DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend cheated on me -- and I'm only 12! We were going out for nine months, and one day after school, I saw him kissing a girl in back of the school building. He's 14, and she is older than him.

Am I too young to be dealing with this kind of problem? Heck, am I too young to have a boyfriend at all? Please answer this, Abby. I need advice. -- "KITTY" IN ARIZONA

DEAR KITTY: I'm sure it was a blow seeing someone you thought you had an exclusive relationship with kissing someone else. The years between 10 and 13 can be a particularly difficult time for girls. You are no longer a little girl, and you are not yet a teenager. (There used to be a saying, "Too old for toys and too young for boys," that describes the situation.)

At your age, if you are "going out" at all, it should be in groups. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be interested in boys -- this won't be the last one you have romantic feelings for -- but for now, a 14-year-old boy is too advanced for you, and you should slow down

DEAR ABBY: I have an elderly neighbor whose wife passed away four months ago. He has told me he's lonely, so I try to visit him once a month (sometimes bringing food), and chat with him when we see each other outside.

My husband and I have invited him to dinner twice, and both times he has made an excuse not to come ("bad weather," "not feeling well"). However, I'm getting the feeling the real reason may be he doesn't want to come to dinner with two very active -- although not undisciplined -- preschool children. I'm not offended by this; I'm just wondering if I should continue inviting him. -- TRYING TO BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TRYING: Your neighbor could have any number of reasons why he doesn't accept your invitation, including liking the relationship the way it is or being unable to reciprocate your hospitality. Three times is the charm. Ask him once more, and if he refuses your invitation, do not pressure him further about coming over.

DEAR ABBY: I am grown, married and have two adult brothers -- one married, one single. My husband and I have been house-hunting in the same town where my mother and brothers live. (They all live separately.)

My problem is, when we were looking at houses, my mom kept mentioning building a mother-in-law unit in back or getting a house big enough for the three of us. She said it jokingly, but it made me uncomfortable. My husband had made it clear that Mom is NOT moving in. She is not old and she still works, but has a job that doesn't pay particularly well.

What should I say when she jokes about living with us? I spoke to my brothers about it, and she never says anything like this to them. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: There are three ways to deal with it. When she "jokingly" suggests moving in with you, you can laugh and say, "Oh, Mom, you're such a joker!" In a more serious vein, you can tell her that it just won't be possible and ask her to please stop bringing the subject up because it makes you uncomfortable. Or simply let the comment drop with no response at all.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You were wrong, wrong, wrong to tell an atheist to say "amen" at the end of grace at dinner. Atheists do not believe that a god or gods of any kind exist.

"Amen," according to my dictionary, is used to express solemn ratification. Atheists do not ratify religion. Being coerced to appear to do so in the name of etiquette can leave an atheist feeling used and dishonest.

I, like many atheists, consider religion to be superstition, which, for the most part, is harmful to people. At its worst, religion prompts people to blow up buildings with innocent people -- even children -- in them. Examples include the "Christian" Identity gangsters who blew up the Federal Building in Oklahoma and the Muslims who flew airplanes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. -- HAPPY HEATHEN IN TEXAS

DEAR H.H.: We live in a country that guarantees religious freedom -- and that includes freedom FROM religion, if people wish. I disagree with you that religion is harmful, however. Religion doesn't prompt people to perpetrate the evils you described; FANATICISM does, when believers are inflamed by leaders with a political agenda.

DEAR ABBY: Of course atheists should respect others' beliefs -- and their rituals. But believers should also respect atheists' right to reject those beliefs and their rituals. Respect goes both ways. Mutual respect is shown when atheists act as silent observers while believers go about their business, and believers resist shaming atheists for refusing to mimic them. -- NORMAN IN UPPER MONTCLAIR, N.J.

DEAR NORMAN: Shaming others who refuse to mimic them? That's not proselytizing -- that's bullying.

DEAR ABBY: You must not have consulted your religious experts when you advised the atheist to bow his head and say "amen" after his dinner companions finish saying grace. You advised the person to be a hypocrite. -- KIMBERLY IN KEARNEY, MO.

DEAR KIMBERLY: If my mail is any indication, it can also mean "I'm glad it's over." I am Jewish, and I was describing what I do when grace is invoked.

By the way, did you know that Jewish people do not say grace before a meal? We say a blessing thanking God for bread. A full grace is not said until after the meal, to be sure we have had a meal to eat, and know exactly what we are thanking God for.

DEAR ABBY: What advice have you when the situation is reversed? Several times we have invited guests to our home for dinner, and when it became apparent that we do not observe this ritual, they have said some variation of "Shall we offer thanks?" It's usually a rhetorical question.

We are torn between wanting to be gracious hosts and being offended that people of faith are attempting to bully us with their religion. One couple not only wanted to say grace in our home, they demanded that everyone stand while they intoned a prayer of thanks to whomever it is they worship.

Is there a tactful way to let guests know the hosts do not appreciate the imposition of their religion? -- NON-BELIEVERS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NON-BELIEVERS: Certainly. Just say to your guest, "Thank you for offering, but that won't be necessary."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My neighbors, whom I don't know well, are flying an American flag that is literally in shreds. You can no longer tell that it has red stripes because it is all a faded pink color. This upsets me greatly because I feel it is disrespectful to our country and inconsiderate to veterans.

Is there anyone I could contact about this to see that it is taken care of? -- PEEVED PATRIOT IN MARYLAND

DEAR PEEVED PATRIOT: Yes, your neighbor. According to the American Legion Flag Etiquette brochure, when a flag is damaged or faded it should be retired and replaced. According to the brochure, "When a flag has served its useful purpose it should be destroyed -- preferably by burning." Many American Legion posts conduct Disposal of Unserviceable Flag ceremonies every year, a dignified and solemn way of disposing of flags that are too worn to be displayed. Some local Boy Scout troops also provide this service as part of their training.

Before approaching your neighbor, contact your local branch of the American Legion -- or visit the Web site www.legion.org -- for more useful information about proper display of, and respect for, the American flag.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman on the brink. I have toyed with the idea of becoming a nun for the last few years because of my horrible luck with love and men. I have never had a significant other. I was sexually abused as a small child, was never allowed to date in high school, and was too intimidated and busy in college to date. I always thought that having a boyfriend was a rite of passage that I was somehow excluded from because I'm not good enough.

I waited until a year after college graduation to lose my virginity, feeling very superior because I had waited until adulthood. Well, I made one mistake, contracted an STD, and now I feel dirty and stupid. I had unprotected sex with a stranger just once, and now my life feels like it's going down the drain in a fast, hard spiral.

I feel my only hope would be to move into a convent and pursue becoming a nun. Abby, please help me. I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. -- LOST AND HOPELESS IN LEXINGTON

DEAR LOST AND HOPELESS: Feeling dirty, stupid, sick and tired are not indications of a religious calling. However, they can be classic signs of depression. Far be it from me to discourage you from entering a convent if you wish; however, you would be doing yourself and the church a huge favor to resolve some of your personal issues before you do. The stronger you are, the more you will have to offer the religious community, and it appears you have some healing to do.

Your first step should be to talk to your doctor about what you have told me. With counseling and medication you will start to feel better about yourself and resolve the issues that have brought you to this point. Only then should you decide where to direct your future.

CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy 87th birthday, Mama! You're still my role model, and as beautiful as ever.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)