DEAR ABBY: I am writing regarding your answer to "Julie in Spring, Texas," who asked you when parents should stop using baby talk with their children. I disagree with you. She said her son had just turned 3! He is still a baby. Many children are still in diapers at that age. Let the mother enjoy her young son while she still has the time. -- LINDA T., CLEARWATER, FLA.

DEAR LINDA T.: Intelligent minds may disagree. But according to the mail I received regarding that letter, you are in the minority. I stand by my reply. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My advice as a pediatrician is to stop baby talk the day the baby is born -- that is to say, never start!

Babies learn at a surprisingly early age to assimilate what they hear into their later speech patterns; they learn to "talk" what they hear, and "baby talk" is not the language we want them to use. Yes, talk softly, talk sweetly, sing to your baby -- but use the words of proper language. -- LEE BERNSTEIN, M.D., LAS VEGAS, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: As a retired public school speech therapist, allow me to respond to "Julie's" question. Language development is one of the most important aspects of a child's life. A child begins to acquire language almost as soon as he starts hearing it. Vocabulary is not the only component of speech. Inflection, tone, grammar, etc. contribute to a person's ability to communicate effectively. Talking "baby talk" to an infant can delay the process of language development. Vocabulary should be age-appropriate but still within acceptable speech patterns. -- LILLIAN A., N. MIAMI BEACH

DEAR ABBY: When our daughter was born, my husband and I agreed there would be no baby talk. When my maternity leave was over and we put her in day care, I asked the providers not to use baby talk with her. I wanted her to grasp how words sounded and use them correctly.

She turned 3 last month, and can use the words "decide" and "separate" correctly. She knew her ABCs by 18 months and can count to 10 in English and Spanish, and on to 20 only in English. She is very articulate, and most people think she is at least 5. Please urge that mother to use "big boy/girl" words with her child. It will help her child to articulate what he/she wants to say, and everyone will understand what the child is trying to communicate. -- JEANNE J., CRESTVIEW, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: Research has shown that children who are spoken to as "adults," using complete sentences, not only learn faster, but have a better comprehension of the English language than children whose parents use baby talk. Studies have also shown that children who are read to, even before birth, also develop more rapidly. -- JUSTIN F., AMERICAN MILITARY (DEPLOYED)

DEAR ABBY: Because my dad and stepmother used baby talk with my 8-year-old brother for so long, he is now in speech therapy to learn proper English. He still uses phrases like "Me love you" because they thought it was "cute" and never corrected him. Using baby talk is a disservice to a child. Speaking to children correctly helps them become credible later in life. -- JULIA IN OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine once retorted to a woman in a restaurant who asked her if she always spoke to her child like he was a rocket scientist, "Of course! How else can I expect him to grow up to be one?" -- PLAIN-SPEAKING FATHER OF FOUR IN MINNESOTA

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After 23 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, I came home and caught my husband, "Wes," in bed having sex with my brother. It was a shock, to say the least. That evening, they had gone to a bar and drank heavily. Someone gave them a pill of unknown origin. Wes says he doesn't remember anything until I walked in and started slapping some sense into him.

We have stayed together. We haven't made love, however. I can't seem to get the picture out of my head. I feel like my life has been shattered. I love Wes and want us to have a productive life. How can I forget? -- SHATTERED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SHATTERED: One thing is certain, you won't be able to "forget" until you get the whole truth about what happened that night. I find it highly questionable that both your husband and your brother would accept a "magic pill" from a stranger that suddenly rendered two presumably straight men bisexual. The question you should be asking isn't how you can forget, but how long their affair has been going on. You need honest answers, and you also need to understand that you are not alone with this problem.

You and your husband are overdue for marriage counseling, and for your own sanity, please contact the Straight Spouse Network. The members of this unique organization are current or former heterosexual spouses/partners of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates and mixed-orientation couples. They offer, from the vantage point of experience, personal, confidential support and resource information that can help you. The Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.straightspouse.org" ��www.straightspouse.org�. Please don't wait to contact them.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding your reply to the "Confused Bride" who asked if she is obligated to invite her co-workers to her wedding if they gave her a wedding shower at the office, I disagree with your advice. You told her that if co-workers throw a bridal shower, "good manners" dictate they be invited to the wedding.

Abby, at my office we have many wedding showers, and almost all are impromptu affairs a week or two prior to the wedding. How could any bride invite the 20 or so people -- along with guests -- at such a late date? By then all of the final plans have been made. Also, some of the showers at my company are quite large. Not everyone who attends is a close friend of the bride (or groom). Some attend just to sample the cake. -- LESLIE A., MORRISTOWN, N.J.

DEAR LESLIE A.: Your letter is one of many I received from readers who vehemently disagreed with my answer. This should teach me never to disagree with Emily Post -- an important lesson. My advice was well meant, but impractical, so I take it back. Sorry, folks.

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The American Cancer Society offers a free information kit to help you talk to your doctor about colon cancer testing. Call toll-free: (800) 227-2345, and let them help you stop colon cancer before it starts.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother has eight grandchildren. Four are mine; four are my sister's. One, however, is her obvious favorite. She spares no expense when it comes to my sister's oldest son, "Johnny." She buys him extravagant gifts, praises him constantly, and hands him large sums of money in front of the other children -- often making a big deal out of presenting it to him.

Last Christmas, she insisted that all the children come and sit around Johnny as she presented him with a $100 bill. When we're out together in public, she will say to perfect strangers, in front of all the children, "I love all my grandchildren, but I have special feelings for Johnny. We have a special relationship that I don't have with the others." My children are hurt by her actions and comments.

When the children were younger, I could disguise her favoritism, but as my children have grown older, they are very aware of her feelings and actions. When my sister and I confronted Mother about it, she cried, said she wouldn't listen to such "hateful lies," then stormed from the room. Is there a way to help my mother see what she's doing to our family, or should I just protect my children from her abuse by staying away from her? -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR MOM: You and your sister should have formed a united front and put a stop to this years ago. As it stands, your mother has already alienated seven out of her eight grandchildren, and understandably so. If you're asking for my permission to protect your children from your mother's obsession with their cousin, you have it. And your sister should follow your example.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of two children ages 7 and 4. In a recent child development class, there was a discussion about sex education for small children. My professor mentioned that if children aren't asking questions about sex, we should initiate talks with our children. She also said that children should have the sex talk by 8 years old. Is this correct?

I can't imagine talking to my children about sex at such an early age. What's the best age to have the sex talk, and is there a limit on how much we should talk about? -- SYLVIA IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SYLVIA: Much depends upon the level of maturity of the child, which can vary from individual to individual. Parents should certainly use correct terminology when talking about body parts. It's best to arm children with knowledge before their hormones kick in. I agree with your professor that by age 8 or 9, some discussion of puberty should be introduced. If you wait much longer, your children will hear "the facts" from their friends instead of from you, and too often, the information they receive from peers is incorrect.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I found out that I am biologically unable to father a child. My wife and I looked into several options and chose to go with an anonymous donor.

How would you suggest I handle comments like, "That baby looks just like you," or "She has your eyes." Because our baby will be a girl, I was thinking of something like, "I hope not -- she'll never get a date looking like me." Any other suggestions? -- FATHER-TO-BE

DEAR FATHER-TO-BE: When someone comments that the baby resembles you, stick with the tried-and-true. Smile and say, "Thank you!" It's all that's required from any proud papa.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)