DEAR ABBY: In response to the question of where to place one's handbag in a restaurant, you replied: "If you're carrying a small, dressy evening bag, place it on the table. However, if you're carrying a large handbag, put it on the floor next to your chair or beneath the table so the server won't trip on it."

I keep my smaller purses between my body and/or trusted companion or the wall, and I place larger bags on the floor, making sure my foot is in contact with it at all times. (Usually between my feet.)

I was in a service business for many years, and customers would confide the most outrageous details of their personal lives. Once, a young woman told me she visited large churches when it rained because she could use her umbrella to reach under pews and hook purses. Then she'd slip out before the final prayer.

Women need visual contact with their purses at all times. -- OLDER AND WISER, SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR WISER: It's sad to think that not even a house of God is safe from purse snatching. I received a lot of mail about that letter. Not everyone agreed with my answer to that question, nor do they agree with each other. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Sadly, there are purse snatchers in restaurants, food courts, picnic areas, etc. I have seen women sling their open bag over the back of a chair and -- swoosh goes the handbag or wallet.

Other than an evening clutch on the table, I place my handbag either underneath the table, between my feet where I can feel it at all times, or sling the strap over my knee and let the bag hang or rest on the floor. It may not be the most comfortable option, but I still have my bag when I'm ready to pay my tab. -- VANESSA R., CHICAGO

DEAR ABBY: Placing a purse on the table inconveniences the person sitting next to you. If you're at a table for two with no one beside you, it's still a bad idea. Even in upscale restaurants, the purse can be stolen.

You suggested putting the bag on the floor. Floors in public places are filthy! Large handbags should be left at home, but if you have no choice, it should be balanced on your lap, close to your knees. (This can be accomplished by keeping your feet flat on the floor or crossing them at the ankles.) -- V.A.R., JONESBOROUGH, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: Any purse placed under or next to a chair is vulnerable to theft. If a woman puts it on the floor, she should put the strap around the leg of her chair, so if someone tries to take it, the strap will be caught on the leg. Better yet, when she arrives at the restaurant, she should take out her billfold and lock the purse in the trunk of her car. -- DAVID F., KANSAS CITY, MO.

DEAR ABBY: A portion of your answer to that question was correct. Abby, in restaurants in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, a chair is always provided to hold a large purse. Only "ladies of the evening" put their purses on the floor.

Granted, not everyone is going to be going to Rio to a restaurant, but it is "food for thought" here in the States. -- JAN. R., BEVERLY HILLS, FLA.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jack," and I have been married three years. I'm a feminist and didn't want to change my family name upon getting married. In addition, my husband had his stepfather's name, and the man was physically abusive to him while he was growing up.

Jack agreed to take my last name and legally changed his name a year after we were married. When we mentioned it to his mother before our wedding, she was completely against it and threatened to disown Jack if he took my name. That's when we decided to do it and not disclose it to his family.

Jack still uses his original name, but once we have children (which will be in the next year), he and our children will be using my last name. How, and when, should we tell his family? I feel it might be better to break the news before we actually have kids. -- EAST COAST FEMINIST

DEAR FEMINIST: When you say your husband's mother threatened to "disown" him if he changed his name, I assume she meant in the financial sense. If he is prepared for that, then it makes no difference when he gives his mother the news. Because his stepfather was abusive and his associations with the name are unpleasant, I see no compelling reason for him to carry it on.

However, it will be interesting to see if his mother follows through with her threat, in light of the fact that if she does she'll be cutting herself off from her grandbabies when they arrive. That's a hefty price to pay for trying to make a point, I'd say.

DEAR ABBY: Please don't mention my name or town because this is a small community and people will know it's me. I'm an avid reader, and I trust only you with this.

I'm a 15-year-old sophomore in high school. I have been told I live the "perfect life." I'm popular in school and in the top 10 percent of my class of 300 and get straight A's. I have a cute boyfriend, and my parents are "cool" and let me do things. I've never had sex, done drugs or drunk alcohol.

The problem is I'm not happy. I've been cutting myself for two years. All my dad does is degrade me and tell me everything I do is wrong. We argue constantly. Mom tries to be my best friend instead of a mother, and I can't stand to be around her.

I don't feel anything toward my best friends or my boyfriend. I don't know if I really like him. We have been together on and off for two years. This is the fifth time we've tried to work things out. When I break it off, I get even more depressed and cut myself more. My best friends annoy me, but if I don't hang out with them they'll get concerned and tell my parents about the cutting. My closest friend knows I do it, but she does it too, so she can't rat me out.

Please help me. It's not that I want to commit suicide, but it's like I have forgotten how to be happy. -- SEEING GRAY, FEELING BLUE IN N.Y.

DEAR FEELING BLUE: The feelings you have described can be symptoms of chronic depression, which is an illness. Everybody has days when they feel down and isolated. However, when people begin cutting themselves to take away the pain, it is time to get help from a trained therapist.

Please clip this letter, show it to your parents or a trusted adult -- a relative, a teacher or counselor at school, a clergyperson -- and admit that you wrote it. You need to be evaluated and treated by a doctor because there is help for your problem. Please don't wait to do this, because you have a right to be happy, and it's only a phone call away.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a close friend I'll call "June," who was married to a man named "Jeff" who lied to her. He was an elder in the church for several years and is retired from the military.

It all started when Jeff had a stroke. He told June he needed to set up a bank account for her in case he had another one, but he kept putting it off. So June went on the Internet to research some information to make it happen, and got the shock of her life. She learned that Jeff is still married to his previous wife. She contacted the pastor and they confronted him; Jeff denied everything. (June has since gotten an annulment.)

The house belongs to June, but Jeff refuses to leave. He stalks her. Everywhere she goes, he shows up. He keeps telling her she's going to have him in her life whether she likes it or not. She tries to ignore him, but he constantly approaches and confronts her.

Now the pastor is trying to get them back together. When she says she wants nothing to do with him, the pastor tells him she's being "uncooperative."

June took the legal route. A judge has ordered Jeff to pay off June's student loans, which he hasn't done. He still hasn't moved out of the house, and his boss thinks they're still married. What should she do in this situation? Sell the house? Or get a restraining order? -- CONFUSED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CONFUSED: June should inform her attorney that the bigamist she married is flouting the judge's directive. Then she should do as her lawyer instructs -- including selling the house and taking out a restraining order if that's what her legal counsel advises. And if that doesn't solve her problem, your friend may have to relocate to another community because the man may be dangerous.

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, "Courtney," is 5-foot-1 and weighs 143 pounds. I have been working with her on losing weight. In the meantime, she asked me if she could go into cheerleading. I was skeptical, but was talked into letting her try out.

At the first practice, the coach emphasized that the girls were a "team" and were to all get along. I thought, "Good! Maybe they'll accept her."

We have had only one practice, and two people have come up to me and told me that a lot of the girls on the squad are saying Courtney is too fat to be a cheerleader. This really hurt my feelings. My daughter cries every day because the girls treat her differently. She knows she's overweight, and has been working so hard to lose it that it has become a major issue in our household.

I'm afraid this will scar her and she'll become bulemic over it. Should I pull her out and give in to those so-called thin "perfect" girls who are talking badly about her? Or should we prove that she can do it, too? I have lost sleep over this. -- SLEEPLESS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Girls your daughter's age can be extremely cruel and cliquish. Talk to Courtney's cheerleading coach and tell her what you have learned. Ask her if your daughter is able to perform as well as her teammates. If the answer is yes, she should remain on the team. If she isn't, then help her find another form of exercise she can do while she works on her weight issues. Ballet, gymnastics and martial arts would give her grace, balance, flexibility and confidence, and help her burn calories until she's ready to rejoin the squad.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)