DEAR ABBY: This year it's our turn to have Thanksgiving dinner for my parents, my two brothers and their families at our home. My parents and brothers all live in the same city, about three hours from my family.

My father recently had major surgery. He's recovering at home and can't drive. My mother can drive. However, she drinks a little, although she has never caused an accident.

Abby, I'd still like to host Thanksgiving dinner at our home. We don't have a spare bedroom, but I don't think it would be a problem to make sleeping arrangements for my parents, my brothers and their families. All together, there would only be eight adults, a preschooler, a 6-year-old, 8-year-old twins and two teenagers in our house -– and it would be only for two nights. (Members of our families always stay with relatives when they travel, so a motel is out.)

My wife thinks it would make more sense (even though she enjoys cooking) if we stayed in a motel close to my parents' home this year and treated everyone to Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant close by. How can I convince her that my plan to have everyone at our home will work? -- PERPLEXED IN SANTA BARBARA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your plan is well-intended, but it might not be what's best for your father right now. When anyone is recovering from surgery, it's not unusual to tire easily, and when the patients are older, they do not bounce back as quickly as younger people do. Once fatigue sets in, it is important that the patient go to bed and rest. With eight adults, a preschooler, a 6-year-old, 8-year-old twins and two teenagers all under the same roof, that would be impossible.

Another possibility is for you and your wife to stay in a motel, but offer to host the dinner at your parents' home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man. He is 38 and I am 43. He is living with his parents until he can get his dad's business license.

His parents are mad because he goes out, and have demanded that he break up with me. They have not even met me, yet they are accusing me of being after a meal ticket. Abby, I have my own place, my own car and a job that I enjoy. He lives with his parents and is starting over with almost nothing, not even his own car. I am heartbroken.

What should I do? People say I need a man, not a boy. -- HEARTBROKEN IN TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I don't know how expensive a business license is, but this one is costing a "wonderful man" his independence. What you should do is find a man who is not financially dependent upon staying in his parents' good graces. If you pin your hopes on this one, you will STAY heartbroken.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old in middle school. I would love to show how responsible I am by doing chores for other people for a little extra money on the side.

I am very mature and get good grades, but I'm afraid that people will underestimate me because of my age. Do you have any suggestions? I read your column and love it. Please help. -- CURIOUS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR CURIOUS: I respect your ambition and your entrepreneurial spirit. Proceed only with your parents' permission, and with neighbors they know. One way to accomplish your goal would be to distribute a list of the chores that you would like to do, along with a price list for your services. Include your contact number, and you'll be off to the races. If you are told by people that they have doubts about your level of maturity, use your parents as your first reference. Good luck!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl with an obese mother. She doesn't exercise much. She started going to the gym about a month ago, but since has stopped. She's what you'd call a habitual snacker. At night she'll finish eating one unhealthy food and then begin eating another. (She often eats more than 1,500 calories in one of her nightly "snacks.")

To make matters worse, she eats in front of the TV and makes me fetch her food rather than walking to the kitchen herself. When I try to talk to her about her bad habits, she gets defensive and angry. I want her to lose weight and am willing to help her. How can I confront my mom about her problem? -- HUNGRY FOR HELP IN NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR HUNGRY FOR HELP: You are a caring and concerned daughter, and for that you deserve to be praised. However, no one can "help" your mother until she's willing to admit she has a problem. The behavior you described isn't "evening snacking"; it's bingeing. Until she's ready to confront what is eating HER, she will not stop trying to fill the emptiness inside with food.

Rather than confronting your mother yourself, enlist the help of a close friend or family member. If your mother agrees, her next step should be to check the phone book for the listing of the nearest chapter of Overeaters Anonymous. They charge no dues or fees, and no membership lists are kept. There is no shaming, no weighing in and no embarrassment. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. When your mother attends a meeting, she'll be welcomed with open arms into a fellowship of compassionate women and men who all share her problem.

There are more than 8,000 Overeaters Anonymous groups worldwide and chapters in almost every city. However, if your mother has difficulty locating one, help her by visiting � HYPERLINK "http://www.overeatersanonymous.org" ��www.overeatersanonymous.org� or sending a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to OA World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a friend, "Jon," who told us he wanted to open a nonprofit Christian center, and my husband donated $1,000 to help out. About a month later, Jon decided he couldn't handle it and bailed out. The business never opened.

I say Jon should pay my husband back the money. Jon says he used it on a mission run for someone we don't know, for vehicle repairs, and to reimburse some of his own losses.

I am being made out to be the "bad guy" here. This is twice that it has happened to my husband. Am I right about this? If I'm wrong, I'll drop it. -- FURIOUS IN WELLINGTON, COLO.

DEAR FURIOUS: I don't blame you for being furious. Perhaps you should inform "Jon" that if he doesn't return the money, you will inform the fraud unit of your local police department. There is more to setting up a nonprofit than holding out your hand and saying you're starting one; legal steps must be taken that appear to have been "overlooked." So stick to your guns, and if it means the end of the "friendship," you won't have lost much.

DEAR ABBY: Some of my family and I were invited to a 50th anniversary party. On the invitation it requests "no gifts." We were wondering, does that include cards with the gift of money or even a card at all? -- WONDERING IN DAVENPORT, IOWA

DEAR WONDERING: "No gifts" on an invitation means that your presence at the celebration is enough of a gift. It does not mean that you should give money -- although a donation to their favorite charity in their name might be a nice gesture. And if you would like to give the happy couple a card, it's acceptable but not mandatory.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: While vacationing at a resort last month, I ran into the brother of a girl I went to school with. I hadn't seen "Sean" or his sister "Meghan" for several years, so I asked how he was doing, and then proceeded to ask about Meghan. His face turned pale and he said, "She's dead."

I had never heard that Meghan has passed away. I was mortified. I had no idea what to do next. I mumbled a clumsy "I'm sorry," and he continued to give me a withering stare. I have since learned that his sister died of a drug overdose, and that's why it wasn't mentioned in the newspaper.

How should I handle this when I see Sean again? It is inevitable that we'll cross paths again, and I feel guilty for bringing up his sister as it caused him such obvious pain. I don't want to ignore him, but I really don't know what to say. Have you any advice for me? -- MORTIFIED IN MAINE

DEAR MORTIFIED: Don't wait until you see the man. Write him a short note telling him again how shocked and sorry you were to hear of his sister's death. Mention that it was obvious your question blindsided him and caused him pain. Let him know that wasn't your intention when you asked it. Then, when you see him again, the subject will have already been dealt with. Please don't feel guilty, because you did nothing wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I have new neighbors who insist on feeding my dog, "Sadie," even though I have asked them repeatedly not to. Sadie has food allergies, not to mention the impact this has had on her training. Sadie gets treats only for doing what she is told to do.

What can I do to make them stop feeding my dog (other than moving)? A large fence is not permitted where we live. -- DOG-TIRED IN IRVINE, CALIF

DEAR DOG-TIRED: There is no way to force your neighbors to stop feeding your dog. However, I do have some suggestions.

First, do not allow your dog to go near the neighbors' unless she is on a leash. That way you are in control. Second, contact a dog trainer and learn how to train Sadie not to accept food from strangers without your permission. (It could save her from being poisoned one day.) Third, because large fences are restricted in your neighborhood, consider installing an electronic fence. It works with a sensor in your dog's collar, and will discourage Sadie from leaving your property by giving her a mild shock if she crosses from your yard into your neighbors'.

DEAR ABBY: How long should people be expected to keep school memorabilia, baby albums, childhood scrapbooks, etc? My husband and I recently moved to a smaller home and down-sized our belongings. I disposed of almost all of the memorabilia. None of it had been looked at in at least 35 years.

There are no albums of my husband. They could still be at his parents' house –- or maybe there are none.

My mother is so angry over this she's ready to disown me. Why would I keep those things, since I have no one to pass them on to and they are just taking up room? Your opinion, please. -- CINCINNATI READER

DEAR READER: Obviously, the items you threw away had sentimental value to someone -– your mother. Because there were presumably pictures of other relatives in those albums, it would have been a kindness to have offered them to those relatives -– including your mother -– rather than just throwing them away.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)