DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about cell phone conversations in a public eatery. Granted, most of the time it can be avoided -– and should be. However, there are exceptions, and bystanders should not be so judgmental. I'm a hospice nurse and am often on call, yet not at the office. I must take the calls I receive and often work through complex problems on the phone, no matter where we are or what we are doing. Sometimes the calls are quite lengthy; sometimes there are none at all.

Bystanders who might judge my cell phone use do me a great disservice, and likewise people in other professions. My family is just glad that I can go out and enjoy time with them, even when I'm "working." They appreciate what I do and are proud that I give these worthy patients attention when they need it. Please consider that when you are a bystander, you might not know the "rest of the story." -- NURSE IN ADA, OKLA.

DEAR NURSE: While your cell phone use in restaurants might be necessary, you know as well as I do that most conversations aren't. You are the exception. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: After reading about obnoxious cell phone use in your column, I had to share something I saw. I was waiting in line at a bank while a mother on a cell phone was doing her transactions. Her 10-year-old daughter was at her side.

The mother was in not one, but two conversations: "Yeah, yeah, that's right. No, no, I was talking to HIM. OK, fine! No, no, I was talking to HER." Finally finished and still talking, the woman walked outside, and I went to the teller's window.

I quickly finished my business and noticed the daughter was still standing next to me. I took her outside and found the mother getting into a convertible, still on the cell phone, as was the (male) driver. As the child and I neared the car, I realized the two adults were talking to each other! -- ANDY IN TUCSON

DEAR ABBY: I informed my 17-year-old daughter that when we are together, it's offensive and rude for her to be on the cell phone. I don't mind a quick, "I'm having dinner with my mom; I'll get back to you later." I give her the same respect, even when her father calls me. In other words, all members of this family extend the same courtesy to each other. -- THERESA IN SUGARLAND, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I work in retail, and this has happened to me. When a customer approaches me while talking on a cell phone and tries to hand me the merchandise, I smile and say, "No, don't give it to me yet! Finish your call. It must be important." Then I just stand there. I'm always polite and cordial, and you'd be amazed how quickly they get the "hint." -- LOVES MY JOB

DEAR ABBY: An old boss invited me out to lunch; however, within only a few minutes of our being seated, he took a cell phone call. I sat there for 20 minutes trying not to listen in, then finally I got up, walked out and went home. He called me later, upset that I had "abandoned" him. My response: "I thought we were having lunch together, but you were busy." We've had lunch several times since, and he always turns his cell phone off as we take our seats. -- READER IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion. If you notice someone ignoring his or her dinner companion and talking at length on a cell phone, it might be a kindness to invite the ignored person to join you. Not only could you make a friend, the rude person might get the hint that such behavior is unacceptable. -- TERI IN LYNN, MASS.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This year it's our turn to have Thanksgiving dinner for my parents, my two brothers and their families at our home. My parents and brothers all live in the same city, about three hours from my family.

My father recently had major surgery. He's recovering at home and can't drive. My mother can drive. However, she drinks a little, although she has never caused an accident.

Abby, I'd still like to host Thanksgiving dinner at our home. We don't have a spare bedroom, but I don't think it would be a problem to make sleeping arrangements for my parents, my brothers and their families. All together, there would only be eight adults, a preschooler, a 6-year-old, 8-year-old twins and two teenagers in our house -– and it would be only for two nights. (Members of our families always stay with relatives when they travel, so a motel is out.)

My wife thinks it would make more sense (even though she enjoys cooking) if we stayed in a motel close to my parents' home this year and treated everyone to Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant close by. How can I convince her that my plan to have everyone at our home will work? -- PERPLEXED IN SANTA BARBARA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Your plan is well-intended, but it might not be what's best for your father right now. When anyone is recovering from surgery, it's not unusual to tire easily, and when the patients are older, they do not bounce back as quickly as younger people do. Once fatigue sets in, it is important that the patient go to bed and rest. With eight adults, a preschooler, a 6-year-old, 8-year-old twins and two teenagers all under the same roof, that would be impossible.

Another possibility is for you and your wife to stay in a motel, but offer to host the dinner at your parents' home.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man. He is 38 and I am 43. He is living with his parents until he can get his dad's business license.

His parents are mad because he goes out, and have demanded that he break up with me. They have not even met me, yet they are accusing me of being after a meal ticket. Abby, I have my own place, my own car and a job that I enjoy. He lives with his parents and is starting over with almost nothing, not even his own car. I am heartbroken.

What should I do? People say I need a man, not a boy. -- HEARTBROKEN IN TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I don't know how expensive a business license is, but this one is costing a "wonderful man" his independence. What you should do is find a man who is not financially dependent upon staying in his parents' good graces. If you pin your hopes on this one, you will STAY heartbroken.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old in middle school. I would love to show how responsible I am by doing chores for other people for a little extra money on the side.

I am very mature and get good grades, but I'm afraid that people will underestimate me because of my age. Do you have any suggestions? I read your column and love it. Please help. -- CURIOUS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR CURIOUS: I respect your ambition and your entrepreneurial spirit. Proceed only with your parents' permission, and with neighbors they know. One way to accomplish your goal would be to distribute a list of the chores that you would like to do, along with a price list for your services. Include your contact number, and you'll be off to the races. If you are told by people that they have doubts about your level of maturity, use your parents as your first reference. Good luck!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl with an obese mother. She doesn't exercise much. She started going to the gym about a month ago, but since has stopped. She's what you'd call a habitual snacker. At night she'll finish eating one unhealthy food and then begin eating another. (She often eats more than 1,500 calories in one of her nightly "snacks.")

To make matters worse, she eats in front of the TV and makes me fetch her food rather than walking to the kitchen herself. When I try to talk to her about her bad habits, she gets defensive and angry. I want her to lose weight and am willing to help her. How can I confront my mom about her problem? -- HUNGRY FOR HELP IN NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR HUNGRY FOR HELP: You are a caring and concerned daughter, and for that you deserve to be praised. However, no one can "help" your mother until she's willing to admit she has a problem. The behavior you described isn't "evening snacking"; it's bingeing. Until she's ready to confront what is eating HER, she will not stop trying to fill the emptiness inside with food.

Rather than confronting your mother yourself, enlist the help of a close friend or family member. If your mother agrees, her next step should be to check the phone book for the listing of the nearest chapter of Overeaters Anonymous. They charge no dues or fees, and no membership lists are kept. There is no shaming, no weighing in and no embarrassment. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively. When your mother attends a meeting, she'll be welcomed with open arms into a fellowship of compassionate women and men who all share her problem.

There are more than 8,000 Overeaters Anonymous groups worldwide and chapters in almost every city. However, if your mother has difficulty locating one, help her by visiting � HYPERLINK "http://www.overeatersanonymous.org" ��www.overeatersanonymous.org� or sending a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to OA World Service Office, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a friend, "Jon," who told us he wanted to open a nonprofit Christian center, and my husband donated $1,000 to help out. About a month later, Jon decided he couldn't handle it and bailed out. The business never opened.

I say Jon should pay my husband back the money. Jon says he used it on a mission run for someone we don't know, for vehicle repairs, and to reimburse some of his own losses.

I am being made out to be the "bad guy" here. This is twice that it has happened to my husband. Am I right about this? If I'm wrong, I'll drop it. -- FURIOUS IN WELLINGTON, COLO.

DEAR FURIOUS: I don't blame you for being furious. Perhaps you should inform "Jon" that if he doesn't return the money, you will inform the fraud unit of your local police department. There is more to setting up a nonprofit than holding out your hand and saying you're starting one; legal steps must be taken that appear to have been "overlooked." So stick to your guns, and if it means the end of the "friendship," you won't have lost much.

DEAR ABBY: Some of my family and I were invited to a 50th anniversary party. On the invitation it requests "no gifts." We were wondering, does that include cards with the gift of money or even a card at all? -- WONDERING IN DAVENPORT, IOWA

DEAR WONDERING: "No gifts" on an invitation means that your presence at the celebration is enough of a gift. It does not mean that you should give money -- although a donation to their favorite charity in their name might be a nice gesture. And if you would like to give the happy couple a card, it's acceptable but not mandatory.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)