DEAR ABBY: It's Tuesday, 3:22 a.m., and I'm wide awake, not by choice. I live downstairs from some newlyweds, "Ike" and "Tina," who moved into our apartment building a few weeks ago. This is the second time I've been awakened by their fighting. I hear loud thumps and bangs and cries from both of them. Because we leave our windows ajar at night, we can also hear what they are shouting at each other.

I am well aware that Ike has hit Tina on more than one occasion. The first time, I was tempted to run upstairs and "save" her. This time, I'm lying here wondering if I should call the police or write a personal note and leave it under the door.

I don't want to embarrass anyone or cause more problems. But I do want them to stop fighting. It breaks my heart. Ike apologizes, then Tina yells and he cries, and she says she wants to leave, and he begs her to stay. I hear the whole thing.

I know the best thing would be to suggest counseling, but that's not my place. I have never met them. I'd hate for something worse to happen, and I refuse to be like half the people here in Los Angeles and just sit and watch the violence go by. So what should I do? Please answer soon. I don't think I can handle much more of this. -- SLEEPLESS IN L.A.

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Someone would be doing this young wife a favor if he or she could catch her when her husband isn't around and tell her plainly that batterers don't break the habit without professional help, and she needs to get out of there before she is seriously injured.

If that's not possible, then the next time you hear "thumping," you should definitely summon the police. Law enforcement officers are trained to handle these kinds of situations, which are potentially life-threatening. The husband could be high on something, or a psychopath. Under no circumstances should you try to intervene because it could be physically dangerous for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I don't know how to solve. When we have family over for get-togethers, my "Aunt Irene," whom we all love, disappears and goes into our bedrooms -- we have three -- going from one to the other looking through our drawers. Nothing has ever gone missing, so we can't imagine what she's looking for. The last time she stayed 45 minutes.

When I asked Aunt Irene's husband where she was, he got embarrassed. He tries to ignore it. I followed her once and asked what she was doing. She said, "Just looking."

My husband says I should close all the bedroom doors, but my oldest daughter had her door closed and Aunt Irene went in anyway.

Aunt Irene always wants to be included and she's good company, but she has this odd habit. How should we handle this? -- WONDERING IN CLEVELAND

DEAR WONDERING: It appears your Aunt Irene is nosy and can't resist the impulse to take "inventory" of your possessions. Few people would be as easygoing as you have been. You do not have to tolerate her snooping. Because closing your bedrooms hasn't kept her out, consider locking them.

If that's not feasible, then the next time you have a family get-together, "forget" to invite her. Should she ask why, be truthful. Let her know now much you enjoy her good company, but you cannot put up with her inspection tours. If that doesn't do the trick, the next time you catch "Miss Nosy" in a bedroom, ask her to please rejoin the others -- and feel free not to invite her again.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After almost 30 years of marriage, my husband "Grant," took a long-distance trucking job. This leaves me alone on many Sundays and evenings, and I'm having a terrible time adjusting to it. I feel sad lots of times, like I'm living the life of a widow. Being a widow is terrible, but living like one while your husband is still alive seems worse.

I attend any social event that gives me contact with people while Grant is away. Sundays are difficult because I am limited to visiting older women who are widows. My children are grown and live hundreds of miles away, and I don't want to impose on my married friends who have their husbands to do things with.

Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, but it makes me feel distant and bitter. Do other wives of airplane pilots, traveling salesmen, truckers, etc., feel the same way I do? How can I change my attitude? -- TRUCKER WIDOW IN TEXAS

DEAR WIDOW: The surest way to change your attitude is to start celebrating your independence instead of cursing it. You have too much time on your hands. Buy a pet, adopt a hobby, start taking classes while your husband is away, and fill those lonely hours of separation. You can be as happy as you make up your mind to be -- or as miserable. It's a question of mind over matter.

DEAR ABBY: My son was an Apache helicopter pilot in the Army. He was active in the initial invasion of Iraq and spent a year serving his country. It was a very difficult time for me. Eventually I suffered a nervous breakdown from the stress.

My son is now honorably discharged and safe at home. My problem is that friends keep sending me war-related e-mails and updates. If I know what they are by the subject line, I delete them.

Recently, I got an e-mail about a soldier whose job it was to inform the families when their loved ones had been killed. I had an emotional meltdown when I saw it. I know firsthand the fear that family members feel.

I was driving my car when I heard an Apache helicopter went down and two soldiers were taken hostage. I nearly crashed the vehicle. It could have been my son. It taught me not to listen to the news while driving.

How do I tell everyone not to send me correspondence about the war and the goings-on in Iraq? They have no idea how this affects me. I haven't seen this issue addressed in your column. -- SALLY IN DEARBORN, MICH.

DEAR SALLY: I'm sure your friends mean well, so tell them in plain English exactly what you have told me. You should also contact the physician who treated you at the time of your nervous breakdown and explain that you are still experiencing problems. Some sessions with a psychiatrist who specializes in post-traumatic stress may be able to help you finally close this chapter of your life.

DEAR ABBY: My family is going to buy a new sofa and loveseat because our old ones are in very bad shape. Thye're in bad shape because we have two moochers who use them as their bed. So why buy a new set if it will only end up like the old one? Isn't it a waste of money? -- HOLLY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HOLLY: Yes, and that is why I'm suggesting that your family wait until you can buy a new sofa, loveseat and an air mattress to accommodate the "moochers." Either that, or learn to say no.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: From time to time you ask your readers to "dump on Abby." Well, summer is coming around again, and this message is for working parents who don't realize they're taking advantage of family and friends.

So -- you drop off your children to play in the a.m. and pick them up in the p.m.? Did you think to:

Pack a lunch?

Send a snack to share?

Rent a video?

Buy a pool toy?

Send a game?

Buy sunscreen?

Send a craft? Cookie dough? Juice?

While working parents save money by sending their children to play all day, my food bill triples. The extra money I spend in pool chemicals, water, laundry and toys also triples. I choose to stay home with my children, and I love having their friends over. But every year seems to bring an even greater financial hardship. I don't know how much more blunt "Please send a snack to share" can be.

If any of your readers see this, Abby, and realize that they are one of those clueless working parents thinking stay-at-home moms "have it made," I'll trade them my referee shirt, food bill and mess.

Please, folks, be grateful and considerate of the person who is watching and loving your child for free, and show your appreciation. -- ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR ANYWHERE: I don't think you're asking too much in requesting that parents who send their children to spend the day include a snack that can be shared. Although your list was quite inclusive, any readers who are confused about exactly what that means should pick up the phone and ask their child-care provider what they can do to make the children's day more special.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 23. During the past two years I have married, bought a house, had a baby, and am finishing up my B.A. degree in a few short months. I hold down a full-time job and still make time for my son, my husband, and even occasionally squeeze in a little "me" time. I have a wonderful life, and I would not change anything.

My problem is I am still only 23. Occasionally I like a girls' night out. We go out as a group, eat dinner, have a couple of drinks, dance and have a good time. This is enough to satisfy my need to "let loose," and I never do anything inappropriate.

On several occasions when I have mentioned these girls' nights out to older relatives, they'll respond with, "Mothers don't behave that way," or, "You aren't a college student any longer." But Abby, I AM a college student! I don't do this very often. I'm just out with friends, having fun. The majority of the time I spend the weekends with my son, going to the park or playing with our pets.

It is now hunting season. My husband is gone for days at a time. We support each other. I have no problem with him doing things he likes, and he supports my occasional evenings out with my friends. I thought I was doing OK, but now my relatives have me second-guessing myself. Am I being inappropriate? I'd like your input. -- MELISSA IN FLORIDA

DEAR MELISSA: This is between you and your husband. As long as he doesn't mind your occasional nights out with the girls, you'll get no argument from me. This is also nobody else's business -- including your older relatives -- so my advice to you is to stop making it a subject of conversation.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)