DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old male. Ever since I was in middle school, I have been dealing with the possibility that I might be a homosexual. Today I no longer think it's a "possibility." I know it's a fact.

For years, not a day has gone by that I have not had homosexual thoughts and urges. I have dated a few females to try to "change," but those attempts have been unsuccessful.

I am depressed, confused and angry with myself. I am becoming reclusive. I have withdrawn from most of my classes in college, and I don't want to socialize with people. Sometimes I think my life is over before it ever began.

I come from a religious family in south Georgia who believe that homosexuality is a sin and God will punish gays. In my part of the country, homophobia is everywhere. If I ever told anyone what I am feeling, I could never show my face around here again.

I keep asking myself whether or not my life would be better if I told people that I am a homosexual. I am beginning to believe that if I come out, my life would be better. I'd do it now, but I couldn't stand that my family would be disappointed with me -- and I don't want to lose what friends I have left. I also can't bear the thought that my religious community would condemn me. What would you do if you were in my situation? -- CONFUSED IN GEORGIA

DEAR CONFUSED: If I were you, I'd accept that my life wasn't working and I'd probably come out. However, I am NOT you. If you come out to your family and friends, it's important that you understand that you will change. It will be better, but it will also be different. How close can any of these people really be to you if they don't know who you are?

Before making up your mind, I urge you to go online to www.lgbtcenters.org and locate some gay and lesbian centers where you can get counseling. (Atlanta might be a good place to start.) You can't hide forever. With emotional support, taking such a big step will be easier.

P.S. Eventually it might be better if you move to a more diverse community to complete your education and begin your new life.

DEAR ABBY: I have a delicate problem concerning my daughter-in-law, "Sheila," and my 1-year-old grandson, "Cary." I consider Sheila to be an unfit mother. Her house is filthy, including the kitchen. She allows Cary to eat cat food when he crawls around on the dirty floors.

Sheila has been giving Cary various medications since he was only a week old. When he would cry, she would give him drops to relieve "the gas." Next, it was a gel for his teething ailments when he was only 3 months old -- she still gives it to him three times a day. She has also been giving him Tylenol every day "to help him sleep."

Abby, our grandson is beginning to look a bit yellow, and we're afraid he may have some liver damage. We're afraid to speak out because we don't want to cause a rift in the family. I have considered writing a letter to his pediatrician, but I'm not sure it would be taken seriously. What can we do? -- WORRIED SICK IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORRIED SICK: You are justifiably concerned about your grandson's safety and welfare, so pick up the phone and call Childhelp USA. All calls are confidential, and your anonymity will be preserved. The number to call is (800) 422-4453. It's a 24-hour toll-free helpline, and the people who man those phones can help you report what's happening to the proper authorities in your state. You may also log on to www.childhelpusa.org.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: One evening as I was preparing dinner, my teenage son, Allen, came to me and asked whether or not he should check "yes" to organ donation on his driver's license. I was shocked and unprepared to address the subject, but he persisted, saying, "If I don't need my organs, Mom, and they can help someone else -- why not?"

One year later, our beloved 17-year-old son suffered a traumatic brain injury in an automobile accident. As his father and I sat by his side, it became clear that Allen's life was to be no more. Brokenhearted, we desperately searched for guidance to somehow extend his time with us. But Allen had already given us the answer -- that evening discussion as I was preparing dinner.

Our son became a true hero the next day, when he donated the gift of a kidney/pancreas to a 29-year-old father of three boys. His left kidney, heart, liver, intestine and corneas went to other people in need of the "gift of life." Allen's love lives forever in our hearts, and his circle of life continues within the lives of those he saved.

This summer, I will see firsthand the power of Allen's gift of life as I join his kidney/pancreas recipient and thousands of others at the Olympic-style National Kidney Foundation U.S. Transplant Games, where he will celebrate and pay tribute to the gift of life.

April is National Donate Life month. In the spirit of love, I am thankful for Allen, the wonders of transplantation and the miracle of life. -- ALLEN'S MOM, AKA JEAN JANOHOSKY, MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR JEAN: Your letter touched my heart. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your son, and my admiration for your courage and determination to see that his wishes were carried out.

Readers, I encourage all of you to talk to your loved ones, listen to them, and say "yes" to giving the "gift of life." It is a way to ensure that a part of our loved ones lives on, and to improve the quality of life for people -- many of whom have been suffering for years, waiting and praying for an organ.

For more information, call the National Kidney Foundation's toll-free number at (800) 622-9010, or go to � HYPERLINK "http://www.kidney.org" ��www.kidney.org�. And if you could use a "lift," mark your calendar and consider attending the Olympic-style Transplant Games, which are being held in Louisville, Ky., between June 16 and 21. In a very real sense, these games are competitions where EVERYONE is a winner.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school with no life. I'm not a bad-looking guy, although I'm a little short and skinny for my age, at 5-feet-7 and 110 pounds. I know I'm young and when I get older I'll find someone, but it's hard never having had a girlfriend during your entire high school years. I have never felt that joy of the first kiss or had a real date.

Prom is coming up soon, and it seems that most likely I'll either be going solo or, like last year, not at all. Any advice for me? -- LONELY SENIOR IN GEORGIA

DEAR SENIOR: OK, you don't have a girl you're romantic about. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can invite? Someone you know outside of school? How about asking a freshman, sophomore or junior? (When an underclassman is invited to the prom by a senior, it is very flattering.) I can't guarantee you'll have the "joy of the first kiss," but there's no reason why you won't have a good time -- particularly if you are with someone you're comfortable being around.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I own my own home. My mother lives with me. I cannot understand why she makes up the most fantastic, whopping lies. Mother tells people that I live with her and she pays all the bills. Abby, I pay the bills, and I'm left with pocket change at the end of the month because her spending sprees keep me financially strapped.

She also has to be the center of attention. She'll go to any length to keep the spotlight on herself, even if it means making me look like a complete idiot.

If I do anything that earns acknowledgment or recognition, Mother tells these people that she instructed me, or suggested the work, or had a lot to do with the project.

Is her behavior a form of jealousy, rivalry or downright meanness? Is the attention so important to her that she must embarrass me or make me look like I'm living off her when the reverse has been true for the last 20 years? What makes my mother have to do this to me? -- PUZZLED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR PUZZLED: People lie for various reasons. Some lie because they are ashamed to tell the truth; others lie to make themselves seem more important. Your mother may do it because she's competitive with you, but it's more likely she's a compulsive liar. A therapist might help you pinpoint her rationale, but I cannot without knowing her. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 20s and the man I date is in his late 30s. He has children by his first wife, from whom he has been divorced nearly six years. Although we have dated casually for a couple of years, our conversations recently have turned to serious topics -- like possibly marrying and having children.

I will be meeting his kids soon and would appreciate any suggestions you can offer in relating to them. I'm college-educated, independent, stable, and have a successful career. But his is a situation I have never confronted before. He has mentioned the possibility of introducing me to his children before, but this is the first time I have agreed. This is my first experience with children. He has two sons, 14 and 15, and a daughter who will be 13 in February. Help! -- PANICKED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR PANICKED: Calm down and discuss your qualms with your boyfriend. Ask what kinds of things his children are interested in, then do a little reading up so you can ask intelligent questions. I have found that when people show a sincere interest in the interests of others, it makes them more attractive to be around. Remember, it's OK not to know everything. In fact, his children may feel they have more to contribute if you don't. And above all, relax and be yourself. (That's the person they're going to have to get to know, anyway.) This isn't an Academy Award performance -- so play it cool, don't try too hard, and I'm sure you'll be a hit. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: After a recent trip to see my father and his wife (my parents have been divorced for eight years), my stepmother left a message on my answering machine that said, "It's Mom and Dad calling to see if you got home OK."

Abby, I barely know this woman and certainly have never called her anything but her first name. How should I deal with this sudden and unexpected change in her? -- OFFENDED IN N.Y.

DEAR OFFENDED: If the woman didn't like you, she wouldn't have left the message she did, which appears to be a warm one. If I were you, I wouldn't make waves. Address her as you always have and let her call herself whatever she likes.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)