DEAR ABBY: I am responding to the letter from "Sleepy in New York," whose dinner guests often stay well past their bedtime.

My late father used to tell a story that always made us laugh, and it ends with a line that "Sleepy" could use.

He had an aunt and uncle who lived in the Deep South and who had a similar problem with guests overstaying their welcome after dinner. If their guests hadn't left by the time they normally went to bed, his uncle would say to his aunt, "Well, Harriet, it's time to go to bed so these good folks can go home!" According to Dad, this line never failed to do the trick. -- CAROLYN IN ALLENTOWN, PA.

DEAR CAROLYN: I love the line. It's far more "couth" than "It's time you people hit the road so we can hit the sheets." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I had to respond to "Sleepy in New York." My father is also an early-to-bedder, and whenever we had company that stayed a little late, Dad would slip into his bedroom and put on his pajamas and robe. Then he'd return to the living room, winding his alarm clock.

Everyone always laughed and took the hint. -- LISA IN PIKEVILLE, TENN.

DEAR LISA: Your father should have been a performance artist. All he needed was a tape recording of "Goodnight, Sweetheart" playing in the background.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Sleepy," the early-riser who could not seem to get dinner guests to go home, brought back a funny memory.

Many years ago, after a dinner party, we had adjourned to the living room for coffee and continued conversation. It was approaching midnight and we were starting to nod off, wondering how we could politely "nudge" our guests out the door.

Suddenly, the mantel clock struck 12 and the living room lights, which we always kept on a timer and had forgotten to reset for the party, went off. Plunged into almost total darkness, our embarrassed guests leaped to their feet and said, "Oh, goodness, we had no idea it was so late!" We all laughed as we fumbled our way toward the well-lighted front hall and exchanged goodbyes.

The clock still strikes the hour. We have never bothered to turn the automatic timer off. -- SAVED BY THE BELL IN VA.

DEAR SAVED BY THE BELL: Nor should you turn it off. It's good insurance.

In a more serious vein, sometimes guests are afraid to leave a dinner party for fear of appearing rude to their hosts. One way to avoid the problem would be for the hosts, when extending the invitation, to say, "I'm giving a dinner party next Saturday between 7 and 10 p.m. Cocktails will start at 7 -- dinner will be served at 8." That way everyone will be clear about the time frame.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend exposed her breasts in front of a group of guys at a barbecue. I was very hurt by it and no longer have any respect for her. I can't forgive her for it, and I have broken off the relationship. She thinks I am wrong for feeling this way. What do you think? -- UNFORGIVING IN LOVELAND, COLO.

DEAR UNFORGIVING: Your feelings are your feelings, and you are entitled to them. The girl showed poor judgment. My immediate reaction is she must have been drunk when she did it. If that's not the case, she may be insecure and was making a bid for attention. Because you say you no longer respect her, I'd say it's time to find another girl who doesn't flash her headlights.

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DEAR ABBY: I work for a law enforcement agency. Several months ago, my 23-year-old nephew (I'll call him Dion) moved in with me and my mother. Dion is not an orphan. Both his parents are living.

Last month, I discovered that Dion has been smoking marijuana, and selling it, too. When I confronted him, his response was, "Marijuana is better than alcohol." I pointed out to him that alcohol is legal and marijuana isn't, and I don't want it in my house. I could lose my job over this, but he and Mom just don't seem to "get it."

After trying to help my nephew by searching for jobs and helping him with financial aid for school, I realized that I was doing the majority of the legwork while he was lying in bed all day and watching TV.

I have told Dion he must be out by the middle of next month, but my mother isn't backing me up on this. (She's an enabler, and I think I am, too.) I told Mom that either he goes or I do. Is she right? Am I being unreasonable? -- AUNT AT THE END OF MY ROPE IN PASADENA

DEAR AUNT: You're not being unreasonable; you're being pragmatic and rational. Has it occurred to you that your nephew might not just be lying in bed all day watching TV, but also stoned out of his gourd? Stick to your guns. Your career could depend on it.

If it is discovered that he has been dealing an illegal substance from your premises, you could lose not only your credibility, but also your livelihood. If he has been smoking grass in your house, it's likely the scent is on your clothing. Let's pray you get this felon-in-training out of there before a member of the canine unit starts wagging his tail in front of you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Matt" for about a year. We have had a great relationship, and I really adore him. Not long ago, I had some severe financial setbacks, so we decided to move in together to help me with the expenses.

Although Matt is good to me, he hasn't told me that he loves me. I don't know if this is bothering me so much because I'm used to praise, or if, after one year, this phrase should have been spoken. We share things that people who love each other do, and I kind of feel cheated –- like the relationship is somehow incomplete.

I talked to my girlfriends. They agree that if we live together and he essentially takes care of me, he should have told me by now. When I ask him about us and how he feels, he says, "I care a lot about you," and "You mean a lot to me." But when I asked why he hasn't said "I love you," he told me he doesn't feel that way yet -– to give him time. He said "I love you" means a lot to him, and he isn't just going to throw it out there to make me feel good.

The other night I was talking to him and blurted out, "I love you." He said, "Oh, baby," and acted like I hadn't said a word. It left me feeling a terrible void. Am I being unfair to this relationship and myself? -- LOVELESS IN WYOMING

DEAR LOVELESS: You are feeling a terrible void because there is one. You are not living with Matt because he wants to take your relationship to the next level; you are living with him because you had financial setbacks and he took you in. That's charity, not love.

If you want to move this relationship forward, you may have to take a giant step backward –- specifically, save some money and move out. You will never get him to love you by pressuring him, but you might if you create a void that he thinks only you can fill.

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DEAR ABBY: I read your column regularly, and I am sometimes saddened by how much heartache people bring on themselves. Too often, it's the children who bear the brunt of their parents' selfishness and poor choices.

"Second Thoughts in New York" asked if she should move in with her boyfriend who has made it clear he doesn't want children, because he has bought a house he can't afford on his own. I beg her to listen to her better judgment. She will never be happy with a man who doesn't want children. Children need nurturing, and certainly our patience. Some men can't handle that. They will either leave or preoccupy themselves with their own endeavors.

I see these children in my neighborhood every day. A precious 4-year-old whose mother visits the man next door wistfully said to me, "My dad lives a long ways away." He knows this man is not his dad. Or the lonely 7-year-old I see sitting dejectedly on his front steps with his head in his hands. His mother works, spends her weekends with her boyfriend, and pays little attention to him. These children are cared for physically, but there's a big hole in their hearts because they long to be loved.

We are raising a generation of lost and confused children. Psychologists have concluded that children who grow up without love do not learn empathy. They cannot feel the pain others are experiencing. These are the teens who lash out in rage and go on shooting sprees and feel no remorse.

My advice to "Second Thoughts" is to seriously do just that –- give it some serious second thoughts. She should build her future on choices that will bring happiness to her and her future children, not regrets. -- GRANDMA IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GRANDMA: I agree with you that the greatest gift a child can have is two parents who are willing to put their child's needs at least on a par with their own.

DEAR ABBY: "Second Thoughts" wrote that she's 24 and ambivalent about moving with her boyfriend into a house he bought, but cannot afford without her. "We fit each other perfectly," she wrote, "in every respect except one. I want children. He doesn't." Her question was, should she move in under these circumstances?

Well, there are a few more things "Second Thoughts" should consider before packing her bags and moving in. If he can't afford the house without her, will she be expected to contribute toward the mortgage payment and taxes? Will she also work on the house and yard to get them the way they want them? Will she pay for some of the raw materials or the contract work if they don't do it all themselves?

Well, then, when she eventually realizes this guy really DOESN'T want children -- like he's been telling her -– and she finally moves out, who does she think will reap the benefit of the increase in property value because of all of her contributions?

If the boyfriend still can't keep the house by himself and must sell it, will he give her half the profits? If he can afford the place alone by then, will he give her half the increase in value since the time they moved in? Would she like to buy a nice bridge, too, because I have one for sale?

That girl needs the equivalent of a pre-nup and she needs it in writing -– no verbal promises -– and it should be drafted by her attorney! -- JEANETTE G., MILWAUKEE

DEAR JEANETTE: Thank you for the wake-up call. "Second Thoughts" is a young woman with her head in the clouds. Reading your letter will open her eyes and bring her -– and others like her -– back to Earth.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)