DEAR ABBY: After almost 30 years of marriage, my husband "Grant," took a long-distance trucking job. This leaves me alone on many Sundays and evenings, and I'm having a terrible time adjusting to it. I feel sad lots of times, like I'm living the life of a widow. Being a widow is terrible, but living like one while your husband is still alive seems worse.

I attend any social event that gives me contact with people while Grant is away. Sundays are difficult because I am limited to visiting older women who are widows. My children are grown and live hundreds of miles away, and I don't want to impose on my married friends who have their husbands to do things with.

Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, but it makes me feel distant and bitter. Do other wives of airplane pilots, traveling salesmen, truckers, etc., feel the same way I do? How can I change my attitude? -- TRUCKER WIDOW IN TEXAS

DEAR WIDOW: The surest way to change your attitude is to start celebrating your independence instead of cursing it. You have too much time on your hands. Buy a pet, adopt a hobby, start taking classes while your husband is away, and fill those lonely hours of separation. You can be as happy as you make up your mind to be -- or as miserable. It's a question of mind over matter.

DEAR ABBY: My son was an Apache helicopter pilot in the Army. He was active in the initial invasion of Iraq and spent a year serving his country. It was a very difficult time for me. Eventually I suffered a nervous breakdown from the stress.

My son is now honorably discharged and safe at home. My problem is that friends keep sending me war-related e-mails and updates. If I know what they are by the subject line, I delete them.

Recently, I got an e-mail about a soldier whose job it was to inform the families when their loved ones had been killed. I had an emotional meltdown when I saw it. I know firsthand the fear that family members feel.

I was driving my car when I heard an Apache helicopter went down and two soldiers were taken hostage. I nearly crashed the vehicle. It could have been my son. It taught me not to listen to the news while driving.

How do I tell everyone not to send me correspondence about the war and the goings-on in Iraq? They have no idea how this affects me. I haven't seen this issue addressed in your column. -- SALLY IN DEARBORN, MICH.

DEAR SALLY: I'm sure your friends mean well, so tell them in plain English exactly what you have told me. You should also contact the physician who treated you at the time of your nervous breakdown and explain that you are still experiencing problems. Some sessions with a psychiatrist who specializes in post-traumatic stress may be able to help you finally close this chapter of your life.

DEAR ABBY: My family is going to buy a new sofa and loveseat because our old ones are in very bad shape. Thye're in bad shape because we have two moochers who use them as their bed. So why buy a new set if it will only end up like the old one? Isn't it a waste of money? -- HOLLY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HOLLY: Yes, and that is why I'm suggesting that your family wait until you can buy a new sofa, loveseat and an air mattress to accommodate the "moochers." Either that, or learn to say no.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: From time to time you ask your readers to "dump on Abby." Well, summer is coming around again, and this message is for working parents who don't realize they're taking advantage of family and friends.

So -- you drop off your children to play in the a.m. and pick them up in the p.m.? Did you think to:

Pack a lunch?

Send a snack to share?

Rent a video?

Buy a pool toy?

Send a game?

Buy sunscreen?

Send a craft? Cookie dough? Juice?

While working parents save money by sending their children to play all day, my food bill triples. The extra money I spend in pool chemicals, water, laundry and toys also triples. I choose to stay home with my children, and I love having their friends over. But every year seems to bring an even greater financial hardship. I don't know how much more blunt "Please send a snack to share" can be.

If any of your readers see this, Abby, and realize that they are one of those clueless working parents thinking stay-at-home moms "have it made," I'll trade them my referee shirt, food bill and mess.

Please, folks, be grateful and considerate of the person who is watching and loving your child for free, and show your appreciation. -- ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR ANYWHERE: I don't think you're asking too much in requesting that parents who send their children to spend the day include a snack that can be shared. Although your list was quite inclusive, any readers who are confused about exactly what that means should pick up the phone and ask their child-care provider what they can do to make the children's day more special.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 23. During the past two years I have married, bought a house, had a baby, and am finishing up my B.A. degree in a few short months. I hold down a full-time job and still make time for my son, my husband, and even occasionally squeeze in a little "me" time. I have a wonderful life, and I would not change anything.

My problem is I am still only 23. Occasionally I like a girls' night out. We go out as a group, eat dinner, have a couple of drinks, dance and have a good time. This is enough to satisfy my need to "let loose," and I never do anything inappropriate.

On several occasions when I have mentioned these girls' nights out to older relatives, they'll respond with, "Mothers don't behave that way," or, "You aren't a college student any longer." But Abby, I AM a college student! I don't do this very often. I'm just out with friends, having fun. The majority of the time I spend the weekends with my son, going to the park or playing with our pets.

It is now hunting season. My husband is gone for days at a time. We support each other. I have no problem with him doing things he likes, and he supports my occasional evenings out with my friends. I thought I was doing OK, but now my relatives have me second-guessing myself. Am I being inappropriate? I'd like your input. -- MELISSA IN FLORIDA

DEAR MELISSA: This is between you and your husband. As long as he doesn't mind your occasional nights out with the girls, you'll get no argument from me. This is also nobody else's business -- including your older relatives -- so my advice to you is to stop making it a subject of conversation.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a full-time firefighter, married with two small children, living in a small city. My problem is I have a drinking problem that I hide well from friends and family. Lately, however, it has been getting worse, and I would like to get help.

I know of several AA groups that meet in my area, but because this is a small community, I'm afraid that someone will notice me at one of the meetings, and my problem will be exposed -- and I could possibly lose my job.

Is there any professional help I might be able to get online? -- NEEDS HELP IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Where there's a will, there's a way. You can participate in AA meetings via the Internet by going to www.aa-intergroup.org. It's an Internet chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous where you can join in on audio or e-mail meetings. Another site is www.aaonline.net. You can also Google "Alcoholics Anonymous online" and find a variety of resources. Plenty of help is available if you just reach out for it! Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl in seventh grade. My parents are divorced, and my father has remarried. My parents have shared custody and make joint decisions about me.

My mother has given me permission to shave my legs, but my father says I am not old enough because that is what my stepmother tells him to say.

My stepmother reads your column, and if you agree that I am old enough to shave my legs, she will tell my father that I should be able to, and then my parents will be in agreement. -- HAIRY AND SELF-CONSCIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR HAIRY: I am glad to help. The time a girl should begin to shave her legs is when she becomes conscious of the fact that she needs to. It's not a matter of "age." It is when she's old enough to do it carefully and not injure herself. And 12 is about average. I hope your stepmother sees this and relents.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old son agreed to download music onto his cousin's iPod in his absence. Unfortunately, our dog got hold of the iPod and chewed the leather case it was in and damaged the screen.

Who should be responsible for the replacement of the iPod ($450 plus $40 for the leather case)? I think the responsibility lies with both parties and the cost should be split in half.

Please share your thoughts ASAP. Because this concerns family, it could create real animosity if it is not handled properly. -- MUSICAL DILEMMA

DEAR MUSICAL DILEMMA: I do not agree with you. The person who should pay to replace the damaged iPod is the person whose carelessness resulted in the dog destroying it. Look at it this way: Often the most expensive lesson is the most effective -- and this one is a doozy!

DEAR ABBY: I am being married next year, and our "best man" is female. Can you tell us what we should call her? -- KARLA IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR KARLA: Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding. Your friend's official title will be "groom's attendant."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)