DEAR ABBY: I have owned a business for 13 years. Recently one of my employees forged a customer's check in the amount of $1,000.

I have tried to talk to him and ask why, and I have threatened to go to the police. We have more than just a working relationship. We did a lot of things together outside of work, but never had a sexual relationship.

This man worked for me for more than two years and, other than this crime, was a perfect employee. He insists that he didn't "forge" the check that he had cashed at the customer's bank and tries to justify it by saying he felt he "deserved" the "extra" money. I always paid him on time and gave him many extra perks. Please help me. -- LOST BIG-TIME IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LOST BIG-TIME: Wake up! Your "perfect employee" is a thief, a forger and a sociopath. He may be a charmer -- aren't they all! -- but that's what has enabled him to reach the point he has. For your own emotional well-being and for the sake of your business, please tell the police what you have learned. If you don't, the next person to be burned will be YOU. Bank on it!

DEAR ABBY: A couple invited my date and me to an expensive restaurant for dinner. We were to meet in the lobby of the restaurant at 7 p.m. We arrived a couple of minutes before the appointed time.

Checking with the hostess, we found that a table for four had been reserved, and she offered to seat us even though our friends had not yet arrived.

My date said we should have been seated so we could wait for our friends, who were 10 minutes late. I disagreed, pointing out that for us to be seated would have been a breach of etiquette because it emphasized that our friends were late. Who's right? -- TOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TOM: It appears you were more concerned about the comfort of your hosts than the comfort of your date. As hosts, the couple who invited you should have been on hand to greet you. How long did you intend to stand around? After all, you had no idea if they'd be held up for 10 minutes or for 30 minutes -- and your date was probably standing there in high heels.

To have taken the hostess up on her kind offer would not have been a breach of etiquette; it would have shown consideration for your date.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Thornton," and I are being married in two months. This is a second (and final) marriage for both of us. We dated for several years and went to counseling so that this marriage would last and our love would stay strong. We both have children from our first marriages who are excited about the wedding.

Thornton and I are in disagreement, however, about whether or not to invite our ex-spouses -- although we remain friendly with them. Please tell me the appropriate thing to do. -- ABOUT TO BE WED IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABOUT TO BE WED: Generally speaking, if the relationship between the ex-spouses is cordial -- and emotionally disconnected enough -- I see nothing wrong with inviting them to the wedding. However, in your case, because there is disagreement on the subject, it would be the better part of wisdom to set sail on the sea of matrimony without the exes standing on the dock.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is almost 38 years old. Most of my adult life has been spent in school, working or traveling. It is only in the last two years that I have met someone and settled down somewhat -- although we are not married. We are both artists, so much of our time is filled doing the things that we love and believe in. Neither of us feels a giant void in our relationship or our lives that needs to be filled by a baby.

In the past year or so, several of my co-workers and other people I barely know keep asking, "When are you going to have a baby?" or, "You only have a couple more years -- aren't you going to have a baby?" or, "Don't you want kids?"

Abby, my family doesn't even ask me these questions! I think they are extremely rude and intrusive, and I resent the simple-minded assumption that just because a person has a uterus and ovaries she must make a baby. How should I respond to these questions? -- CHILDLESS AND HAPPY IN TEXAS

DEAR CHILDLESS AND HAPPY: There are several ways to handle questions that are nobody's business. One is to deflect the question by asking another: "Why do you ask?" Or, "Why do you think that's any of your business?" Alternatively, if you really want the person to back down, you can reply, "If it were any of your business, you'd already know the answer to that question. Please don't ask me again!"

DEAR ABBY: My mother was diagnosed with colorectal cancer that spread to her liver. Over the last five years, she has put up a brave fight, smiling through her surgeries, years of chemo and constant pain. The doctors now say there's nothing more they can do. Basically, Mom is at home waiting to die.

I recently moved back with my parents so I can help Dad with Mother's care. I'm glad I can take time off and spend quality time with them. I am 23 and love them both.

My concern is, my father rarely speaks about Mother's illness. We joke about it, mostly to avoid a sad, uncomfortable situation. I'm dealing with this like my dad does. I rarely talk about it, and when I do, I make a joke. I have tried discussing how I feel with friends, but most of the time they stop me because it's hard for them to hear. I have also tried talking about things with Dad, but I don't want to make him sad. I start to lose it every time he tears up, so now I avoid the subject.

I don't know who to talk to. Sometimes I feel it's pointless to try because talking won't change the situation. But my feelings are becoming overwhelming, and I need to let them out. Can you help me? -- OVERWHELMED IN ARIZONA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: I'm sorry your mother isn't doing well. However, I'm sure your presence is a great comfort to both of your parents.

It is very important that both you and your father find an outlet where it's safe to talk about your feelings because they are normal. Although it may be painful, and probably tearful, tears can be healing. The American Cancer Society has programs for people with cancer and their families, including excellent support groups. You do not have to go through this difficult time alone, so please don't wait to make contact. Find a program in your area by visiting www.cancer.org and typing in your ZIP code. (Or you can call: 1-800-ACS-2345.) There is also an online community where people can chat anytime they feel the need 24/7. Although it's a cancer survivors' network, families are welcome, too. You're in my prayers.

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DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law was born during the Depression. My question is, what is a safe amount of time to be able to eat meat from the freezer?

We have noticed items that are more than 5 years old that my father-in-law insists are still good, "... you just cut off the freezer burn." We're afraid he's going to poison himself. -- CONCERNED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, WELLINGTON, COLO.

DEAR CONCERNED: According to Mike Herndon, media spokesman for the Food and Drug Administration, meat can be frozen "almost indefinitely." However, it must be stored constantly at zero degrees to be safe. Freezer burn does not make food unsafe, but may affect the quality.

The following are freezer storage times for quality only: uncooked roasts, steaks or chops, four to 12 months; whole poultry, 12 months; poultry parts, nine months. Also, it's a good idea to check for odor after meat and poultry have been frozen for too long. If there is a rancid smell, obviously, do not use it.

DEAR ABBY: A new employee, "Nicki," was recently hired at the company where I work. A group of us eat lunch together, and we have tried to make Nicki as welcome as possible by asking her to join our table.

Usually our conversation consists of talk about our families or a movie we saw recently, but Nicki always seems to interject a piece of information that is so private as to be inappropriate. Recently she confided that her husband had cheated on her, and that he had been arrested for theft.

Lunchtime has become less pleasant because this woman seems to have no boundaries. How can I politely let her know that giving too much information about her private life makes me (and other employees) uncomfortable? -- SQUIRMING IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR SQUIRMING: The woman has my sympathy. She is trying to bond with you folks in the only way she knows how. It would not be impolite to take her aside and quietly tell her that it isn't necessary to air her dirty laundry in order to make friends at the company. You will be doing her a favor. Please do it now.

DEAR ABBY: When our grandchildren come to visit, their parents do not discipline them. When our children visited our parents, we made sure they behaved. As a matter of fact, we did it no matter where they went.

What do you do when the parents do not attend to their children? When I served Christmas dinner, they did not insist that their 6-year-old join the family. He was allowed to continue playing videos. How do I let them know there are rules here?

It hurts my feelings when my grandchildren treat my good furniture as a playground. I don't see them often, but I'd rather skip having them in my home and visit them. However, my children rarely offer to host the holidays. What's a person to do? -- CONFUSED GRANDMA IN INDIANA

DEAR CONFUSED: I'd suggest a two-pronged approach. Ask your children to inform the grandkids that when they visit their grandparents there are certain rules of conduct that must be observed -- and that includes sharing mealtime together and not jumping on or off the furniture. And then, if the youngsters don't behave, take them aside and explain that they may act that way in their parents' home, but not in yours because you have rules -- and tell them exactly what kind of behavior you expect from them.

The longer you remain silent, the longer your problem will continue.

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