DEAR ABBY: Last night I saw my brother-in-law hit my 1-year-old niece. It was horrible. I confronted him, and he and my sister are going to get counseling. He says he "made a mistake," but that he also believes it is "OK to swat a child."

I am so upset. I used to think the world of my brother-in-law, but now he seems like an ignorant bully to me. I am hoping he will learn better parenting, and that everything will turn out all right. I'm around a lot, and the children are seldom alone with him. What can I do while I wait to see if counseling is effective? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: You can suggest that your sister and brother-in-law could also benefit from taking a parenting class and reading some books on child development. Sometimes adults hit children because they have unrealistic expectations about what they "should" be able to do at a certain age. They also do it because they lose their patience.

One-year-olds do not always have the ability to control their emotions and behavior. It is up to the parents to set an example -- to model good behavior -- and hitting sets a poor one. Parenting classes offer valuable insights and suggestions to new parents. To find one, check with a pediatrician, your local high school or community college, or your health plan.

DEAR ABBY: "Book Lover in Pennsylvania" described the frustration of loaning books to friends and never getting them back.

I, too, am a book lover. Some of my books are old friends that have remained on my shelves for years. Periodically, I take them down and reread them. As I have matured, I understand things the author was saying that I did not upon the first reading.

Because many of these books are out of print and irreplaceable, I have designed a bookmark that I print myself on card stock. At the top, I list the title, author, loan date, who I loaned the book to, and the person's phone number.

When I lend a book to someone, I cut off the top portion of the bookmark and fill it out in the presence of the borrower. I keep the top portion taped to my desk calendar, and when a reasonable amount of time has elapsed, if the book has not been returned, I'll telephone. Or, I'll stop by the person's home, ring the doorbell and say politely, "Hi, I've come to collect the book you borrowed." So far, it has worked for me.

If you print my letter, please keep me anonymous. Sign me ... P.L.S. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR P.L.S.: That's a clever solution to a touchy problem. Thank you for sharing it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years. We're happy together, but if I bring up the subject of marriage, he reminds me that he's from India and told me from the beginning that we couldn't marry. We have tried to separate, but couldn't even make it a month apart. We love each other more than we ever thought we could.

Do you think he is just scared of commitment, or doesn't he want to marry me? I love him, but I'm tired of waiting, and I don't want to be someone's lifetime girlfriend. -- LOVESICK DOWN SOUTH

DEAR LOVESICK: Give your boyfriend credit for honesty. He hasn't misled you. He may come from a conservative, traditional Indian family that expects to arrange a "suitable" marriage for him to a woman from his own culture.

After seven years, you can't be blamed for wanting a commitment, so it's time to bite the bullet, lay your cards on the table and end the romance if you must.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: A Happy Passover, one and all!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I must respond to the letters you printed directing parents not to use "baby talk" with their infants. Some of the writers suggested that research shows that "baby talk" is harmful to a child's language development -- and that is patently false. I am a developmental psychologist and teach about the concept of baby talk as infant-directed speech, so let me clear up what seems to be a misunderstanding.

What research actually shows is that infant-directed speech (which is high-pitched, sing-song, repetitive and drawn out) is the type of speech that infants in their first year of life not only hear better but also the language to which they are most responsive. In the first year, speaking to infants in a way that gets a response is far more important than using "proper" adult grammar and words. It's not so much what parents say as that they say anything at all. So please, encourage parents to use "baby talk" with their infants all they wish in the first year.

Using "baby talk" beyond one year is probably not the best idea, but it's less worrisome than some of your letter writers seem to think. -- DR. SAUNDRA K. CICCARELLI, PANAMA CITY, FLA.

DEAR DR. CICCARELLI: Thank you for the professional input, but from the mail I have received since that column ran, I must say that "Abby-wabby" now knows there's no consensus on this subject. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As the mother of three gifted children and a speech/language pathologist, my advice is to stop the baby talk immediately! My children were spoken to in complete sentences and with normal intonation from the time they were born. My son spoke in complete sentences at 10 months. He was a spontaneous reader at 2, and began college at the ripe old age of 14. My 18-year-old daughter is a junior in college. Talking "baby talk" to children can retard their language development. -- DEBRA G., BEAUMONT, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: As a language teacher, I know the natural importance of baby talk. All languages have a form of "baby talk," and it all serves the same purpose: to help a child form its language patterns. Just because some parents foolishly continue the use of baby talk long after its required time is no reason to "throw out the baby talk with the bathwater!" And language such as "Me talk pretty" and "Me go home" are NOT examples of baby talk. They are just poor uses of English grammar. -- ROBERT RAYMOND, MISSISSIPPI STATE UNIVERSITY

DEAR ABBY: I am a speech/language pathologist and believe that baby talk should never, ever be considered. If you choose to "baby talk," you place your child at risk academically and socially. The ramifications are tremendous and long-lasting. I recommend modeling and using verbally descriptive and inquisitive language that is age-appropriate. Your child will reap the benefits. -- CONCERNED IN THE CENTRAL COAST

DEAR ABBY: Many young parents now teach their babies sign language, starting as newborns, helping them communicate before they learn the spoken word. By about 9 months, the child gets the concept and soon learns how to "sign" words such as "more," "help," "milk," "sorry" and "thank you." The child is happier because his/her needs are communicated without frustration.

Both of my grandsons have learned to sign, and recently I was tickling my 14-month-old grandson, trying to get him to smile. He looked at his mother and signed "help" and "all through"! Pretty clever putting two thoughts together to tell his mom to get Grammy to back off, huh? -- PROUD GRAMMY IN SANTA BARBARA

DEAR PROUD GRAMMY: I'm sure he had a few other thoughts to offer, but fortunately he didn't have the vocabulary!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My darling and I were married six weeks ago. His lawyer told him that his divorce from his first wife was final, and he was just waiting for the papers to come back, so we went ahead and got married.

Now it turns out the lawyer did not even submit the papers to the judge until a couple of days ago! What do I do? Who do I talk to? We want to be remarried as soon as possible. Does the marriage need to be voided through the courthouse, or can we just redo the ceremony? I have no clue even where to begin.

I cannot ask his lawyer because the last time we did, he said he would "take care of it." I no longer trust him. I think he is just telling us what he thinks we want to hear. -- MARRIED? IN ARKANSAS

DEAR MARRIED?: You are right not to trust him. Your "husband's" lawyer could be guilty of malpractice. He has turned the man you "married" from a law-abiding citizen into a bigamist.

The place to begin is your state bar association. Contact it and request a referral to an attorney who's on the up-and-up. I'm sure the association will be glad to provide one -- and to know that one of its members is a disgrace to the profession. Please don't wait; do it now.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 17 years. Over the past 13 of them, my husband, "Sam," has had 15 different jobs, and he's currently unemployed again. Every time we almost dig our way out of debt, he picks a fight with management.

In 2004, Sam had four jobs in one year. I have no more nest egg left. Our credit score is a shambles.

Sam's biggest concern has always been his golf game. We have a 15-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter. They are hurt and embarrassed by our financial condition. I have a good job, but I have a heart condition that could disable me at any time.

Why on earth would a 41-year-old man not care about his family enough to make a living for them? Should I leave Sam to prove a point? Every time I try to leave, he threatens suicide. -- RUNNING IN CIRCLES IN ARIZONA

DEAR RUNNING IN CIRCLES: Since I don't know your husband, I can't offer an explanation regarding why he started his golfing holiday instead of continuing to work -- right at the time your children started arriving. Should you leave him? I think so, because the stress of supporting three "children" could explain the reason for your heart condition. As to his threats of suicide, they are classic examples of emotional blackmail. I'm sure if you go -- if only for a while -- you'll be amazed at the strength of his survival instinct once he's off the gravy train.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman in my 20s and would like to know a good way to decline a man's request for my telephone number at a party or social situation. I'm not crazy about saying that I don't give out my number, because the truth is, if I was interested in the guy, I would give it to him. Too often I end up giving my number and then feeling guilty when screening my calls and not returning his.

Please don't tell me I should "give the guy a chance" -- some of these men are 20-plus years older than I am. -- SCREENING MY CALLS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SCREENING: It's not hard to refuse to give out your phone number. When someone says, "May I have it?" all you have to say is, "Why don't you give me yours?" Then you can follow up -- or not. It's a tried-and-true technique men have practiced for years.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)