DEAR ABBY: I have been married about 16 years, but there is something I can't handle anymore. My husband, "Karl," drinks every day. He insists he doesn't have a problem, but I think his problem is severe.

I have spoken to Karl's parents about it. His father lives with us, so I have spoken to him more than I have to my mother-in-law. His father says we should help him. However, every time there's an episode where Karl gets violent, calls me names and says I'm good for nothing because I don't hold a job, his father says things like, "Karl works hard. He has the right to have a few beers if he wants to."

How can I help my husband stop drinking? -- KARL'S WIFE IN STATEN ISLAND

DEAR WIFE: You can't "help" your husband stop drinking. However, you can help yourself by recognizing that his outbursts have nothing to do with you. Karl's father should be ashamed of himself. By making excuses for his son and turning a blind eye to his abusive outbursts, he has become his son's enabler.

There is an organization for people in your situation. It's called Al-Anon, and it has been mentioned in this column many times. Al-Anon is a 12-step fellowship of people whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or friend. To locate a chapter near you, call (888) 425-2666, or visit their Web site: www.al-anon.alateen.org. Please do it soon, because when you do, you will be welcomed by people who understand what you have been experiencing and who want to help.

P.S. Another way to help yourself would be to find a job. I predict that the less financially dependent you become, the better you will feel about yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old woman, married 4 1/2 years, and the mother of a 3-year-old son. My husband and I have been having problems recently, and he has become very controlling. We separated once for three weeks, but I was miserable so I went back to him. I guess I'd rather suffer by his side than suffer alone.

My sister is being married next month in a city that's 2,000 miles away, and my husband is refusing to go. My whole family will be there, and I haven't seen them in six years. My husband says if I want to go I should take our son, and while I'm gone he will do "whatever he wants."

I would like to celebrate this special occasion with my husband, not only so I can see my family, but also so they can finally meet him. I don't want to go alone. Should I skip the wedding? -- SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE

DEAR SPLIT: Take your son and go to the wedding so your family can meet your little boy. Who knows when your entire family will be assembled again? Because no one has a contract with God, it could be the last time you see some of them.

Please don't let your husband's implied threat dissuade you. Remember, he can "do whatever he wants" while you're in town as easily as he can while you're away. So go and have a good time. And when you get back, make it a point to get marriage counseling.

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DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old son fell asleep at the wheel of his car this morning on his way to work. He was driving on the expressway, and his car traveled about 80 feet into a wide median, narrowly missing several large obstacles. He's lucky to be alive; his car was totaled.

My son fell asleep because he was tired. We knew he had been making and receiving a lot of late-night phone calls. This morning, after the car was towed, we went over his cell phone records for the past month and learned that he hasn't gone more than three hours without receiving a call! That's a full month without a good night's sleep.

We have contacted other parents. They are discovering the same thing. Because evenings and weekends are free on many cell phone plans, the kids take full advantage. So they call, and call, and call.

A sleep-deprived driver is as dangerous as a driver who's talking on a cell phone, probably even more so. Parents: Teach your kids to skip the late-night phone calls so they can survive their next drive. -- EYES WIDE OPEN IN N.Y.

DEAR EYES WIDE OPEN: I hope parents and teens will pay attention to your letter. Evening and weekend minutes may have been free on your son's calling plan, but because he didn't use them sensibly, they could have cost him his life.

While young people today have become adept at multi-tasking, one fact remains constant: People need a certain amount of sleep in order for their minds and bodies to function properly. Lack of sleep can adversely affect a person's physical and mental health. Sleep deprivation adversely affects not only our reflexes, but also our mental health and our immune systems. This is something we can control. When staying "connected" becomes an addiction, it's time to pull the plug.

DEAR ABBY: My mom is out with her boss, "Larry." She always leaves me home alone to go out with him. I don't think his wife goes with them. Once my mom forgot I only had a half-day of school, and when I came home she was with him in her room. I went to the neighbors so she wouldn't know I had heard them. That night she left me alone again to be with him.

I can't sleep when I'm home alone, and I don't even like taking showers when no one is here. I am scared to be alone. -- LATCHKEY KID, SEATTLE

DEAR LATCHKEY KID: Your letter saddened me when I read it. You should not be left alone as frequently as it appears you are. Have you a relationship with your father, an aunt or uncle, or your grandparents? If the answer is yes, please tell them what you have confided to me and ask if you can stay with one of them sometimes. If you have no family nearby, talk to the mothers of some of your friends and ask if you can spend time at their house when your mother is "otherwise occupied." It's not the same as having her to watch over you, but it would be better than what you've got now. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My question is simple: What causes jealousy? -- ROBERT IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ROBERT: The answer is simple: It's insecurity.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single man in my mid-40s. My parents are gone, but seven of my 10 siblings are still alive.

When I was 12, my appendix burst and I became deathly ill. The hospital visits took their toll on my dad, who suffered a major heart attack two weeks after I was released. Two weeks after that, my father had another massive heart attack that ended his life.

I felt extremely guilty. I thought I had killed my dad, so I turned to our parish priest for help. Instead, he chose to molest me. He said I had made him do it, and I walked out of church feeling I was to blame -- that I was evil.

From then on I trusted no one. I kept people at a distance. I have never had a close personal relationship or a romance.

I have been seeing a wonderful counselor for seven years. She has helped me a lot, but I have resigned myself to being alone the rest of my life.

Abby, my siblings hate me -- I'm not sure why. They have birthday parties, graduation parties, backyard barbecues and many family-oriented gatherings to which I am never invited. We live in the same small town, so it's not a matter of location. They go camping as a family in the summer, and it's always kept a secret from me. When I ask why I wasn't invited to the celebrations, I'm told that "there wasn't enough room." When I ask about the camping trips, I'm told, "We don't go camping as a family; we go as friends, so I'm sure you understand why you're not invited."

I really don't understand. I think they get some kind of kick out of knowing how badly they hurt me. My counselor says I should walk away from them and not look back because what they're doing is deliberate. But how can I walk away from the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally?

I keep hoping one of them will realize how badly I am hurting, have some compassion and extend a loving embrace to me before I completely die on the inside.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- A FAMILY OF ONE IN OHIO

DEAR FAMILY OF ONE: Please listen to your therapist and do as she advises. She has your best interests at heart. You were in no way to blame for your father's death, but on some level you may have been blamed for it by your siblings. Whatever is going on in their shriveled hearts, you cannot fix it. You will not find compassion or empathy where none exists. Your best chance of finding acceptance and love is to stop seeking it from your family, move on, and build a family of your own. Others have done it successfully, and so can you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a horse owner who doesn't mind allowing guests to ride gentle saddle horses. However, some of my guests are so obese that I cannot in good conscience allow them to ride.

Some of my recent guests have weighed more than 300 pounds and think they should be able to ride a small mare. How can I tactfully decline? -- BEFUDDLED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR BEFUDDLED: Weight can be a touchy subject for some people, but you are responsible for the welfare of your animals. Because they can't speak up for themselves, you must. Say it this way, "I'm sorry, but that horse is too small for you, so I can't accommodate you." It's not impolite; it's the truth.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)