DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with my fiance, "Eric." We plan on being married this fall. The mail arrived a little while ago, and his checking account is still in his ex-wife's name. Eric had promised he would open a new account and close this one when we first got together.

Now he contends that since she is remarried with another name, that there is no such person -- she no longer exists. Wouldn't his ex-wife still be a co-owner of the account since it is a joint account? Obviously, you have to have a Social Security number to open an account, and that doesn't change after marriage.

This has become a giant bone of contention, and it hurts every time I pick up "their mail." Eric says I am being "stupid" and I "don't understand." I say, open up a new account and start over with me. He becomes angry every time I mention it and says it makes him more determined to keep the account!

Frankly, Eric is starting to make me feel like I'm crazy for caring. Am I being unreasonable? Or is the writing on the wall telling me he still enjoys seeing their names together? -- HURT IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR HURT: The checking account is the least of your worries. What the writing on the wall says to me is that your fiance's promises are all smoke and no substance, and your feelings are not important to him. That's a pretty strong message. Please pay attention. It's a taste of what your life will be like if you marry him.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to "Richard," the father of my child, 12 years ago. I was pregnant and having severe mood swings when I left him, and eventually we divorced. We had no further contact until a couple of months ago.

Our son told him some things about the way we now live, and the way my current husband has treated us. Richard was not pleased, to say the least. He offered his second home in another state to us, because he rarely uses it. He also gave me the impression that he still has feelings for me.

Our son, like any child, wants his parents to be back together. I have explained to him that neither his father nor I is even considering it at this point. Would it give him false hope if we were to move into his father's home? -- NEEDS TO GO

DEAR NEEDS TO GO: If the circumstances in which you and your son are now living are so unpleasant that his birth father is offering shelter and you "need to go" -- then go. Your son will cope better with his disappointment that his parents don't remarry than he will with living with an abusive stepparent. My advice to you is to move forward, but take it one step at a time and don't second-guess yourself.

DEAR ABBY: In a few weeks we will celebrate my little girl's second birthday. I'm very excited about being a mom. Because my parents are both deceased, I have been inviting co-workers who have children my daughter's age and a few neighbors.

One of my neighbors, a woman I'll call "Alice," gets depressed sometimes -- and when she does, she drinks way too much. Would it be all right to put on the invitation, "Please, No Alcohol"? Or should I just exclude her from the party? Please do not reveal my name, city or state. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: If you are hosting the birthday party, you should not have to mention alcohol on the invitation. Simply provide nonalcoholic beverages for your guests. However, if you would like "Alice" to attend, and you are afraid she might bring her own bottle, then tell her in advance that you prefer this party to be "dry" -- and that goes for all of the guests.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I got into an interesting discussion today. The topic: What would you do as far as burial is concerned if your spouse passed away and you remarried? Everyone had a different opinion.

I have been married to my husband for 26 years. If something were to happen to him and I remarried, where would I be buried? I would feel as if I were betraying both husbands if I chose one over the other. What is your opinion, and is there a "correct" answer to this? -- AURORA FROM MILWAUKEE

DEAR AURORA: There is no one "correct" answer to that question. What is right for one couple may not be right for another. Some widows (and widowers) remarry with the understanding that he or she will be buried with the first spouse. The logical and primary reason is that this will give the children from the first marriage one place to pay respects to both parents. Also, it's not uncommon for cemetery plots to be purchased years in advance.

However, because you would feel as if you were betraying both of your husbands if you chose to be buried with one over the other, allow me to offer a suggestion: Ask that your remains be cremated and divided equally between both husbands, providing it is all right with whoever survives you.

DEAR ABBY: I married my high school sweetheart, "Brent," at 17 and had a daughter with him. We have been together 5 1/2 years and married almost three years. I moved across country to a military base to accommodate his career.

Our main problem is that we argue a lot because he is never home. Brent is always hanging out with his friend. It's not that I don't trust him; I just want him to spend more time with me and his daughter. Sometimes I think we're not the same people we both fell in love with.

Brent has talked about counseling, but he never follows through. He won't give me a divorce, but he refuses to do anything to help the situation. I am trying to decide if I should pack my bags and leave with my daughter, and return to school and work on my degree. Please help me. I have everything on the line. -- MARRIED BUT ALONE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR ALONE: Rather than packing your bags, check out schools in your area, and start working on your degree right where you are. At least you will have a roof over your head, and it will distract you from your loneliness. Once you have your degree, you will be better able to provide for your daughter should the need arise.

DEAR ABBY: My friend, "Rose," asked me something I'm not sure about -- so I'm turning to you.

An elderly friend of hers was ill, so Rose bought a get-well card and the people at her senior center all signed it. Before she could mail it, the friend passed away, so Rose asked me if it would be OK to send the get-well card along with a sympathy card.

I told her she should have the friends at the senior center just sign the sympathy card and send it. Now I'm having second thoughts. Do you think I said the right thing? -- UNSURE IN CAMPBELL, CALIF.

DEAR UNSURE: Absolutely. It was a little late to send a get-well card.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For the past two summers, my husband and I have traveled out of state to visit my best friend from high school, "Grace," and her live-in boyfriend. Our other girlfriend, "Dina," joins us with her live-in boyfriend.

Dina hasn't been getting along with her boyfriend and seems to have emotionally latched on to my husband. (We've been married two years.) During the last visit, Dina wouldn't drink a glass of wine unless she shared my husband's glass. She laughed at everything he said, complimented his looks, took photos of him nonstop, and fawned all over him. My husband is flirtatious with all my friends and, although he didn't do anything inappropriate during the weekend, I felt threatened and told him so.

I feel Dina's actions were disloyal and disrespectful of our 30-year friendship. For sure, I don't want to do the couple thing again next summer. Is this a friend I should keep? -- FURIOUS IN ROSWELL, GA.

DEAR FURIOUS: You may have known Dina for 30 years, but a friend like this you need like poison ivy. After the performance she put on, it's no wonder she's having trouble with her boyfriend. Although it's possible she may have been trying to make him jealous, I wouldn't blame you if you and Grace decided to limit your visits to a foursome from now on.

DEAR ABBY: My close friend of 20 years, "Martha," recently obtained her real estate license. She went to work for an agency out in the suburbs about an hour from my home.

When I decided to sell my house, I listed it with a large agency that specializes in my neighborhood, with an agent I have also known for 20 years who happens to live a few blocks away. When Martha heard about it, she went ballistic because I didn't list with her. She said it was a slap in her face.

I tried to explain that listing my home with an agency out of the area that doesn't "work" this neighborhood or advertise in the local newspaper made no sense. Now I have lost a friend.

Was I wrong to list with the best agency -- which, by the way, sold my home in 10 days? Or should I have listed with Martha on the chance that the right buyer might happen to find my home for sale? -- MISERABLE IN HOUSTON

DEAR MISERABLE: You made a business decision that turned out to be the right one for you for a couple of reasons. Not only did you sell your home quickly, but you also found out that your "friend" was more interested in a commission for herself than what was good for you. Please don't be miserable. I'd say you're a very fortunate woman.

DEAR ABBY: I am a special education teacher. I see on a daily basis what happens when pregnant women abuse drugs or alcohol. Fetal alcohol syndrome can have devastating effects on unborn babies, and the victims are the children.

What is an appropriate thing to say to a visibly pregnant woman who is seen smoking or drinking? I don't want to sound hostile or unnecessarily offend anyone, but I feel that saying something to the mother would be in the best interests of the child. -- CONCERNED TEACHER, COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS

DEAR TEACHER: An appropriate thing to say to the mother-to-be would be: "I am a special education teacher. I see every day what happens when pregnant women abuse drugs or alcohol during their pregnancies. Their babies are born addicted, or underweight, and brain-damaged -- and the damage can last their entire lifetime. You may not be aware of it -- but I am sure your obstetrician can give you more information on this subject."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)