DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Pete," and I have been happily married for four years. We get along beautifully, have a wonderful physical relationship, share many interests and truly enjoy being together. However, we do not share a bedroom.

In the beginning, we tried to share a room, but I never got any sleep and was extremely crabby and exhausted all the time. We finally realized we just don't sleep well together. When I'm sleeping, I like it freezing cold; he likes it warm. He sleeps with the TV on; I must have complete silence and total darkness. I need nine hours of sleep to feel rested; he's a night owl who gets by on four to five hours. I have tried sleep masks and ear plugs without success.

We do share a bed when we travel, but when I have to get up for work in the morning, I'd better sleep alone. We are both perfectly fine with this arrangement. The problem is, our families insist that a married couple should share a bedroom, no matter what. How can we get our families to leave us alone? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: While the majority of my readers would agree that there is a special kind of closeness and intimacy that comes from sharing a bed or bedroom, there's no law that demands couples have to do it. When spouses' sleep habits are as disparate as yours are, it should be to both people's benefit to sleep separately, and your families should respect your choice and stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: You recently published a letter from a librarian complaining about library conduct. You think SHE has stress? I work for an answering service, and we get screamed at, hung up on and verbally abused multiple times per hour!

Some businesses use us to screen their calls. The people they refuse to call back threaten to sue us! We had to call the police once because a nutty client was coming to the building to "get the operator" he thought made him lose business because the caller lied about having left a message with us. People take their last pill in the morning, neglect to call the doctor's office all day, then scream at us because their doctor has a "no refills after office hours" policy. Then, there are the doctors who get mad when we page them because the pharmacy or the hospital can't read their writing.

Tenants call their apartment after-hours emergency lines and call us names because insect infestations are not considered an emergency by their management, and we must refuse to page the man on call. There are also the people who call us stupid when we ask them to spell the unusual names their mothers made up for them at birth.

Thankfully, there are enough polite callers and wonderful clients and doctors to make my job worth keeping. I try my best to be polite and helpful, but please remind your readers not to take their frustrations out on us. We're just the ones in the middle. -- WORKING GIRL IN OHIO

DEAR WORKING GIRL: It takes a special kind of emotional stamina to keep a cool head, a stiff upper lip and a smile when confronted with people who have forgotten -- or never learned -- their manners. My hat is off to you, and to all of the stalwart individuals working on the front lines of customer relations -- and that includes those in the retail and food service industries.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My name is "Johnny." I am 18 and currently incarcerated. I was locked up last March and won't be out for another five months. I'm facing a terrible problem when I get out and I need your help.

I have a girlfriend, "Brianna," who I love with all my heart and will do anything for. We have been together since I was 14. She has been with me through everything. She's now pregnant with my baby. Her cousin and her best friend are also pregnant. They all know each other is pregnant, but the cousin and friend haven't told Brianna that I'm the father. She has been asking questions, but they tell her they're "not sure." They insist that it's my place to tell her.

My mother secretly pays for each of the girls' doctor visits and everything they need, but she says she can't keep sneaking around doing this.

It's killing me knowing I'll have to hurt my girlfriend. I don't want her to leave me because I love her, and she has both of my cars, my motorcycle and the house I bought. I'm afraid she will destroy them when she finds out. I'm so worried I can't sleep. Please tell me what to do. -- JOHNNY-IN-A-SPOT

DEAR JOHNNY: As I see it, you have three choices: ask to join a witness protection program, beg for an extended sentence -- or start acting like a man and take responsibility for your actions. Count on your girlfriend being upset when you tell her. That's a normal reaction to finding out the person she loved and trusted cheated on her with two other women -- her best friend and her cousin.

While you're talking, suggest that she do nothing rash, because you may have to sell the cars, the motorcycle and the house to live up to your financial obligations to all three of your children.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of three children. I'm having a problem with my 4-year-old child, "Josh," who has an attitude problem.

Josh beats up on his two siblings. When his little sister plays with him, he often hits and kicks her. When she gets up and walks away, he starts screaming her name -- then walks over and hits and kicks her some more. When his big brother comes home from school, Josh starts beating on him, too. He's just a mean kid.

I have tried everything I know to steer him away from this kind of bullying. I have put him in time-out, during which he screams at the top of his lungs and then proceeds to get up and start trying to hit ME. I have spanked him, for which he has also hit me. (He was spanked again.) I have taken away things he likes to play with, his allowance, his TV time, and I have grounded him. None of it seems to work.

I have told his father when he comes home from work, but he doesn't believe me. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated because I've reached the end of my rope. -- MOTHER AT THE END IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOTHER: Because you have done everything you can do to discourage your son's violent behavior, it's time to take him to his pediatrician for a medical evaluation. If everything checks out, ask for a referral to a child psychologist. Do it now, before he's big enough to seriously hurt someone.

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DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was 5, after my father was sent to prison on drug charges. He was released a couple of years ago. When we were little, Mom never talked about him. She never told us what he did that landed him in jail. After his release, my sister and I didn't want to see him.

Eventually, I met a wonderful guy I'll call "Mike." Mike's aunt is a loving woman and we have a warm relationship. Then she met and fell in love with my father.

Now that I have spent time with them, I have heard the whole story. Mom was my father's partner in dealing the drugs. My father didn't implicate her in any of the charges because he wanted her free to raise me and my sisters. I was shocked, because Mom never told us any of this.

My mother refuses to be anywhere near my father, or at any gathering where he is present. Because of this, Mike and I have postponed having a wedding, baptizing our son or giving him a first birthday party. My father doesn't understand why, since he and Mom are both remarried, she can't just move on with her life.

We want our son to enjoy both of his grandparents. I have considered holding these events and inviting both of them, and letting them know I want both of them to be part of my life. Please tell me what to do. -- IN THE MIDDLE IN INDIANA

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: The first thing you should do is have a talk with your mother and tell her exactly what your father told you. She may not want to be around him because she doesn't want to face her past, or he may have abused her -- but give her a chance to explain.

You should not put your life on hold trying to please your parents. You are all adults now. So have your wedding, baptize your son and celebrate his special events. If they can't be in the same room together, then invite them to alternate events.

DEAR ABBY: I am about to be divorced from an alcoholic. At the time I filed, he said he would get his own place and move the furniture he wanted out of my home. (Some of it is hand-me-downs from his family.)

Now that things are in the final stages, he still hasn't saved any money and shows no sign of getting a place of his own. He's staying with friends and has very limited space.

According to the divorce agreement, we have settled all property disputes, and whatever each has in his or her possession belongs to him or her. I have a lot of his possessions -- mostly furniture.

I don't want or need this stuff. He still says he wants some of it and expects me to hold it indefinitely. I am ready to move on with my life, and can't do it in a house filled with all of his belongings. I have tried to be nice and have been repaid with alcoholic rampages. What should I do about his belongings? -- TRYING TO MOVE ON IN FLORIDA

DEAR TRYING TO MOVE ON: Discuss this with your lawyer. Have your lawyer contact his lawyer, and give him a date after which the furniture must be out of your house. Make it plain that if it isn't out, it will either be donated to charity or put in storage under his name and at his expense.

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