DEAR ABBY: From time to time you ask your readers to "dump on Abby." Well, summer is coming around again, and this message is for working parents who don't realize they're taking advantage of family and friends.

So -- you drop off your children to play in the a.m. and pick them up in the p.m.? Did you think to:

Pack a lunch?

Send a snack to share?

Rent a video?

Buy a pool toy?

Send a game?

Buy sunscreen?

Send a craft? Cookie dough? Juice?

While working parents save money by sending their children to play all day, my food bill triples. The extra money I spend in pool chemicals, water, laundry and toys also triples. I choose to stay home with my children, and I love having their friends over. But every year seems to bring an even greater financial hardship. I don't know how much more blunt "Please send a snack to share" can be.

If any of your readers see this, Abby, and realize that they are one of those clueless working parents thinking stay-at-home moms "have it made," I'll trade them my referee shirt, food bill and mess.

Please, folks, be grateful and considerate of the person who is watching and loving your child for free, and show your appreciation. -- ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR ANYWHERE: I don't think you're asking too much in requesting that parents who send their children to spend the day include a snack that can be shared. Although your list was quite inclusive, any readers who are confused about exactly what that means should pick up the phone and ask their child-care provider what they can do to make the children's day more special.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 23. During the past two years I have married, bought a house, had a baby, and am finishing up my B.A. degree in a few short months. I hold down a full-time job and still make time for my son, my husband, and even occasionally squeeze in a little "me" time. I have a wonderful life, and I would not change anything.

My problem is I am still only 23. Occasionally I like a girls' night out. We go out as a group, eat dinner, have a couple of drinks, dance and have a good time. This is enough to satisfy my need to "let loose," and I never do anything inappropriate.

On several occasions when I have mentioned these girls' nights out to older relatives, they'll respond with, "Mothers don't behave that way," or, "You aren't a college student any longer." But Abby, I AM a college student! I don't do this very often. I'm just out with friends, having fun. The majority of the time I spend the weekends with my son, going to the park or playing with our pets.

It is now hunting season. My husband is gone for days at a time. We support each other. I have no problem with him doing things he likes, and he supports my occasional evenings out with my friends. I thought I was doing OK, but now my relatives have me second-guessing myself. Am I being inappropriate? I'd like your input. -- MELISSA IN FLORIDA

DEAR MELISSA: This is between you and your husband. As long as he doesn't mind your occasional nights out with the girls, you'll get no argument from me. This is also nobody else's business -- including your older relatives -- so my advice to you is to stop making it a subject of conversation.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a full-time firefighter, married with two small children, living in a small city. My problem is I have a drinking problem that I hide well from friends and family. Lately, however, it has been getting worse, and I would like to get help.

I know of several AA groups that meet in my area, but because this is a small community, I'm afraid that someone will notice me at one of the meetings, and my problem will be exposed -- and I could possibly lose my job.

Is there any professional help I might be able to get online? -- NEEDS HELP IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Where there's a will, there's a way. You can participate in AA meetings via the Internet by going to www.aa-intergroup.org. It's an Internet chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous where you can join in on audio or e-mail meetings. Another site is www.aaonline.net. You can also Google "Alcoholics Anonymous online" and find a variety of resources. Plenty of help is available if you just reach out for it! Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl in seventh grade. My parents are divorced, and my father has remarried. My parents have shared custody and make joint decisions about me.

My mother has given me permission to shave my legs, but my father says I am not old enough because that is what my stepmother tells him to say.

My stepmother reads your column, and if you agree that I am old enough to shave my legs, she will tell my father that I should be able to, and then my parents will be in agreement. -- HAIRY AND SELF-CONSCIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR HAIRY: I am glad to help. The time a girl should begin to shave her legs is when she becomes conscious of the fact that she needs to. It's not a matter of "age." It is when she's old enough to do it carefully and not injure herself. And 12 is about average. I hope your stepmother sees this and relents.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son agreed to download music onto his cousin's iPod in his absence. Unfortunately, our dog got hold of the iPod and chewed the leather case it was in and damaged the screen.

Who should be responsible for the replacement of the iPod ($450 plus $40 for the leather case)? I think the responsibility lies with both parties and the cost should be split in half.

Please share your thoughts ASAP. Because this concerns family, it could create real animosity if it is not handled properly. -- MUSICAL DILEMMA

DEAR MUSICAL DILEMMA: I do not agree with you. The person who should pay to replace the damaged iPod is the person whose carelessness resulted in the dog destroying it. Look at it this way: Often the most expensive lesson is the most effective -- and this one is a doozy!

DEAR ABBY: I am being married next year, and our "best man" is female. Can you tell us what we should call her? -- KARLA IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR KARLA: Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding. Your friend's official title will be "groom's attendant."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I want to respond to the letter from "Being Watched in Birmingham," whose ex-husband is stalking her. She wrote she was afraid that calling the police would just make it worse. I had the same problem.

My ex was a retired policeman and long-haul truck driver. I was afraid the police from our town would ignore me because of the "code of blue," and my kids and I would be on our own. But the police helped us out and protected us.

I had to get a restraining order to keep him from the house. He had told one of my daughters that he was going to drive through our house with his tractor-trailer and hurt me. When my daughter told the judge what he had said, it helped me to get my restraining order. It was hard; we were upset and more terrified than anyone will ever know. But our lives are now peaceful.

"Being Watched" needs to stand up for herself and her child. She CAN get help. She also needs to get herself into counseling. (I went to domestic abuse counseling.) She must reach out now, before it's too late.

I made sure all four of us got counseling. She doesn't have to miss out on life because he could be watching. Please, Abby, tell her to look forward and not back -- if not for herself, then for her daughter. That girl should not have to live out her mother's fears. They could affect the rest of her life. -- HAPPY AT LAST IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HAPPY AT LAST: Thank you for sharing your personal experience and how you dealt with your ex-husband's stalking and intimidation. I also heard from a former member of law enforcement. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have some advice for "Being Watched." I investigated stalking cases when I was a detective for the local police department. I also studied the behaviors of these offenders. "Being Watched" should not answer his calls no matter how many times he calls or threatens. If she does, she's giving him what he wants: a response. Even a negative response is what these people need and crave.

She should screen her calls and use an answering machine. She should also obtain an injunction prohibiting harassment from the court. (They are called different names by other jurisdictions.) It can be served on him by an officer of the court.

She should keep detailed documentation of what he is doing -- calls, following her, damage. Dates and times are very important to building a criminal case. Also, keep any cards, letters, notes, gifts, etc., that he leaves, and turn them in to the police. They will need them as evidence.

The daughter should be instructed to be aware of her surroundings and report any unusual activities to her mother or the police if it's an emergency. The school should be notified about what is happening, especially if a court order is obtained to keep him away from her.

By no means should the writer make herself a prisoner in her own home. If she does, he's succeeding in getting what he wants -- control over her. She should be aware of her surroundings, install good locks on her house, garage her vehicle if possible, and take security precautions at home or at work. Her ex is committing crimes and will stop only if she takes the first step to end his controlling, manipulative behavior. It may be scary for her, but a good support system of family, friends, police and a psychotherapist can help her through this terrifying time. The man needs to be stopped -- now! -- FORMER POLICE DETECTIVE IN ARIZONA

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)