living and feel compelled to tell everyone else. I don't wear a uniform, and I don't need everyone to know who I am. Many people would never guess what I do for a living, and that is fine with me. Let them assume that I'm a nurse, a secretary or a stay-at-home mom.

If I'm in a social situation off-duty such as a restaurant, school function, church or beauty salon, invariably someone will see me and announce for all to hear, "Do you have your gun in your purse?" or they'll call me by my job title.

I have asked them to please stop and just call me by name. They don't seem to get it. They could get me killed! I'm sure I speak for many other plainclothes officers. I may be having dinner with a friend, or I could be involved in an undercover operation and have my cover blown.

I deal with violent offenders who have family members and friends in the area. Those individuals may attend the same school as my child or the same church that I do. Please, Abby, ask your readers not to make our jobs more difficult than they already are. -- OFFICER ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR OFFICER ANYWHERE: Your letter is an important one, because I'm sure you're not the only officer of the law who has encountered this problem.

People may act this way because your profession seems glamorous and they want to appear to be "in the know." It could also be thoughtlessness or just plain stupidity. However, because the individuals you mentioned continue to do it despite having been asked not to, my advice is to remind them that there are legal penalties for endangering the life of a member of law enforcement, and if they don't "cease and desist" you will be forced to take the necessary steps to protect yourself.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column you advised the mother of a girl who had confided that she is gay and wants to come out, that homosexuality has "nothing to do with parenting and everything to do with genetics." You need to retract that statement. If you do not publicly admit your error, I will know you are a mouthpiece for the gay and lesbian crowd. -- LEONARD IN LYNCHBURG

DEAR LEONARD: If I did not believe with all my heart that what I wrote is true, I wouldn't have put my thoughts on paper. Homosexuality is simply a variant of sexual orientation. Those who claim it is "unnatural" should direct their attention to Dr. Joan Roughgarden, a biologist at Stanford University with a Ph.D. from Harvard, who states that more than 300 vertebrate species have been found to practice homosexuality. (A visit to any zoo might confirm it.) And while one gene may not be responsible for this variant, Italian researcher Andrea Camperio-Ciani of the University of Padua notes that research findings point to there being more than one "gay gene," and that the genetic factors linked to homosexuality in men are also linked to increased fertility in women.

I stand by my reply.

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