DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a nice guy for two years. We started out as good friends and the relationship progressed from there. He's truly all that you could ask for. My dilemma is, he doesn't know how to read and write.

This is a very sensitive subject for him. He is 33 years old and works as a custodian for the school district. He earns a fraction over minimum wage and is making child support payments.

I have been very patient with him, but any time I raise the subject of his going back to school, we end up arguing. Now he has decided to take a part-time job in the evenings -- so there will definitely be no time for school. What am I to do? He thinks my pushing him to learn to read and write is about the money. It's not! He keeps saying he's leaving his reading and writing "in God's hands." How can I help him? -- WITS' END IN MIAMI

DEAR WITS' END: Your boyfriend's unwillingness to reach out for help may stem from embarrassment. Please explain to him that there are programs especially for people like him, and that they are easy to access. All you have to do is call your county library and tell the librarian you are looking for a referral to a literacy coalition so your friend can learn to read. Your friend will be treated with dignity, I promise.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to thank you for more than 10 years of a happy marriage. Let me explain:

I am an active-duty soldier with only 14 months left to retire after almost 20 years of service, including two tours in Iraq. In October 1995, I was deployed to Kuwait and I received three letters from Operation Dear Abby. One of them was from a beautiful lady from California. On Feb. 17, 1996, I met the young lady and married her.

Now, more than 10 years later, I am the proud father of three wonderful children.

I'm writing today to thank you for continuing the program with OperationDearAbby.net. This was the first holiday season in two years that I was home with my family, and I want to thank you for sending me my angel. -- STAFF SGT. ROB G., FORT LEWIS, WASH.

DEAR STAFF SGT. G.: Thank you for an upper of a letter. I'm pleased to know that Operation Dear Abby brought you not only a pen pal, but also a wife, children and happiness. You deserve them all.

Readers, why wait for a holiday? How about spreading some joy by logging on to OperationDearAbby.net and letting our young men and women stationed around the world in the military know that they're in our hearts today, tomorrow and every day. They'll love hearing from you -- and you'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: My boss's mother passed away recently and the funeral is this weekend. I had spoken to "Mrs. White" on several occasions and met her twice. My question is, should I attend the visitation, as it is my boss's mother who passed away? I don't want to commit "career suicide" by not attending -- but on the other hand, I don't think I'd feel comfortable being there. -- MISSISSIPPI MAIDEN

DEAR MAIDEN: Funerals are for the living. You attend not only as a gesture of respect for the deceased, but by your presence, to offer comfort to the living. To attend would be a kindness, and I'm sure it would be appreciated -- so go.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Bride-to-Be" asked if it was common or proper to wear her wedding gown to the airport or on a plane. You advised her that it was impractical, but there's no law against it. By that, I assume your intention was to say that no rule of etiquette specifically forbids it, rather than a criminal statute.

One of the most basic rules of etiquette is that people dress appropriately for their environment. What reason could a person possibly have for wanting to do such a thing except that she is hoping to coerce every casual stranger who crosses her path into having to offer congratulations and ask the obvious questions so that she can extend her fantasy that the entire world revolves around her wedding? To me, this sounds not only improper but self-absorbed. -- JESSICA IN HOUSTON

DEAR JESSICA: Most of my readers who chose to comment on that letter agreed I was right to discourage the bride-to-be. But not all of them did. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I was married, I kept my gown on, even though we were going to Disneyland after the ceremony. It created some of the most memorable moments of the day. Little girls and tourists wanted pictures of my new husband and me, and I got to wear the most expensive and beautiful dress I will ever own for a full day. Carpe diem! Have no regrets. It's her day; let her do what makes her happy. -- JANELLE IN VALENCIA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to share what occurred while I was part of the crew on a flight from LAX to Miami. We were all delighted when a young bride and groom in full wedding regalia boarded our aircraft. Unfortunately, we lost an engine on takeoff and had to return to LAX, where the passengers and crew waited three hours before another plane was available. By the time we took off again, the bride and groom were more than ready to don something comfortable for the five-hour flight, but their luggage had been checked!

I would advise the bride to bring along a carry-on with a change of clothes should the unexpected occur. The couple on my flight got more than their money's worth out of their formal wear. -- JANE IN MANDEVILLE, LA.

DEAR ABBY: Leaving for my honeymoon last summer, I wore a white baseball cap with a short veil attached so everyone would know I was just married. It paid off with upgrades to first class on our flight, complimentary champagne and many other "perks." Tell that bride-to-be there is an alternative to show that she's just married, and she should preserve her sacred wedding gown for her daughter. -- STARR IN SANTA CRUZ, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I just saw the question from the bride-to-be. Please remind her and your readers that it is unsafe to wear anything that bulky -- and perhaps not even comfortable -- on an airplane. If there was an accident or even a crash landing, she could become a liability to her husband and the other passengers -- from catching on fire to getting tangled in the slide to tripping in a dark aisle. This is the reason travelers are advised not to wear clothing made of synthetic material on an airplane. -- PRACTICAL IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: Tell that bride to call a designer today! I once saw the most wonderful wedding dress, and it could be the perfect solution for her. It was in two pieces, with a full skirt that came off, revealing a beautiful short cocktail dress. Ingenious! The bride said she wore it to dinner several times during her honeymoon. -- AN OLD BRIDE IN SAN RAMON

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in the construction trade for many years. It's common practice to shake someone's hand when you are introduced, or when you see that person again. Now, after years of working in the field, I'm working in the office, taking care of business for the men.

Abby, when they come into the office or I see them gathered outside, they insist on shaking hands. The problem I have with this is I catch more colds than I have ever had in my life. Also, some of these guys have some of today's diseases such as herpes, AIDS, hepatitis C, and some other things I have never heard of. I wash my hands many times a day. I use sanitary wipes many times a day. You get the picture.

Is there some polite way of excusing oneself from shaking hands without offending the other person? Any suggestions will be appreciated to help me with this problem. -- CONCERNED IN THE WEST

DEAR CONCERNED: Rather than risk offending clients or co-workers, you should discuss this subject with your doctor. The common cold can be prevented by not touching your eyes, nose or mouth after contact with someone -- or some object -- that has been contaminated by someone with a cold. (The other diseases you mentioned are spread through intimate contact, and this does NOT include hand-shaking.)

DEAR ABBY: I am planning my October wedding and enjoying playing the role of bride-to-be. My in-laws are awesome, and I'm glad I'm marrying into a wonderful family.

I chose my ivory wedding gown shortly after I was engaged last fall, and I couldn't be more pleased. Recently, however, my fiance's mother was shopping for her dress and selected an ivory-colored gown. Not only am I upset, I feel insulted. My fiance thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but don't you agree that the bride should be the only person to wear a gown in her color? Am I blowing this out of proportion? Should I tell her how I feel? The tags are still on her dress, and I think I'm entitled to be the only woman wearing ivory that day. Please advise me. -- GLORIA IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GLORIA: By all means speak up, and when you do, point out to the lady that if she wears the ivory-colored gown it will look like a double wedding. If she's as "awesome" as you say, she'll recognize that it could cause embarrassment and select a gown in another color that coordinates with yours.

DEAR ABBY: The responses from your readers discussing whether to tell Alzheimer's patients about the death of a loved one reminded me about what happened with my mother.

Mom, who is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's, once told me, in great confidence, that she thought my father (who had died 10 years before) was having an affair because his shoes were not in the closet. Also, some "other woman's clothes" were in there. (We had added a few new items to Mom's wardrobe, and she didn't recognize them.)

I very hesitantly began to remind my mother how sick Dad had been, how many times we'd had to take him to the hospital, and finally worked around to saying that he had died 10 years ago. My mother's response: "Well, THAT'S a relief!" -- RICHARD IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR RICHARD: I can see her logic. She's not the only woman who would rather her husband were dead than cheating.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)