DEAR ABBY: I am 8 years old, and I have a question that has bothered me for months. Is Santa Claus a real person, and if not, why does everyone say he is? And if Santa Claus ISN'T real, where do all the letters go? -- CONFUSED IN KINGSTON, N.Y.

DEAR CONFUSED: Santa Claus is more than a human being. Santa Claus is the living symbol of selfless giving, handed down from one generation to the next. In 1897, a girl named Virginia asked the same question in a newspaper. A very wise newspaper editor, Frank Church, wrote in reply:

"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. ... The most real things in the world are those which neither children nor men can see. ... Thank God, he (Santa Claus) lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now -- nay, 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood."

Letters to Santa Claus go where every other letter goes -- directly to the U.S. Postal Service, which makes sure the letters reach their destination regardless of "rain, hail, sleet or snow."

Read on for a testimony from a true believer:

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday afternoon, as I was opening my mail, I came across an envelope with my name and address printed on it, but no return address. I assumed it was junk mail that had been made to look like a Christmas card, but curiosity got the better of me, so I opened it.

Inside was a Christmas card. It was signed "Santa," and inside were five $100 bills!

I checked the postmark. It read, "Grand Rapids, Mich., Dec. 9." Abby, I don't know anyone in Grand Rapids.

I'm divorced. My ex-husband hasn't been helping me to support our children. Times have been hard. Obviously, the card was sent by someone who cares about us very much -- someone who went to great trouble to remain anonymous. The money was a blessing. An equally great blessing is the fact that my children had a chance to witness such an act of generosity and kindness.

I hope that Santa is reading your column today, because I want to say thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. I am grateful. -- STILL BELIEVES IN SANTA, HOUSTON

DEAR STILL BELIEVES: I'm printing your letter with the conviction that some kind of elf will ensure that it is delivered as far north as a reindeer can fly. A perceptive person once said that true generosity is doing something nice for someone without taking credit for it. However, your case is exceptional -- and how fitting of your benefactor, "Santa," to take a bow. I know readers of all ages will be as gratified as I was to read about his act of kindness in this, the season of giving.

DEAR ABBY: When you're a guest in someone's home and use the powder room, and the only soap on the bathroom sink is the kind that's pretty and looks like little flowers -- do you use one and throw it away when you're finished, or just rinse your hands with plain water? -- EMBARRASSED IN DELAWARE

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Please don't feel embarrassed; yours is a very common question. The answer is that guests should feel free to use what is offered by their hosts. The hosts can throw away the soap later if they wish.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Until now, I had a perfect life with a wonderful husband and a great 16-year-old son.

My husband of 10 years, "Keith," has raised my son, "Mike," and loves him as his own. Mike grew up knowing that Keith was not his birth father, but has always treated him as if he were. My ex-husband remarried and now has three daughters. I never hid this from my son. But now, my ex-husband's daughters have "found" Mike on the Internet. They have been talking for a couple of weeks now, and Mike actually talked to his birth father on a couple of occasions.

Mike now treats Keith very badly, and Keith doesn't know why. I knew about the conversations with his "sisters," but I did not know about the conversations with his father. Why would a man who abandoned me and his infant son 16 years ago all of a sudden want to come into his life now and disrupt our lives? We have a great family, and I get very uncomfortable when Mike slips in things that happened 16 or 17 years ago, because he heard it from his father. Also, I do not like his father talking to him one-on-one without me. What can I do? -- WORRIED ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR WORRIED: I can think of one reason why the man who abandoned you and your baby boy is now disrupting your life. The answer is, he "only" had three girls and would now like to have a son. After all, all the work of raising this young man has been done.

Your son may be 16, but he is still a minor. I recommend you discuss this entire matter with an attorney who can tell you what your rights are as your son's custodial parent. (I am assuming you never received child support for the boy. If your ex wants "in" now, perhaps he should share some of the financial responsibility that Keith has shouldered for so many years.)

And while you're at it, I urge you to consider family counseling for you, your husband and your son. I don't know what your ex may have been telling the young man, but I guarantee it'll be better if it is put on the table by YOU, with a trained therapist who can help you to iron out the "wrinkles" before they become permanent-press. Please don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: Every year at Christmas, my four longtime girlfriends and I "promise" not to buy each other expensive gifts. We all have large families, so it is a cost-saving measure. However, invariably at least one of us ends up ignoring the rule and buys lavish gifts anyway! The small gift-givers end up feeling embarrassed, and the expensive gift-givers end up feeling guilty for violating our pledge.

Please help us stop this self-defeating cycle! -- "B" IN UNIONVILLE, IND.

DEAR "B": I have a suggestion: Make a pact this year that your only "gifts" will be in the form of letters to each other, describing a special memory of your friendship. Embellish the letters with all the traits your friends have that you admire. I promise you, the recipients will treasure it. If anyone breaks the pact, the others should not feel guilty for having kept the promise and given a gift of "self."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old boy with a problem. My mother won't stop using my underwear. If that's not bad enough, she only uses my NEW underwear. I constantly ask her to stop, but she won't. What should I do? -- ANGRY IN HARTFORD, CONN.

DEAR ANGRY: At 13, you are old enough to have things of your own. Your mother shouldn't be using your underwear without your permission. The next time it happens, try this: Say you'd like to borrow some of hers.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My father went to prison five years ago, and my mother has been taking care of my brother and sister. (I'm older and out of the house.)

I recently came across some shocking information. Mom has been going on dates with a clergy member who has been sending her text messages saying things like "I can't stop thinking about you," etc. I also found out she has a profile on a couple of Internet dating sites and has been coming home later than usual after going out "for drinks with friends" after work. When I confronted her, she first denied it, then got caught in a lie. She refuses to accept responsibility, insisting "it wasn't a date," although this man expressed romantic feelings for her.

My father knows nothing about this while he languishes in a cell for what could be another five or six years. Should I tell him? I also do not know if I should confront this clergyman because I find his actions despicable.

How can I explain to my mother that what she's doing is wrong? When I try to talk to her in a mature way, she says things like, "I can't hear you!" Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- DISILLUSIONED SON IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Please don't waste your breath trying to shame your mother into good behavior because it won't work. She knows what she's doing is wrong, and that's why she is practicing "selective deafness" when you try to reason with her.

As tempting as it might be, I see absolutely nothing to be gained by telling your father. The news will only make him unhappier and more frustrated than he already is.

If you would like to say a few well-chosen words to the clergyman who is dallying with your mother, you're certainly within your rights to do so. While you're at it, let him know you have proof. That ought to dampen his ardor.

As for the pain you are feeling, it's natural that you would ache inside. So please consider having some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist who can listen, guide you and help you make sure that this doesn't have an impact on your future relationships with women. Trust me, it will help.

DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that my neighbor's son offered my 14-year-old marijuana, and my son refused. (The two boys are close in age.) I heard all about it from my 12-year-old daughter. When I asked my son about it, he admitted it happened. I have no reason to doubt his story, and I hope he maintains his strength and resolve during the years to come. I am extremely proud of him.

My question is, should I confront the neighbor boy about it, or should I let his parents know what I learned? Of course, the third option is to mind my own business. Eventually, they'll discover what's going on and deal with it on their own -- and no friction will be created between two otherwise great neighbors. -- PROUD PAPA IN TORRANCE, CALIF.

DEAR PROUD PAPA: You are in a position to do your "great neighbors" a favor. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't you want to know your son was headed for trouble? If the answer is yes, apply the Golden Rule. However, when you tell these parents what they need to know, I strongly recommend that you not brag about how "proud" you are that your son refused the offer. Pride goeth before a fall.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)