DEAR ABBY: My widowed father recently married a woman I'll call "Millie." The wedding was held at Millie's home. Of the 20 or so guests in attendance, the only single adult was my younger sister, "Kim."

The ceremony was beautiful, the food was delicious, and everyone seemed to be enjoyed themselves when, out of nowhere, three of Millie's friends asked for everyone's attention. They then announced that instead of the bride tossing her bouquet, they had decided to just present it to Kim! Most of the guests laughed, and Kim played along, but I could tell she was upset. These friends went on to say something like, "Don't worry, Kim, you won't be single forever -- your turn will come someday!"

Abby, my sister is a brilliant, beautiful, very successful attorney in a well-known law firm in a large city. But because she doesn't have a man in her life, she was "singled" out and teased in front of a group comprised mostly of strangers. She held it together through the party, but wept openly to me afterward. She felt humiliated, and worse than that, like some kind of failure.

As it turns out, it was Millie's idea to give Kim the bouquet and make it a "funny" display. Kim was incredibly hurt and no longer wants much to do with our new stepmother. I don't want to get in the middle, but I feel if I told Millie why Kim is being distant, she'd most likely apologize.

Should I stick my nose in or leave it alone? Are we overreacting? Any advice would be appreciated. -- NOT AMUSED SISTER IN VERMONT

DEAR SISTER: Your stepmother's "joke" was insensitive and not particularly funny. (When will people learn that humor at other people's expense is hurtful?) I agree that your sister is owed an apology. By all means tell Millie about the pain her thoughtless gesture caused. The alternative would be to let the situation fester until there is either an explosion or total estrangement.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 14, I was bulimic for a while. I was able to stop on my own and my parents never knew about it. Eventually my parents figured out that I was depressed and suicidal, and I was put on Prozac.

A couple of weeks ago, my mom saw some cuts on my hips. I told her it was the only time I had ever done it, but I lied. I have been doing it for several months.

I don't know what's going on with me lately. I used to be able to write all the time. The words just haven't been flowing like they used to, and it's sort of scaring me. I told my psychologist about it, and he told me I need to find a new outlet for my stress besides cutting. The problem is, I don't want a new outlet. I just want to be able to write again. Any advice you have for me would be greatly appreciated. -- SCARED IN STACY, MINN.

DEAR SCARED: Think back for a moment. Did your writer's block start after you began taking the Prozac? If so, ask your therapist whether the Prozac could have caused it. As helpful as antidepressants can be for some people, it sometimes takes a while to find which drug works best for an individual.

Of one thing I am certain. Cutting is not the solution to your problem. Communicating honestly with your parents and your therapist will take you a lot farther a lot faster. Conquering your illness -- and that's what depression is -- will take a joint effort on the part of all of you. Please do not allow fear to slow your progress. The antidote to fear is faith.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old niece, "Brittany," married her boyfriend of many years last month in a lavish production of a wedding financed entirely by her father (my brother). On the invitations, it was mentioned that their home was fully furnished, so in lieu of gifts, they'd appreciate money for their honeymoon to the Dominican Republic.

Most family members generously complied and chipped in $300 to $500 each. My widowed grandmother, who lived on a fixed income, even sent them $50.

Four days after their return from the honeymoon, Brittany threw her husband of two weeks out of the house and moved in with her new boyfriend, whom she'd first met when he "entertained" at her bachelorette party three weeks prior. To say we are all surprised is putting it mildly.

No one has heard from Brittany since, and no explanation was offered. My mother recently got her on the phone, and Brittany quickly ended the conversation by claiming that all the money had been "spent" and that her now ex-husband had any funds that remained. (We know this can't be true because the distraught groom recently approached my brother and asked him to pay for the annulment.)

Doesn't etiquette dictate that Brittany return all gifts -- including cash -- as the marriage ended just days after the checks cleared the bank? Is this why there's a 12-month window in which to send wedding gifts? -- ANGRY IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ANGRY: Your feelings are justified. The answers to your questions are yes and no.

The rules of etiquette do dictate that unused wedding gifts be returned in a case like this. However, if the checks didn't clear the bank until after the unhappy couple returned from the honeymoon, the money was probably spent to pay off their credit cards.

Your assumption that there is a 12-month window in which to give wedding gifts is a popular misconception and incorrect. Wedding gifts should be given at the time of the wedding, or after the couple returns from the honeymoon at the latest.

DEAR ABBY: I married my husband, "Ralph," two years ago. We moved from New York to Arizona after he retired, one month after the wedding. We both have grown children and grandchildren back east.

The issue is: I'm not allowed to hang pictures of my family in the new house. I'm allowed to have four pictures in the office, one picture in the den and one in the living room. If I receive a new picture in the mail, I must choose which of the old ones will be removed and replaced with the new one.

Ralph feels that only "old people" put pictures up all over the house. I requested that we come to some agreement on this. He said that as far as he's concerned, the issue has been resolved.

Abby, I can't tell you how much I miss my family back east. To display their pictures brings me so much joy. Because I feel like I am a child who can't make any decisions in "his" house, I refuse to buy anything for "his" house, and things are still in boxes after two years because I refuse to decorate "his" house. What do you think? -- STUCK IN ARIZONA

DEAR STUCK: I think that if ever I heard about a newly married couple who needed professional mediation, it is you two. Ralph is being inflexible, and you are being childish. Please schedule an appointment with the best marriage counselor you can afford. And if Ralph refuses to cooperate -- go without him.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR READERS: Seven years ago, I told you about a new program called the Legacy Project that had been created to honor American veterans by preserving their wartime letters. I asked you to send a photocopy of a favorite war letter that you or a loved one had written.

The response was overwhelming. Since its inception in 1998, the Legacy Project has received an estimated 75,000 never-before-seen letters from every conflict in our nation's history -- including e-mails from Iraq and Afghanistan.

I thought you'd like to know that the Legacy Project has just announced that the entire collection will be donated to the prestigious Gilder Lehrman Institute in New York City, where the letters will be archived for posterity.

In honor of Veterans Day, I will share with you one of the letters from the collection. It was handwritten by a young soldier named Justin Merhoff, who currently serves in the U.S. Army and will soon be deployed to Afghanistan. It was addressed to his grandfather, Hugh Merhoff:

"Dear Gramps: I want to write you and let you know what I am doing these days. I found out that my unit was responsible for manning five of the 22 funeral honors teams that represent the 10th Mountain Division.

"Since I've never been to a funeral before, I did not know what to expect. There were times that I had to try not to cry after seeing the family go through the turmoil that death brings. These emotions were new to me and were hard to take at first. What really got me was that there were guys who were not U.S. citizens but were fighting for our country. I might never have met these soldiers, but they are all my brothers and sisters in arms. We will forever, even in death, be bound to each other by our service to our country.

"This whole experience has helped me better understand what happened during World War II, Korea and Vietnam, and the sacrifices made by those who served honorably -- and by their families. I know that you say you do not consider yourself a veteran because you were drafted and did not see action. You used the time you served to your advantage and became a doctor. You saved countless lives. You are the reason I am in the Army today. You instilled in me the values that you learned during your service, and it has made me a better soldier. Most important, it has made me a better person. -- Love, Justin"

READERS: If you would like to read more letters like this one, and learn more about the Legacy Project, please visit its Web site at www.WarLetters.com.

DEAR ABBY: A long time ago -- many years, for sure -- you had a definition of "maturity" that I kept and liked a lot. I can't find it. Can you dig it up, please? -- MOTHER IN OSCEOLA, ARK.

DEAR MOTHER: Consider it dug. It was penned by my mother:

This is maturity: To be able to stick with a job until it's finished; to do one's duty without being supervised; to be able to carry money without spending it; and to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)