DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?

I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.

Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT

DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.

Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.

There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us.

Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Some years ago, I responded to your Operation Dear Abby program. I thought it would be neat to have a pen pal while I was in high school. I'm happy to report that I got much more than I ever dreamed of.

I began writing to Karl, and we corresponded for more than a year before we were able to meet in person. When we did meet, we both felt an immediate attraction to each other -- but as fate would have it, he was stationed overseas again and I was leaving for college. Fortunately, we reconnected and began to date exclusively.

To make a long story short, we recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. We are each other's best friend and feel blessed to have three beautiful children. Thank you, Abby, for bringing us together. -- KATHY K., ROANOKE, VA.

DEAR KATHY K.: Thank you for an upper of a letter. Many love stories began with Operation Dear Abby, and continue to be created through OperationDearAbby.net -- the online version that now operates 24/7 year round. I'm pleased that writing to a member of the armed services was not only rewarding for you, but also became the pathway to your future.

Readers, as I am sure you already know, this is a time of year when our young men and women in the military feel most poignantly their separation from their families and the people they love. While it is not within our power to make that go away, it does present an opportunity to show them we appreciate the fact that they are fulfilling their duty at the risk of their own safety. Today, and during the rest of this holiday season, won't you please make a special effort to let them know they are in our thoughts and prayers. Go to www.OperationDearAbby.net and send a message of support. It'll mean the world to them.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is an attractive, well-educated, single, professional woman in her early 40s. She is gay. I have known about her sexual orientation since she was in high school and have always been supportive. We have enjoyed a good relationship.

I have been friendly to my daughter's same gender friends in the past, until she moved into the home of a divorced woman who claims she is also gay. Abby, this woman is in her mid-40s. She has two children, ages 5 and 12, from her previous marriage to a man. There is significant financial advantage for her to have my daughter move in with her.

Between you and me, I don't believe that she is really gay. Is it possible for a woman to become gay after many years of marriage that produced two children? Thanks for your help. -- PERPLEXED MOTHER IN THE EAST

DEAR PERPLEXED: Yes, it is possible for a person to discover that she (or he) is gay after having been married and having children. Usually, the person felt a same-sex attraction much earlier, but denied it and married, hoping the feeling would go away. Many years -- sometimes decades -- later, the man or woman realizes that something is "missing," meets someone, and the feelings return stronger than ever. And that's when they finally come out.�

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to make a plea to your readers. All of you who still have plenty, please consider those close to you, around you, around the country and around the world who do not. With hard economic times here for many, plus wars and natural disasters, many people have lost loved ones, jobs and homes -- and happy memories have been replaced with traumatic ones.

Please do not ask them to reciprocate with expensive travel, food and gifts.

Do not expect them to "forget" what they have lost.

Do not use alcohol to "celebrate" the holidays with them.

Do not flaunt what you have that they do not.

Do not complain about the little things that bother you.

What CAN you do?

Do express that you understand their difficult times.

Do suggest name-drawing for gifts, exchanging homemade gifts or donating to charity.

Do open your home to them as a respite -- no strings attached.

Do provide practical gifts to replace those lost to natural disasters or to comfort those at war.

Do express your love and support.

Do help loved ones get mental health support if they need it.

Do volunteer your time at a shelter, rebuilding project, school or day care, senior care facility or military support group.

Do be thankful for what you have. -- HOPING FOR GOOD HOLIDAYS, STILLWATER, OKLA.

DEAR HOPING: You have offered practical suggestions for this holiday season, and I hope my readers will keep them in mind. I would like to add one more suggestion to the ones you listed: Do offer a willing ear to those who need a chance to vent, and although it may be uncomfortable to hear, don't try to minimize their feelings. A lot of people have experienced a record amount of trauma in the last few years as well as recent months. Although you may not be able to solve their problems, sometimes it can be enough just to listen, affirm what they're saying, and offer hope.

DEAR ABBY: Could you please give me some advice regarding proper wedding etiquette when it comes to giving the bride and groom a blessing?

Our daughter was recently married, and her maid of honor and best man each gave a small speech with a toast. My husband was planning to give them a blessing and say a prayer over them. However, before he had a chance to get the microphone, an older friend of the family got hold of it and gave a blessing she had absolutely no authority to give. She went on for five minutes while my husband fumed the whole time. He felt like he was robbed.

We have not discussed our feelings with this woman, and are unsure how to handle this situation. We don't want this to happen again at our next wedding. -- ROBBED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ROBBED: Your question is a first. I have never heard of "blessing etiquette" or an order of priority for offering them. As far as I'm concerned, the more prayers and blessings a couple receives, the better -- and your husband should have stepped up to the plate and offered his own.

P.S. The way to prevent someone from grabbing the microphone and speaking out of turn would be to control who has it, and have a list of scheduled speakers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)