DEAR ABBY: After 23 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, I came home and caught my husband, "Wes," in bed having sex with my brother. It was a shock, to say the least. That evening, they had gone to a bar and drank heavily. Someone gave them a pill of unknown origin. Wes says he doesn't remember anything until I walked in and started slapping some sense into him.

We have stayed together. We haven't made love, however. I can't seem to get the picture out of my head. I feel like my life has been shattered. I love Wes and want us to have a productive life. How can I forget? -- SHATTERED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SHATTERED: One thing is certain, you won't be able to "forget" until you get the whole truth about what happened that night. I find it highly questionable that both your husband and your brother would accept a "magic pill" from a stranger that suddenly rendered two presumably straight men bisexual. The question you should be asking isn't how you can forget, but how long their affair has been going on. You need honest answers, and you also need to understand that you are not alone with this problem.

You and your husband are overdue for marriage counseling, and for your own sanity, please contact the Straight Spouse Network. The members of this unique organization are current or former heterosexual spouses/partners of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates and mixed-orientation couples. They offer, from the vantage point of experience, personal, confidential support and resource information that can help you. The Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.straightspouse.org" ��www.straightspouse.org�. Please don't wait to contact them.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding your reply to the "Confused Bride" who asked if she is obligated to invite her co-workers to her wedding if they gave her a wedding shower at the office, I disagree with your advice. You told her that if co-workers throw a bridal shower, "good manners" dictate they be invited to the wedding.

Abby, at my office we have many wedding showers, and almost all are impromptu affairs a week or two prior to the wedding. How could any bride invite the 20 or so people -- along with guests -- at such a late date? By then all of the final plans have been made. Also, some of the showers at my company are quite large. Not everyone who attends is a close friend of the bride (or groom). Some attend just to sample the cake. -- LESLIE A., MORRISTOWN, N.J.

DEAR LESLIE A.: Your letter is one of many I received from readers who vehemently disagreed with my answer. This should teach me never to disagree with Emily Post -- an important lesson. My advice was well meant, but impractical, so I take it back. Sorry, folks.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: As some of you may already know, March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. The American Cancer Society recommends that if you are 50 or older, it's time to get tested for colon cancer. Why? Because testing saves lives. If you have a family history of colon cancer -- or other risk factors -- talk to your doctor about getting tested at an earlier age.

The American Cancer Society offers a free information kit to help you talk to your doctor about colon cancer testing. Call toll-free: (800) 227-2345, and let them help you stop colon cancer before it starts.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother has eight grandchildren. Four are mine; four are my sister's. One, however, is her obvious favorite. She spares no expense when it comes to my sister's oldest son, "Johnny." She buys him extravagant gifts, praises him constantly, and hands him large sums of money in front of the other children -- often making a big deal out of presenting it to him.

Last Christmas, she insisted that all the children come and sit around Johnny as she presented him with a $100 bill. When we're out together in public, she will say to perfect strangers, in front of all the children, "I love all my grandchildren, but I have special feelings for Johnny. We have a special relationship that I don't have with the others." My children are hurt by her actions and comments.

When the children were younger, I could disguise her favoritism, but as my children have grown older, they are very aware of her feelings and actions. When my sister and I confronted Mother about it, she cried, said she wouldn't listen to such "hateful lies," then stormed from the room. Is there a way to help my mother see what she's doing to our family, or should I just protect my children from her abuse by staying away from her? -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: You and your sister should have formed a united front and put a stop to this years ago. As it stands, your mother has already alienated seven out of her eight grandchildren, and understandably so. If you're asking for my permission to protect your children from your mother's obsession with their cousin, you have it. And your sister should follow your example.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two children ages 7 and 4. In a recent child development class, there was a discussion about sex education for small children. My professor mentioned that if children aren't asking questions about sex, we should initiate talks with our children. She also said that children should have the sex talk by 8 years old. Is this correct?

I can't imagine talking to my children about sex at such an early age. What's the best age to have the sex talk, and is there a limit on how much we should talk about? -- SYLVIA IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SYLVIA: Much depends upon the level of maturity of the child, which can vary from individual to individual. Parents should certainly use correct terminology when talking about body parts. It's best to arm children with knowledge before their hormones kick in. I agree with your professor that by age 8 or 9, some discussion of puberty should be introduced. If you wait much longer, your children will hear "the facts" from their friends instead of from you, and too often, the information they receive from peers is incorrect.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I found out that I am biologically unable to father a child. My wife and I looked into several options and chose to go with an anonymous donor.

How would you suggest I handle comments like, "That baby looks just like you," or "She has your eyes." Because our baby will be a girl, I was thinking of something like, "I hope not -- she'll never get a date looking like me." Any other suggestions? -- FATHER-TO-BE

DEAR FATHER-TO-BE: When someone comments that the baby resembles you, stick with the tried-and-true. Smile and say, "Thank you!" It's all that's required from any proud papa.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Russell" and I have been living together for two years. (We met three years ago.) The problem is his "best friend," "Whitney." I didn't have a problem with her until last October. They have been e-mailing back and forth, and I have discovered some things in those e-mails I'm not comfortable with.

Russell uses my pet names with Whitney and says he would be "lost" without her and that he "loves" her. Whitney constantly has one crisis after another and needs to come over, even if she knows it's the only day Russell and I have off together. I have confronted him about this without confessing that I read his e-mails. He insists that he loves Whitney like "the sister he never had." But when she talks about her new boyfriends, he seems upset. And when she leaves from her visits, he gets depressed.

Russell and Whitney dated back when they were teens, and she insists he's like a brother. I just find it odd that if she calls and wants to come over, he'll drop any plans we have. I also find it odd that he tells her he loves her so often. I feel like I'm being replaced.

I know they aren't having sex, but their e-mails suggest that he's cheating on me emotionally. I love Russell and don't want to lose him, but I can't handle this anymore. We have talked about this over and over. Russell insists that he loves me and doesn't want to break up. However, I read an e-mail in which he said, "... even if I wanted to break up with her, I couldn't financially." That about killed me. Please help me. -- DEVASTATED IN IOWA

DEAR DEVASTATED: It appears Whitney is carrying a torch for Russell, and he has a soft spot for her, too. That he changes plans with you when she needs to lean on him, and gets depressed when she leaves, is not encouraging. However, that he uses the same pet names for you both could simply indicate a lack of imagination.

My advice is to stop hiding the fact that you have seen the e-mails and clear the air. I am willing to bet that the e-mail from which you quoted was in reply to Whitney's question, "Why don't you break up with her?" His answer indicated that he didn't want to end your relationship. Make the e-mail Exhibit A, tell him you "snooped" because you feel threatened, and then cross your fingers. Russell's response will tell you where you -- and your relationship -- stand with him.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to you to alert your readers to ALWAYS check their prescriptions while they are picking them up at the pharmacy. I was given two new prescriptions today. I had already taken one twice when I discovered that the pills in both bottles were the same.

I immediately called the pharmacy and was told that a new pharmacist had made a mistake. Not knowing what the pills were supposed to look like, I never questioned that the prescriptions were correct. I am grateful that it was "only" the anti-inflammatory drug that got mixed up. The second prescription was a muscle relaxant.

Some pharmacies print (much too small) the type and quantity of the pills on the label. But to be on the safe side, always open and check the contents of your pill container while you are at the pharmacy. -- NATALIE IN MECHANICSBURG, PA.

DEAR NATALIE: I'm pleased to pass along your reminder, because I have had a similar experience. It never hurts to check, and the optimum time to do it is when you receive your prescription.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)