DEAR ABBY: When my beloved Mama died early this year, she left behind hundreds -- if not thousands -- of dollars worth of various medicines.

My sister and I called every hospital, shelter, clinic and aid agency we could think of, but not one could give medicine to people unless it had come directly from a pharmacy. Finally, someone suggested that we call our veterinarian.

Voila! It turned out that many of the gauzes, tapes, antibiotic and antihistamine creams, pain patches, pills, inhalers, glucose regulators, collection pans, gloves and other miscellaneous items could be used on animals!

Mama would be so pleased to know that we found a good use for her old meds. -- IN MEMORY OF MAMA

DEAR "MEMORY": I loved your idea, so I ran it by the California Veterinary Medical Board, which also thought it was terrific. They explained that certain medical supplies such as gauze tape, collection pans and gloves are welcome donations.

However, numerous state and federal laws prohibit the transfer of prescription or controlled drugs. So antibiotics, antihistamine creams, pain patches, pills and inhalers must be disposed of in compliance with whatever laws and regulations are in place in each state, because they can vary.

DEAR ABBY: When I go out to dinner with men, they usually pick up the check. On occasion, I will insist on reciprocating by buying their meal.

When I go to lunch or dinner with girlfriends, I typically like to pay. I am by no means wealthy, but I'm not struggling with finances either. My problem is one girlfriend in particular who insists on splitting the check. I have always thought that was tacky.

I know the obvious solution would be to let her pay every other time, but she isn't in a position to treat at some of the restaurants we go to. Am I being overbearing? Or is my girlfriend too old-fashioned? (I'm 24 and she's 62.) -- PICKING UP THE CHECK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PICKING: Splitting the check isn't tacky; it's common practice. Sometimes the "burden of gratitude" can grow heavy, so instead of arm-wrestling your friend, eat at a less-expensive restaurant, let her pull her own weight, keep her dignity and pay her half of the bill.

DEAR ABBY: My live-in boyfriend "Gary's" attitude did a complete "180" after we moved in together. He went from being nice and wanting to go out and do things, to spending all the free time he had watching television. He is also not nice to my 7-year-old son.

Because the boy lives here, I have given Gary one year to change his act. Is that too long? I'm not sure I want to continue this relationship, but I can't afford to live on my own. -- DOING POORLY IN PROSPERITY, PA.

DEAR DOING POORLY: Yes, a year is too long. By then, your son may have emotional issues that will cost a fortune to fix. Tell Gary you expect an immediate attitude change or the relationship is over. As to how you will afford to live on your own -- think back to what you were doing before you met him. You got along without him before you met him, and you're going to get along without him now.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My sons are on a football team with a group of young men I love dearly. They spend quite a bit of time at our house, and this has become almost like a second home to a lot of them.

My problem is I am married for the second time to a wonderful man whose name I adopted. My children have a different last name than my husband's. My sons' friends (bless their hearts) always address me by my boys' last name, "Mrs. Jones," and they have even called my husband "Mr. Jones"!

I know they mean no disrespect, but I'm trying to find a way to fix this without making a big deal out of it. Can you help us? In this day and age, I'm sure it happens a lot, and many other men aren't as understanding as my husband is about it. -- EMBARRASSED IN NEVADA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You and your husband should have corrected the boys the first time this happened. The next time the "team" visits and one of them calls you by the wrong name, smile and say, "I probably should have told you before, but Mr. Jones was my former husband. Please call my husband and me Mr. and Mrs. 'Smith.'" If it's said pleasantly, I'm sure it will upset no one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old teenager who likes to baby-sit. I'm a hard worker and keep the children easily amused.

One of the families that I baby-sit for has a difficult child who is rather bratty, but I can control him very well. Recently, when they paid me, I noticed the amount was less than what I usually get. It is not the first time this has happened, and I have a feeling it won't be the last.

How do I tell this family they are underpaying me? And should I drop them? -- OVERWORKED AND UNDERPAID

DEAR UNDERPAID: The next time you are asked by the family to baby-sit, remind the parent that you charge so much an an hour. Explain that you are saying this because you were not paid the full amount the last time, and you will expect to have the balance added to this bill. If the parents are cooperative -- fine. If not, you have every right to drop them as customers and let them amuse their own "difficult, bratty" child on a night when they'd rather be doing something else.

DEAR ABBY: When I finally summoned the strength and fortitude to leave my abusive husband, I received the blessing of anonymous help, which was a tremendous comfort. The hugs and "Let me know if I can do anything" comments were thoughtful and no doubt heartfelt, but there was nothing that compared to the relief of coming home and finding a sack of goodies outside my door, or a gift card to the grocery store in my mailbox.

One angel-in-disguise sent me and the kids amusement park tickets, which thrilled us all. Another unknown Samaritan mailed me 50 $2 bills. Every time I pulled one out of my wallet those first scary days of trying my wings, I was touched by the underlying message, "You are not alone." -- GLAD I MADE IT IN CINCINNATI

DEAR GLAD: It appears you have some very practical and pro-active "angels" in your life. I'm printing your letter because I often receive questions from people wondering what they can do to help a friend who is in crisis or grieving -- and your letter is filled with practical ideas on ways to be supportive. Thanks for the "upper."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a college sophomore who is very confused. My boyfriend, "Graham," and I broke up about four months ago, but we still talk. We became a couple when we were freshmen in high school.

I treated Graham like a king and did everything I was supposed to do. But every year he would find another stupid excuse to break up. I thought he loved me, but now I'm not so sure.

I recently met a guy who would do anything for me, "Logan." Logan is the son of some family friends and a real sweetheart.

Should I stop talking to Graham and start over? I'm not sure what to do. It seems like Graham just doesn't want to grow up and treat me the way I treat him. -- DEPRESSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DEPRESSED: By all means stop talking to Graham and branch out. And when you do, take the initiative and tell him it's over. As soon as you stop clinging to the fantasy of what you wanted that relationship to be, you will begin to feel better. Just treating a man like a king isn't enough to make a relationship work. The respect and affection have to be mutual. And please don't commit to one person so quickly in the future. Lasting relationships take time to develop, and you need some time to look around.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small apartment complex and often hear screaming parents and children -- mostly children. I also hear lots of physical and verbal abuse toward the children, which leaves me upset because I'm not able to do anything about it, and I'm not a "bleeding heart" person.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I am awakened by the commotion. I hate hearing a young child scream out, "No, Daddy!" or a 1-year-old crying from being physically abused. It's not just coming from one apartment, either. Who can I call or report this to without retribution? Thanks for your help. -- AFRAID FOR THE CHILDREN, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR AFRAID: Pick up the phone and call the Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline. The toll-free number is 800-422-4453. It's completely confidential, and someone there will direct you to Child Protective Services in your state.

Childhelp USA is a nonprofit organization that has worked for many years for the safety of children through the treatment and prevention of child abuse. Their Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.childhelpusa.org" ��www.childhelpusa.org�. It goes without saying that donations are always welcome to help support the hot line.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a delicate position. My nephew is the head of a very large church in Delaware. One of his church members is an acquaintance of his mother's. (His mother is my sister.) I have met this woman only a couple of times.

I recently received an announcement in the mail stating that her daughter and son-in-law are moving into their second home. (The house is being blessed in a few weeks.) At the bottom of the announcement it says, "Monetary gifts are welcome."

Abby, I have never even met this woman's daughter! Am I obligated to send a gift? I live almost 2,000 miles away. -- CONFUSED IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR CONFUSED: You are in no way obligated to send a gift. What you received wasn't an announcement; it was a solicitation. I hope you will treat it as such, and dispose of it as you would any other piece of junk mail.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)