DEAR ABBY: My beloved husband passed away in early October, leaving a hobby cabinet filled with expensive items. It had never been kept locked. The keys were always left hanging in the lock. The day before the visitation at the funeral home, my son quietly locked the cabinet, pocketed the keys and took them with him. The next day, my husband's brother told me what my son had done and expressed concern about his intentions regarding the contents of the cabinet as well as the expensive hobby items in my husband's workroom.

I was shocked and upset. I felt my son had violated the privacy of my home by locking the cabinet and leaving with the keys. Therefore, I called him and told him I wanted them returned the next day. My son began crying and saying, "Mom, why are you doing this to me?"

I was perplexed then and remain perplexed as to how he thought I was doing anything "to him" inasmuch as it was he who had locked me out of a cabinet in my own home. I felt then, and continue to feel, that I had every right to tell him I wanted the keys back. A few days later, my son told me he was "crushed, CRUSHED!" by my request.

My son's wife is an attorney. She sees nothing wrong with what my son did, and in fact, has criticized me for my remarks about his "secreting the keys from my home."

Please tell me, was I wrong in wanting the keys returned, and was my son wrong in what he did? Also, what do you think of my daughter-in-law's position? This man is my only child, and he is no longer speaking to me! -- DISTRESSED MOM, ORMOND BEACH, FLA.

DEAR DISTRESSED: You were certainly within your rights to ask for the keys to be returned immediately. That your son would take it upon himself to lock a cabinet in your home and take the keys without first checking to see if it was all right with you, was extremely presumptuous.

My reaction to his reaction when you pointed that out to him is, "The best defense is a good offense." In other words, he was attempting to make you feel guilty for calling him on what he had done. As to his wife's position -- there's a country-and-western song title that describes it perfectly: "Stand by Your Man."

You have my sympathy -- first for the loss of your husband, and second for the loss of your illusions about your child. Please, I urge you, do not allow him to emotionally blackmail you. He owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: One of my husband's friends gave me a "white elephant" gift this week. To be specific, it was more like a pink pig gift. That's right -- I got a fuzzy pink pig that snores and says something about eating slop. My husband was given a beautiful leather wallet!

He says I'm being paranoid to think his friend gave me the pig to make fun of me. He says his friend is a prankster, not a critic. I say, how would he like it if we gave his girlfriend a stuffed pig? What do you think about this, Abby? -- FRAN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FRAN: I think that if ever a gift begged to be re-gifted, it's your fuzzy pink pig. Next Christmas, wrap it beautifully and return it to the prankster. Be sure to include a small container of Pepto-Bismol. It's pink, so it will coordinate nicely. Perhaps it will neutralize some of the acid in the man's sense of humor.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, you wrote that only practicing Catholics may receive Communion in a Catholic service. That is not entirely correct, Abby.

Canon law allows members of the Orthodox churches, the Assyrian Church of the East and the Polish National Catholic Church to receive Communion during a Catholic service if they choose to take it. -- CATHOLIC READER IN BOSTON

DEAR READER: Thank you for pointing it out. I suppose it's time to drag out the old wet noodle, because mail poured in from readers pointing out that Communion is a sacrament practiced by many Christian denominations, not just Catholics.

The person whose letter I was answering had written that she was a non-Catholic who, at her Catholic grandfather's funeral in a Catholic church, had been urged by a family friend to approach the altar and take Communion. It was my understanding that only someone who has been to confession -- and is in a "state of grace" -- may partake of Communion in a Catholic church without its being sacrilegious. However, I did not communicate my thought clearly. Mea culpa!

When visiting a house of worship, whether it is Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Bahai, etc., if you want to be absolutely "correct" in your deportment, the wise thing to do is check beforehand with the clergyperson. For questions regarding the rites and sacraments of the Catholic Church, consult the chancery of the local Catholic diocese or archdiocese and someone can provide the correct information.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of months ago, I got a call from an ex-boyfriend's attorney informing me that he had passed away. He said that I'd been left something in "Luke's" will, and told me the date, time and place of the reading. A close friend and I attended.

I was flabbergasted to learn that Luke had left me a ring that had been in his family for years. At the reading, I also found out that he had married and had two sons and a daughter.

My problem: Luke and I dated back when I was 18 and very immature. (I am now 32.) I knew at the time that Luke was head over heels about me, but I was not at all serious about him -- and I let him know it from the beginning. Our relationship ended badly.

I don't believe I deserve this ring. I talked it over with a couple of friends. One says I should keep it because Luke wanted me to have it. Another thinks it would be a good idea to give it to his wife. But she was extremely offended that he left me the ring in the first place. What do you think about this, Abby? And if I do decide to give her the ring, what is the most considerate way to do it? -- UNDESERVING IN ARKANSAS

DEAR UNDESERVING: It would be interesting to know what was going on in your ex-boyfriend's mind when he decided that the ring should go to you. It appears that you always had a piece of his heart that he was never able to reclaim.

Because the item inspires guilt in you instead of pleasure, it might be better if it remains in Luke's family. Feeling as she does about the situation, his wife may not want the ring for herself. However, it would be gracious to offer it back, explaining that because it's a family heirloom, his daughter might like to have it when she's grown.

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DEAR ABBY: As a special education teacher, I have a request for parents of special education students. When you enroll your child at a new school, please inform the school that your child is a special education student.

Many parents follow the urging of their children and don't notify the new school, and this does a great disservice to their children. Schools face consequences for not identifying and servicing special education students correctly. If you and your child are adamant that he or she not be given the extra services for special education students, inform the school and provide documentation that you don't want these services for your child. Please do not leave your children to suffer the frustration of an incorrect educational placement. The schools will work with you and your child to find the best educational option for your child. -- SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHER, OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR TEACHER: I can understand the reluctance of parents not wanting their children to be "labeled." I also understand that children can be cruel, and unwilling to accept children they perceive as "different."

However, the truth remains that not all children are able to learn in the same way. Some children need specialized help because of visual or auditory challenges in order to grasp and absorb their lessons. If they do not get it, they fall further and further behind, become the butt of ridicule among their classmates, become depressed and disruptive, and suffer from low self-esteem from which they may never recover.

I hope that parents of learning-disabled children will take your message to heart, and that your letter will convince them to do what is right for their children -- which, sadly, is often not the "easiest" thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: I am 21, and my sister "Callie" is 23. I'm having a problem with her boyfriend, "Jared." When he comes to our house, he constantly belittles me. He calls me names and makes degrading comments about my intelligence, my weight, and just about anything else you can think of.

Callie is present when Jared makes the majority of the comments, but says nothing. I have told him in no uncertain terms that I don't appreciate the way he speaks to me, and it has reached the point that I don't want to be in the same room with them.

I feel Callie should be the one to tell him he's out of line, but she refuses. She says I'm being "too sensitive," and I should accept Jared because he's a part of her life.

I don't feel I should have to force myself to be polite to someone who obviously has no consideration for my feelings. My family is planning a trip in a few weeks, and I know Callie will want to bring Jared. I don't want to go if he's going to be there, but I don't want to look like the bad guy. What's the best way to tell my family I won't be able to attend the outing this year? -- HURT IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR HURT: You should be entitled to be treated with respect while you're under your own roof. Your sister's boyfriend is a verbal abuser and a bully, and her self-esteem must be very low if she allows him to pick on you without protest.

Rather than telling your folks that you don't want to go on vacation if Jared is there, enlighten them about how he treats you and how it makes you feel. (He may be trying to make you so uncomfortable that you give him lots of alone time with your sister.) It goes without saying that if Jared can't act like a gentleman when he's at your house, he should not accompany your family on vacation.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)