DEAR ABBY: I love my mother very much; however, during the past few years she has changed drastically. My siblings and I are at a loss as to what to do.

A few years ago, my parents found a new hobby -- motorcycling. My 50-something parents are now the proud owners of a Harley Davidson, and they're having the time of their lives.

The problem is my mother has changed her physical appearance. She now wears her hair halfway to her waist, permed and bleached a strange shade of yellow. She wears only clothing that says "Harley Davidson" on it. These shirts are designed for girls in their 20s, not women in their 50s. Mom may be happy, but she looks like a classic Motorcycle Mama -- and it's embarrassing.

Should I say something? Should I tell her I want to see her dress like my mother, not some leather biker queen? It has reached the point that I don't invite her places because I'm afraid she'll show up wearing her HD gear. How can I ask her to dress more appropriately?

Please don't mention my name or state. Mom would kill me if she knew I wrote about her. -- EMBARRASSED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Look at the bright side. You are blessed with parents who are active and in good health. Many families are not so lucky.

That said, because your siblings are in agreement, approach your mother as a group and have a "mini-intervention." Tell her you love her and you're happy she and your father are enjoying themselves, but when you invite her places with you, you wish she'd dress more conservatively. You're entitled to your feelings -- and your preferences.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man I'll call "Zack" for nearly a year. Zack is smart, funny, attractive, well-educated, and has a well-paying job that could provide us with a very good lifestyle if our relationship becomes permanent.

Several months ago, after a few drinks, Zack confided in me that he had always fantasized about me spanking him. Having had a few myself, I decided to make his fantasy come true. Afterward, we had the most amazing night.

I have indulged Zack once a week ever since, and I'm a little ashamed to admit this, but I rather enjoy it. It gives me a feeling of power.

Should I continue in this relationship? I don't think I'm being abusive because Zack has requested the spankings. We are both in our late 20s. He was never spanked as a child and seems to have a wonderful relationship with his folks. -- QUESTIONING IN CANADA

DEAR QUESTIONING: Because you both enjoy it, I see no reason not to continue the relationship. Whatever happens between consenting adults in the privacy of their bedroom, as long as it hurts neither one, is no one else's business, including mine.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently at a party where I felt very uncomfortable. The guests were all speaking fluent Spanish and I could barely understand a word they were saying. The party was hosted by a close friend and was being held for a mutual acquaintance. How could I leave the party without ruffling anyone's feathers? -- UNEASY IN RANCHO SANTA FE

DEAR UNEASY: It's easy! Just smile and say, "Gracias y adios."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son "Vince's" mother-in-law, "Dotty," has never had a driver's license because she never learned how to parallel park. She only has a learner's permit.

After Vince married her daughter, "Lynn," Dotty was stopped by the police for a traffic violation. She gave them her daughter's name and address and told them she had "forgotten her wallet." The point went on Lynn's record and her car insurance shot up $150.

During the latest incident, someone hit Dotty's car in a parking lot. Dotty again pretended she was Lynn. The police were summoned and demanded Dotty's driver's license. When she handed them her learner's permit, her car was hauled away and now she has to appear in court for driving without a license with no licensed driver in the car.

When Vince was contacted by the insurance company, he told them the whole story. Dotty thought Lynn would just forget the incident and she'd be home free. She still drives her car every day.

To get even with Vince for ratting her out, Dotty refused to give my grandson his medicine while she baby-sat him. How should my daughter-in-law deal with this nasty woman? -- OUTRAGED IN ELMIRA, N.Y.

DEAR OUTRAGED: Now that your son and his wife know her mother won't hesitate to take out her anger on the child, they should not allow her to be around him again unless both of them are supervised.

DEAR ABBY: Our loving, compassionate daughter was stricken with a mental illness in her sophomore year of college. My husband and I have experienced much pain -- but not nearly as much as our daughter has. She is much improved due to medication and her incredible bravery, but she is never free from the delusions and hallucinations. It is such a cruel disease because the thoughts and senses you have come to trust in your first 20 years of life suddenly play tricks on you.

While it is no longer politically correct to joke about gender, race, sexual orientation and intelligence, we still encounter people regularly who refer to someone in conversation as "crazy," "certifiable," "retarded" or "schizo." This happens even with people who know what we've been through.

I don't want to be rude, but I want people to know that mental problems are no laughing matter. How should I respond to this? -- HURT AND OFFENDED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT AND OFFENDED: Just say, "I know you don't mean to be hurtful, but because our daughter is battling a mental illness, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use those terms. Thank you."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old woman. I have just heard that a former boyfriend I haven't seen in more than five years committed suicide by overdosing on OxyContin. He would have been 30 this year.

His parents blame me for "making him crazy," so I have been told not to attend his memorial service or send condolences. How can I properly pay respects to my old friend? -- READY TO GRIEVE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR READY TO GRIEVE: Memorials are to comfort the survivors. Because your presence would be painful for your friend's parents, you should not attend. If you wish to pay respects and say goodbye, visit the cemetery at a later date and do it privately.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 44-year-old brother-in-law, "Bryce," still lives at home. He has never dated, nor has he had any kind of adult relationship in his life. He is extremely affectionate toward children, especially males. He buys gifts for the neighborhood kids, and they all think the world of him. My in-laws say Bryce is just a big kid and harmless. I think his behavior is abnormal.

Last week, I came home early from work. When I came through the door, I surprised Bryce saying goodbye to my 10-year-old son. Bryce was rubbing his hands up and down my son's arms and saying, "Goodbye, sweetheart. I love you." When he saw me, Bryce immediately stopped. He seemed caught off guard and embarrassed, and left quickly.

My husband was in another part of the house and didn't see or hear his brother and our son by the back door. I expressed my concern to my husband later, after our son had gone to bed. I told him I was uncomfortable about the idea of his brother being alone with our son. My husband dismissed the whole thing, saying Bryce is harmless. My gut tells me otherwise. What should I do? -- WORRIED MOM IN NEW YORK

DEAR WORRIED: Listen to your gut and talk to your child about what is appropriate behavior -- and "touch" -- and what isn't. Sometimes children who have been molested keep it a secret because they feel they are responsible for it and are afraid they'll be punished.

Tell your son that no matter what, he can always come to you and tell you anything because you love him and you're on his side. Let him know that if he has any questions about anything, you will make the time to hear them and answer them honestly. Repeat that message often. It's one way to protect your child, and will reap many dividends.

DEAR ABBY: I have known a certain 14-year-old girl, "Haley," since she was 7. I help take care of her now and then because her mother is a drug addict and is rarely around. Haley lives at her friend's house, and she is starting to become sexually active. She goes very far, but hasn't gone all the way yet.

Would it be wrong of me to take Haley to a birth control clinic and have the counselors speak with her and get her on birth control? The woman she lives with doesn't seem to care what the girl does and figures she shouldn't have to because it isn't her kid. This young lady needs to be steered in the right direction and I want to help. -- WORRIED IN BRIDGEVIEW, ILL.

DEAR WORRIED: You are caring and intelligent. With no adult supervision, your young friend is on a collision course with disaster. You are in a position to prevent it from happening. By all means take her to a clinic where she can not only get birth control, but also learn how to prevent a sexually transmitted disease that could damage her health and/or fertility. It would be a tremendous kindness.

DEAR ABBY: I have six sisters. We all share the same mother, but only one sister has the same father as I do. This is my only "real" sister, right? The others are my stepsisters, right? Please answer this. -- NEEDS TO KNOW, ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: The sister who shares the same father with you is your full-blooded sister. The other five are your half-sisters. Stepsisters are related by marriage only.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)