DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Don," and I have been married for five years. We have two beautiful children, and Don is a terrific father. For the most part, we have a good life together and get along well.

The problem is his sister, "Marsha." Marsha has major boundary issues, and she tries to undermine my role as both mother and wife. Their mother died young, and Marsha took on the role of mother. She still hasn't let go.

When Don and I first began dating, Marsha said some extremely nasty things in an effort to break us up. For example, she said I wasn't his type (right!), that he had been promiscuous in his past (not true), and that I would never know Don as well as she knows him. (She still says it on a regular basis.)

When Don and I have the rare quarrel, he goes running off to Marsha for advice. He also spends time with her on his days off, and they discuss very personal issues in our marriage. Marsha uses this personal information as fodder for gossip and pretends to be our "counselor." Because Don knows it upsets me, he now lies about visiting her or her coming over. I am on the brink of telling him I don't want to see his sister anymore.

Other than our issues with her, our life is wonderful. Any advice regarding a worse-than-mother-in-law sister-in-law? -- SEEING RED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SEEING RED: An effective counselor is someone who is unbiased. A worse-than-mother-in-law should not be assuming the role of "counselor." Because of her dual role in your husband's life, she should (ethically) disqualify herself.

On some level, your husband must realize that when he runs to his sister, she'll automatically take his side. That's neither a fair nor healthy solution to your problems. Some sessions with a professional marriage counselor could help you resolve your differences. It could also lengthen -- if not sever -- his sibling umbilical cord, and I strongly recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I have an ethics question for you.

The other night, my husband and I went to a movie -- something we seldom do. When we got into the theater and looked at our ticket stubs, we realized we'd been charged the senior rate rather than the one for adult admission.

I'm only 51, but I started turning gray in college and don't color my hair. My husband is a couple of years younger (I call him my "boy toy"), but I'm sure we looked "old" to the pink-cheeked high school student selling the tickets.

This has happened to me on a couple of other occasions, and I have said nothing. On the one hand, I feel like we are receiving a benefit under false pretenses. On the other hand, I still recall being 11 and tall for my age, and being required to buy adult tickets from people who didn't believe I wasn't 12.

I would never claim to be a senior to get a discount, because I'm not -- and we did buy popcorn that we might otherwise not have purchased. I think to have said something, especially after the fact, would have embarrassed us all. In your opinion, what's the right thing to do? -- JANET IN PALM SPRINGS

DEAR JANET: The right thing to do is to inquire when you reach the ticket booth how old a person must be to get a senior discount. The age can vary among different establishments -- including restaurants -- and if you don't qualify for the discount, be honest enough to say so.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your advice for the attractive HIV-positive young woman was perfect if the world was perfect -- but it's not. As a middle-aged gay man, HIV-positive for 15 years, my status should shock no one -- yet I'm usually rejected once I reveal my status.

I see three imperfect choices for her: Be open about her HIV to everyone she meets (she will thereby "benefit" by having a reputation). Tell her suitors up front during the first romantic outing. Or wait until weeks into dating, only to be disappointed again and again.

I chose the second. I take care of this nasty notification business as early as possible, preferably not in the heat of passion. The lies an HIV-positive person encounters can be quite an education. I'm nearly always told, "Thanks for telling me, being honest with me. It's OK, we'll just play safe," and the guy vanishes.

I now have a wonderful partner (he's negative) who loves me as I am. One day, I hope she'll be equally blessed. -- STEVE IN L.A.

DEAR STEVE: I don't think a person's illness or disability should define her or him. I advised the woman to take the time to get to know someone -- and let him get to know her -- before having sex, and that when she was ready for physical intimacy, she should disclose. Many people disagreed, but not all. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have AIDS and I'm happily married. I have lived with HIV for many years and have always been up-front about it. People respect me for being honest. When I was dating, I always let the man know. If he wasn't open, then I knew he wasn't "Mr. Right." Honesty is the best policy. -- MARRIED WITH AIDS IN FLORIDA

DEAR MARRIED: I agree. And in a case like this, honesty is a must. Thanks for sharing your success story.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived with HIV for 14 years and am involved with HIV education programs. I have found it's best to get the message over with up front. While it's painful if someone you're interested in drops you because of your status, it's better to find out early than waste time on someone who can't handle it. Take it from someone who's been there many times over.

Some cities offer social events specifically for people who have HIV, and there are several online dating resources. Two of them are: www.pozmatch.com and www.positivepersonals.com. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN TEXAS

DEAR B.T.D.T.: Your letter will comfort more people than you know. Thanks for writing.

And by the way, dear readers, here are two online dating sites for people with herpes: www.h-date.com and www.hmates.com.

DEAR ABBY: You were correct when you told that writer, "If the man loves you, he won't leave you." I hope the writer believes you, because what you said is the truth.

More than a year ago, I met a charming, handsome gentleman. We're both mature professionals in our 40s. Our relationship progressed very slowly, but when things finally began to heat up, I asked him directly what his status was. After looking into his eyes for two seconds, I knew the truth. He confirmed that he was HIV-positive and had been for 18 years.

I was stunned, because he appeared to be the picture of health. He looked at me and said, "If you walk away now, I won't blame you." I'm forever grateful that he waited to tell me, and that we had built enough of a relationship that I stayed and listened.

Many people read your column, and your messages are highly regarded. Thank you for not perpetuating a "run for the hills" mentality when it comes to HIV and relationships. -- FOUND MY SOUL MATE IN PA.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been making your pecan pie recipe for more than 10 years and have received many compliments along the way.

Several years ago, a festival was held in our small town on the courthouse lawn. Among the activities was a contest for the best pie, which I entered using your recipe. To the delight of my wife and friends, and the chagrin of the other contestants -- all ladies of the town -- I took first prize! Of course, I had to bake one for each and every one of my close friends. I think it's time you reprinted the recipe.

Love your column, Abby. -- DAVID HARPER, FAYETTEVILLE, TENN.

DEAR DAVID: I'm taking your suggestion, and I'm delighted that the pie was such a hit for you. My mother, Pauline Phillips, a woman with a notorious sweet tooth, discovered it in the early '60s when it was served to her at the now-demolished Phoenix Hotel in Lexington, Ky. The recipe was created by the hotel's pastry chef, who kindly shared the recipe with her.

Readers, today I'm sharing the recipe with you:

ABBY'S FAMOUS PECAN PIE

-- 9-inch unbaked pie crust

-- 1 cup light corn syrup

-- 1 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

-- 3 eggs, slightly beaten

-- 1/3 cup butter, melted

-- 1/2 teaspoon salt

-- 1 teaspoon vanilla

-- 1 heaping cup pecan halves

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a large bowl, combine corn syrup, sugar, eggs, butter, salt and vanilla; mix well. Pour into unbaked pie crust; sprinkle with pecan halves.

3. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 50 minutes or until center is set. (Toothpick inserted in center will come out clean when pie is done.) Cool. If crust or pie appears to be getting too brown, cover with foil for the remaining baking time.

You can top it with a bit of whipped cream, but even plain, nothing tops this!

TIP: The original recipe stated that the pie should be baked 45 to 50 minutes in a preheated 350-degree gas oven. If an electric oven is used, it may be necessary to add 15 to 20 minutes to the baking time. (Begin testing the pie with a toothpick after 45 minutes.)

Readers, this recipe is included in my set of cookbooklets, which contain more than 100 mouthwatering recipes for soups, salads, appetizers, main courses and desserts. Some people have told me they have held "Dear Abby Dinner Parties" using the cookbooklets. The set can be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Can you explain to me why everybody in the neighborhood can hear a barking dog except the dog's owner? -- PETER IN CANTON, OHIO

DEAR PETER: For the same reason that the parents of screaming children in restaurants ignore it. They've grown so used to it that they no longer hear the disruption.