DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Rita," and I have been together almost two years, and living together for about a year. We have decided to marry, but have not yet set a date.

Recently our marriage plans have run aground because I told her that I had made changes in my estate planning. I assigned Rita as my 100 percent beneficiary for my savings/retirement benefits. She will also get 75 percent of my state retirement benefits; my sister will get the other 25 percent. In addition, I also had my $100,000 life insurance policy increased to $300,000. I allocated one-third of that for her, the rest to my parents. (Until recently, she had not been assigned a percentage of anything.)

Rita is very upset that I did not make her my sole beneficiary. She says that "traditionally," a spouse leaves everything to the other spouse. She says that by assigning her less than 100 percent, I have not made her the No. 1 priority in my life. Based on your knowledge and experience, is her request reasonable, or am I headed for disaster? -- GETTING WORRIED IN RANCHO MURRIETA, CALIF.

DEAR GETTING WORRIED: Let me put it this way. You should not be faulted for wanting to make sure that your parents and your sister are taken care of if anything should happen to you. It appears your girlfriend has a calculator where her heart ought to be. If I were you, I'd run for the hills.

DEAR ABBY: A close friend of mine -- my college roommate -- is being married in three months. Because we are close, he asked me to be one of his groomsmen.

The problem is, I do not approve of the woman he is marrying. She's controlling, talks down to him, and degrades him in front of family and friends. I think she is just plain cold-hearted. She is the same way with friends and family. He makes excuses for her behavior, so I know he sees it as well.

Should I still stand up in his wedding, even though I don't think they should be married? If I don't, it is sure to put extreme stress on our friendship. I have tried to talk to him, but he doesn't seem to hear me. Help! -- RED FLAGS IN OHIO

DEAR RED FLAGS: It takes character to take a stand and do what is right. Being a member of the wedding party implies that you endorse the marriage. Because you cannot do that, you need to level with your friend, and explain that because you care so much for him and his future, you cannot be in his wedding. Do it soon, so you can be replaced without a hassle.

DEAR ABBY: When taking advantage of a restaurant's offer of "buy one meal, get one free," what is the proper way to calculate the tip? Should a percentage be calculated on the price of the first meal only, for which the diners are actually billed, or for the value of the two meals combined? Also, what is the current tip percentage for adequate service? (A free dinner is riding on your answer!) -- STUCK FOR THE TIP

DEAR STUCK: The current tip percentage for "adequate" service in a restaurant is 15 percent. And, when taking advantage of the "buy one, get one free" offer, you should calculate the tip as though you had actually paid for the two meals. (It's called not stiffing the server.)

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have an acquaintance who calls me by the wrong first name, and I don't know how to correct him without embarrassing both of us. We both grew up in the same town, although we didn't know each other back then. He became a doctor and moved to northern California. Our mothers know each other, but his mother is now in a nursing home and can't communicate.

When I first looked him up, I introduced myself. Since then, he has been calling me George. (My name is Jim.) Most of the time I see him at the weight room at the health club, and he greets me with a big, "Hello, George!" I thought about correcting him, but he can't hear me because he has earphones on.

Sometimes we'll cross paths in the locker room and he'll say, "How's it going, George?" and keeps on walking. I don't think it would be cool to open his shower door and correct him. How can I solve this embarrassing problem? -- JIM AT THE GYM

DEAR JIM: Your mistake was in not correcting him immediately. Unless being called by the wrong name is "george" with you, open the shower door and correct the man. I guarantee that if you do it once, he won't get your name wrong again.

DEAR ABBY: A guy in our office forwards corny e-mails to me and others. But as soon as he sends them, he enters our offices and asks if we read the e-mail he just forwarded. If we say no, he says, "Well, go ahead and open it." Then he hovers over our shoulders until it's opened and read. If we are in the hallway or a conference room after he e-mails it, he comes to find us. Then he follows us back into our offices and watches while we read it. Sometimes he will even read it aloud, as if we can't read.

In the rare cases that the e-mail might actually be funny, his interruption and hovering ruins any enjoyment the e-mail might otherwise provide. All I can do is offer an insincere snicker, while I feel uncomfortable about the content and his hovering.

How can we get him to cut it out? -- TRAPPED IN MARYVILLE, TENN.

DEAR TRAPPED: You have described someone who is socially inept and hungry for company. It's sad, really. But the most logical way to deal with it is to be "too busy" to be interrupted. Be pleasant, but firm, and tell him that you'll look at what he sent "when time permits." And don't take no for an answer.

DEAR ABBY: I was engaged three years ago, and shortly before the wedding my fiance called it off. My bridesmaids had all purchased their dresses.

I plan to be married this year and will use the same bridesmaid dresses. However, I am no longer as close to a couple of the bridesmaids as I was then. Since they have already purchased the dresses, am I obligated to ask them to be in this wedding? What would be proper? -- MAKING MY PLANS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR MAKING PLANS: The proper thing to do would be to ask the women who bought the dresses to be in the wedding, or offer to buy the dresses from them, and select bridesmaids who wear their size. (Hint: You'll make fewer enemies if you use the original cast.)

DEAR ABBY: My family lives in a three-bedroom house, and my parents share the largest bedroom. I am 15, my sister is 11 and my brother is 7. The two other bedrooms are the same size. Should I share a bedroom with my brother, or should my sister share one with him? -- STEVEN IN OHIO

DEAR STEVEN: Because two of you must "double up," you should share a bedroom with your brother.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a deputy sheriff. Last week, I was in a department store outside my jurisdiction and overheard a conversation between two of the clerks. One of them had her car broken into the night before, and several valuable items and her house key had been stolen. This woman said she didn't call the police because there was nothing they could do.

I identified myself as a deputy and told her she should contact her police department immediately for the following reasons:

(1) She was a victim of a crime. Her house key was taken by someone who had already demonstrated that he or she was a criminal. If the perpetrator came back and robbed her house, or worse yet, harmed her, the police would have more to go on to solve that crime. (I also advised her to have her locks changed immediately.)

(2) Her car may not have been the only one broken into. If a pattern was developing, the police could increase patrols in her area. But they couldn't know to do it if the incident went unreported.

(3) In the course of serving search warrants or making other arrests, we often find property that obviously doesn't belong to the suspect. (After all, who owns multiple TV sets, stereos, DVD players, digital cameras, etc.?) But if nobody reports a theft, we have no way of knowing whose property it is. Without that knowledge, we can't return property to its rightful owner, nor can we charge the suspect with additional crimes.

(4) Suspects often pawn what they steal. Our detectives regularly check pawn shops for items that have been reported stolen and can recover them for the owner as well as pay a visit to whoever sold them. Many crimes have been solved in this manner.

Please, Abby, urge your readers to report all crimes of which they are victims. Even if it appears the police are taking little action, they are, in fact, doing far more than is readily apparent. -- DEPUTY PETER N. SPAGNOLO, PAYETTE, IDAHO

DEAR DEPUTY SPAGNOLO: Your message is important, and I'm printing your letter as written with no editing. Although there is no guarantee that anyone won't become a crime victim, we do not have to take it in silence. As my third-grade teacher used to say, "The policeman is your friend." If we do not report a crime when one has been committed, then the bad guys have already won.

DEAR ABBY: I am 22 and the mother of four beautiful children, ages 3 and under. Recently, my husband confessed that he's had several affairs while I was pregnant with our last daughter. I thought I could get over it, but it's difficult because he gave me an STD.

He thinks I should forgive him and forget it. We are separated now because of this, and he wants to come home. I keep saying no because he hurt me so badly. I have started divorce proceedings, but some of my family think it's a mistake. They think because we have four kids that I need to try to work things out with him.

I know I'll never be able to trust him again or forgive him. Every flare-up is a reminder. What would you do if you were me? -- STAY OR LEAVE IN MISSOURI

DEAR STAY OR LEAVE: I'd shelve the divorce for a while and see if intensive marriage counseling could help to overcome your anger and disappointment. Please understand that other couples have made it past a crisis like the one you are experiencing. Your husband made a huge mistake, but he obviously wants to make amends. Only if counseling didn't work would I end the marriage.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)