DEAR ABBY: "Bride-to-Be" asked if it was common or proper to wear her wedding gown to the airport or on a plane. You advised her that it was impractical, but there's no law against it. By that, I assume your intention was to say that no rule of etiquette specifically forbids it, rather than a criminal statute.

One of the most basic rules of etiquette is that people dress appropriately for their environment. What reason could a person possibly have for wanting to do such a thing except that she is hoping to coerce every casual stranger who crosses her path into having to offer congratulations and ask the obvious questions so that she can extend her fantasy that the entire world revolves around her wedding? To me, this sounds not only improper but self-absorbed. -- JESSICA IN HOUSTON

DEAR JESSICA: Most of my readers who chose to comment on that letter agreed I was right to discourage the bride-to-be. But not all of them did. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I was married, I kept my gown on, even though we were going to Disneyland after the ceremony. It created some of the most memorable moments of the day. Little girls and tourists wanted pictures of my new husband and me, and I got to wear the most expensive and beautiful dress I will ever own for a full day. Carpe diem! Have no regrets. It's her day; let her do what makes her happy. -- JANELLE IN VALENCIA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to share what occurred while I was part of the crew on a flight from LAX to Miami. We were all delighted when a young bride and groom in full wedding regalia boarded our aircraft. Unfortunately, we lost an engine on takeoff and had to return to LAX, where the passengers and crew waited three hours before another plane was available. By the time we took off again, the bride and groom were more than ready to don something comfortable for the five-hour flight, but their luggage had been checked!

I would advise the bride to bring along a carry-on with a change of clothes should the unexpected occur. The couple on my flight got more than their money's worth out of their formal wear. -- JANE IN MANDEVILLE, LA.

DEAR ABBY: Leaving for my honeymoon last summer, I wore a white baseball cap with a short veil attached so everyone would know I was just married. It paid off with upgrades to first class on our flight, complimentary champagne and many other "perks." Tell that bride-to-be there is an alternative to show that she's just married, and she should preserve her sacred wedding gown for her daughter. -- STARR IN SANTA CRUZ, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I just saw the question from the bride-to-be. Please remind her and your readers that it is unsafe to wear anything that bulky -- and perhaps not even comfortable -- on an airplane. If there was an accident or even a crash landing, she could become a liability to her husband and the other passengers -- from catching on fire to getting tangled in the slide to tripping in a dark aisle. This is the reason travelers are advised not to wear clothing made of synthetic material on an airplane. -- PRACTICAL IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: Tell that bride to call a designer today! I once saw the most wonderful wedding dress, and it could be the perfect solution for her. It was in two pieces, with a full skirt that came off, revealing a beautiful short cocktail dress. Ingenious! The bride said she wore it to dinner several times during her honeymoon. -- AN OLD BRIDE IN SAN RAMON

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DEAR ABBY: I have worked in the construction trade for many years. It's common practice to shake someone's hand when you are introduced, or when you see that person again. Now, after years of working in the field, I'm working in the office, taking care of business for the men.

Abby, when they come into the office or I see them gathered outside, they insist on shaking hands. The problem I have with this is I catch more colds than I have ever had in my life. Also, some of these guys have some of today's diseases such as herpes, AIDS, hepatitis C, and some other things I have never heard of. I wash my hands many times a day. I use sanitary wipes many times a day. You get the picture.

Is there some polite way of excusing oneself from shaking hands without offending the other person? Any suggestions will be appreciated to help me with this problem. -- CONCERNED IN THE WEST

DEAR CONCERNED: Rather than risk offending clients or co-workers, you should discuss this subject with your doctor. The common cold can be prevented by not touching your eyes, nose or mouth after contact with someone -- or some object -- that has been contaminated by someone with a cold. (The other diseases you mentioned are spread through intimate contact, and this does NOT include hand-shaking.)

DEAR ABBY: I am planning my October wedding and enjoying playing the role of bride-to-be. My in-laws are awesome, and I'm glad I'm marrying into a wonderful family.

I chose my ivory wedding gown shortly after I was engaged last fall, and I couldn't be more pleased. Recently, however, my fiance's mother was shopping for her dress and selected an ivory-colored gown. Not only am I upset, I feel insulted. My fiance thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but don't you agree that the bride should be the only person to wear a gown in her color? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Should I tell her how I feel? The tags are still on her dress, and I think I'm entitled to be the only woman wearing ivory that day. Please advise me. -- GLORIA IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GLORIA: By all means speak up, and when you do, point out to the lady that if she wears the ivory-colored gown it will look like a double wedding. If she's as "awesome" as you say, she'll recognize that it could cause embarrassment and select a gown in another color that coordinates with yours.

DEAR ABBY: The responses from your readers discussing whether to tell Alzheimer's patients about the death of a loved one reminded me about what happened with my mother.

Mom, who is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's, once told me, in great confidence, that she thought my father (who had died 10 years before) was having an affair because his shoes were not in the closet. Also, some "other woman's clothes" were in there. (We had added a few new items to Mom's wardrobe, and she didn't recognize them.)

I very hesitantly began to remind my mother how sick Dad had been, how many times we'd had to take him to the hospital, and finally worked around to saying that he had died 10 years ago. My mother's response: "Well, THAT'S a relief!" -- RICHARD IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR RICHARD: I can see her logic. She's not the only woman who would rather her husband were dead than cheating.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old single father of one. Recently, for the first time in my life, I came into contact with my biological father, whom I have never known. The reason for this is my mother hid the facts from me. Even with the local school district providing some information, as well as his own parents, I could never get any details out of the one person who should have been the first to offer them -- my mother. She does not know I have been in contact with my biological father, and neither does the man who raised me.

I want to let them know what is going on without hurting their feelings. I don't want "Dad" feeling like I have turned my back on him after 25 years of his being there for me. On top of all this, my son, who is 6, has been asking me about his own mother. (I won sole custody.)

My mother says he "doesn't need to know about the incubator." I think he deserves to know the truth -- just as I did. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. -- DECADES OF CONFUSION IN N.Y.

DEAR DECADES: It is time to speak up and inform your mother and stepfather that you and your biological father have reunited. At the same time, let them know that you wish to spare your son the pain and confusion you experienced because "the facts" were hidden from you. You are the child's father, and your wishes should prevail. The sooner he is told the truth, the easier it will be to accept.

P.S. The fact that you are in contact with your birth father does not mean that you are ungrateful or "turning your back" on anyone. Please do not make your mother and stepfather's insecurities your problem. Family counseling may be your next logical step.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Marvin," thinks that because we work together that we spend all day together, when in reality we may actually speak for a minute or two, three or four times a day. When we go home, Marvin immediately gets on the computer, which is in an alcove upstairs removed from everyone else. He'll come down to eat dinner and then gets back on the computer for the next four or five hours.

On weekends, he spends from 10 to 14 hours a day on the computer. Then he goes to bed. If I ask him to spend time with me and/or our children, he tells me I am "picking on him."

This has been going on for the last 13 years or more. I can understand why a woman would start talking to another man. Marvin is not there for me mentally, and I'm all alone.

He is good to me as far as worldly goods are concerned, but I couldn't care less about that. What good is it when you have no one to share your life with? What would you suggest I do? -- ALONE AND LONELY IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ALONE AND LONELY: What took you so long to write? The first thing you should do is check the "history" on the computer in the alcove, and see where your husband has been spending the time he should have been spending with you and the children. Then, armed with that information, offer him the option of marriage counseling before your marriage is so eroded that it can never be revived. If he refuses, seek counseling on your own to find out why you tolerated for so long a marriage without communication or companionship, and explore your options. In counseling you will find the answers you need.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper response to store clerks, office personnel and others who routinely call people by their first name, often people they have never seen before?

Whatever happened to the correct designation of "Mister" or "Ma'am"? -- MR. M. IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR MR. M.: Believe it or not, many people are not offended at being addressed by their first name. The way to handle it is to smile, and tell the person, "I prefer to be called Mr. M." It's direct, non-confrontational, and gets the message across.

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