DEAR ABBY: Most of your responses I agree with, but the one you gave to "Hurt and Offended," who was with her fiance in a restaurant when a man she works with approached and asked, "What's your bra size?" was somewhat "off." You told her to report it at work.

Abby, it happened in a public place -- not at work. I agree, the question was rude and out of line. (Maybe the guy is a jerk and thought he was being funny.) But it can't be sexual harassment if it happened outside the workplace. Rather than report him, I think she should drop it unless it happens again. -- JAMES S. IN WISCONSIN

DEAR JAMES S.: You didn't read the woman's letter closely enough. In the second paragraph she went on to say, "I have seen these men every day and had work-related discussions with them. Two of them have made reference to the incident, but neither has apologized." By referring to the incident at work, the men HAVE "brought it into the workplace." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt and Offended" has done all that she needed to do. She said she had talked to her co-worker, who is the men's supervisor. As a supervisor myself, even if I'm told something in confidence and asked to take no action, I MUST take action -- even if I don't supervise the offenders. Their actions were intolerable.

The supervisor she spoke to had better learn the law and take appropriate action immediately, or the company could be held responsible. -- MALE SUPERVISOR, SEBASTOPOL, CALIF.

DEAR MALE SUPERVISOR: Thank you for pointing it out. She should also make a point of documenting any further references made by those co-workers.

DEAR ABBY: If "Hurt" allows those co-workers of hers to get away with what they said to her, she can be sure they'll do it again to some other woman. Although the writer feels she would have "nothing to gain" by confronting them, I do not agree. I was raped at 15, and finally -- at age 50 -- I was able to say to the person what I needed to say. I have felt a whole lot better ever since that day.

In my opinion, she should go to her supervisor and tell him or her that she would like to have a meeting with everyone who was involved. She should ask that the supervisor be present. The following issues should be presented:

(1) The question she was asked was rude, and embarrassed both her and her fiance that night.

(2) How would they have felt if she had made a comment concerning their anatomy in public and in such a manner?

(3) If they were in her situation, how would they have felt if their wives, mothers or sisters were treated in the same way?

They need to be told that what was said was not cute or clever, not a joke, and above all, will not be tolerated by her again. In reality it was sexual harassment, and will be handled as such if it recurs.

There are courts of law that take care of such situations. And those clowns need to know that she will go to one if they pull that stunt again. -- FREE AT LAST, AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR FREE AT LAST: I applaud you for having the courage to confront the person who raped you. I hope that "Hurt and Offended" will understand the parallel between your experience and hers, and have the courage to stand up for herself as you did.

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DEAR ABBY: As a practicing physician, a mother, and CEO of the nation's largest health foundation, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, I care deeply about the 45 million Americans who lack health insurance -- especially the 8.4 million uninsured children.

These kids often do not receive needed medical care for sore throats, earaches and asthma. However, many of them are eligible for programs that provide low-cost or free health-care coverage, even if their parents work and earn only modest incomes.

These programs exist in every state and the District of Columbia through Medicaid and the State Children's Health Insurance Program. Eligibility varies by state, but families of four earning up to $38,000 a year or more may qualify. The programs cover doctor visits, hospitalizations, prescriptions and more.

Making sure our children have health-care coverage is an investment in their healthy future as well as our nation's. Thank you, Abby, for helping America's kids by printing this. -- RISA LAVIZZO-MOUREY, M.D., PRESIDENT AND CEO

DEAR DR. LAVIZZO-MOUREY: Thank you for the important heads-up. That a country as rich and powerful as the United States does not have a comprehensive national health program protecting all of our children is a national embarrassment.

Readers, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation sponsors a program nationwide called "Covering Kids and Families," and encourages parents of noninsured children to call (toll-free) 877-543-7669 (877-KIDS-NOW) to find out if your children are eligible. The need is great, so please don't wait to place that call.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married. The problem is that "Todd" and I come from different religions. I'm a Catholic and he is a Baptist.

Todd refuses to even consider being married in a Catholic church and, because he won't, I won't get married in his. I really want a church wedding, and my mother doesn't want me to be married in any other church. (I don't attend church on a regular basis.)

So, what do I do to get my perfect wedding? -- CONFUSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONFUSED: That depends upon what you consider a "perfect wedding." If it involves being married in a Catholic church, you will have to break this engagement and find a nice Catholic boy. If it's marrying Todd, you will probably have to change religions.

Because this is a subject about which neither of you seems willing to compromise, I strongly recommend that the two of you get premarital counseling. It appears there are many important subjects you need to discuss -- including in which religion you plan to raise your children.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I rent a house from her mother. I run a home-based business and use our bedroom as an office. On several occasions I have returned to the house and found my business documents rearranged.

I suspected someone was going through the house in our absence, so I set up my camcorder and left it running one afternoon. When I came home later, I played it back and saw I had caught "on tape" my mother-in-law going through our personal belongings and my private papers.

I'm afraid if we confront her she might evict us. How should we handle this? -- DISAPPOINTED SON-IN-LAW IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Do not confront her. Install a deadbolt lock on your bedroom/office door and keep it locked whenever you're away from the house. And as soon as you can save enough to rent or buy another place, get the heck out of there.

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DEAR ABBY: I recently received a modest inheritance. My husband and I are about 10 years from retiring. The money is just enough to put away for a secure retirement, not enough for a lavish lifestyle.

The problem is my mother-in-law, "Vera." She is 70, healthy and active. She manages very well in her paid-for home. Vera has now begun looking at assisted-living communities that, for a hefty monthly rent, provide chef-prepared meals in a dining room, activities and transportation. She's assuming that my husband and I will pay this rent, since we are now "wealthy" in her estimation.

Abby, if we take on this responsibility, the money will be spent by the time we retire, and Vera will still need to pay her rent. I never discussed this inheritance with my mother-in-law. It came from my side of the family and is really not her business. We didn't brag or start making showy purchases.

My husband feels as I do about putting it aside for retirement, but we're both stumped about how to handle his mom. Have you any suggestions? -- "THE HEIRESS" IN UPSTATE N.Y.

DEAR "HEIRESS": Before your mother-in-law's fantasy about dwelling on easy street becomes any more grandiose, you and her son must schedule a reality session with her. If she's planning on upgrading her lifestyle from what it is now, she should first consult her CPA or financial planner to make sure her assets will cover the cost. It may be a rude awakening for the lady, but better now than later.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a real bind. I have an employee who decides on her own hours even when a schedule is posted every month. Some days, she doesn't show up for work at all, and other times she leaves before her shift is over.

When I confront her about it, she gets angry and threatens me with, "I'm going to phone Labor Standards on you!" Can she be fired for this kind of behavior? -- IGNORED IN CANADA

DEAR IGNORED: Here in the United States, it is recommended that the matter be handled by calling the employee in, reminding her of the posted work schedule, and "counseling" her that she must be at work during work hours. Afterward, a memo -- signed or initialed by the employee -- would be placed in her employee file. If this doesn't remedy the situation and the woman is still noncompliant, there would be grounds for dismissal, and the Labor Board would probably agree the dismissal was justified.

Because I am not familiar with the law in Canada, I urge you to discuss the matter with someone familiar with labor law there.

DEAR ABBY: When we're together, my middle-aged daughter insists on talking about her mother, from whom I've been divorced for many years. Our daughter always mentions her in a caring way, as if it really mattered to me what's going on in my ex-wife's life. I should point out that the divorce was a bitter one for all parties.

My daughter isn't happy that I don't show an interest in her mother. I have tried to explain why I feel the way I do, but she keeps saying, "She IS my mother!" What's your take on this, please? -- PERPLEXED IN CACTUS COUNTRY

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your daughter is either insensitive to your feelings, or she's trying to drum up some interest on your part regarding her mother. The next time she tells you, "She IS my mother," tell her, "Well, she's no longer my wife -- so please stop inflicting her on me" and change the subject.

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