DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Keith," and I are eagerly awaiting the birth of our first child. Sadly, Keith's mother is in very poor health. She's not expected to live more than a few months after the birth of her newest grandchild.

For this reason, all of Keith's siblings are planning to visit after the baby arrives so that everyone can pose for one last family photo, complete with our new baby. My problem is with Keith's niece, "Bridget." I know when the time comes to snap the picture, Bridget will insist on including her latest loser boyfriend.

I wouldn't care if it weren't for the fact that Bridget has a history of demanding that her current boyfriends be put in family photos and then insisting that the pictures never see the light of day again after the relationship has ended. She threw a fit at my in-laws' anniversary party when she saw that their picture board contained family pictures with past boyfriends. She was even so bold as to tell everyone in Keith's family to get rid of any family pictures from our wedding because seeing images of her boyfriend at the time "dredged up too many painful memories." (That boyfriend would eventually become her ex-husband, to whom she was married for only one month.)

How do I inform Bridget that her newest boyfriend is not wanted in what will most likely be the only family portrait to include my baby? -- MOTHER-TO-BE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOTHER-TO-BE: I see no reason to "inform" Bridget that the family regards her current boyfriend-to-be as yet another loser. It will only cause her to become hurt and defensive, and create resentment that could last for years. Instead, when everyone is lined up for the family picture, make sure that Bridget's boyfriend is posed on the end of the grouping. That way, if the romance tanks he can easily be photo-edited out.

DEAR ABBY: I often order a cup of herbal tea with dinner at restaurants. I use quite a bit of sugar, and end up with four to five empty packets after I've sweetened my tea. What should I do with them? I've tried hiding them under the saucer, but they never seem to fit. -- TEA LOVER IN NEW YORK

DEAR TEA LOVER: Because the "evidence" is making you self-conscious, you could sneak the packets into your purse (or even your brassiere). However, speaking as a fellow sugar addict, my advice is to start cutting back on the sugar, because not only is it addictive, it also makes you crave more and more. And an hour after you've consumed it, you'll feel as fatigued as you felt "energized" immediately afterward.

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted by a stepfather when I was 9. My real father died when I was 5. I am now 25 and want to change my last name back to that of my biological father. My mother divorced my stepfather seven years ago.

Abby, my stepfather abused me badly, so I have had a hard time dealing with this. I have since had counseling, which helped a great deal. I just need to know -- is it worth it to go through the trouble of legally changing my name back, especially if I were to get married in the next five years or so? I just hate that I'm still associated with the man who hurt me years ago. -- CONFUSED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: Because the name has painful associations for you, it would not only be "worth it," it would also be cathartic. I say, go for it! Bury the name with all the unhappiness that was associated with it.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I believe your answer to "Perplexed in Pennsylvania" was incomplete. Co-ed slumber parties are now common, which (as you pointed out) does not make them appropriate. However, the ones my children were invited to when they were adolescents were acceptable to me because they were well chaperoned and did not involve any actual "slumber." Rather, they were an excuse to stay up all night playing board games, watching videos, eating junk food and just talking. This is different from what you might imagine, where the group of children would be sent off to the family room to fend for themselves.

You should have advised "Perplexed" to get more details about the party, particularly as to what activities were planned and who would chaperone. -- GINGER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR GINGER: Perhaps. However, I'm still not sure I agree with the concept. Some readers agree with you, while others agreed with me -- and that's what makes for an interesting discussion. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my son was a senior, three couples went to the prom together, and I invited them to stay the night. I had breakfast ready when they came in, and I'd promised the parents I'd make sure both genders had separate sleeping quarters. The guys crashed in the upstairs playroom; the girls settled in the den. I was up until 5:00 a.m. making sure I knew where everyone was.

They were all good kids, but I would warn "Perplexed" that when hormones are raging, you just don't give kids any opportunity at all. It was worth losing a night's sleep to make sure all of them were safe. -- "V" IN ASHEBORO, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: Co-ed slumber parties are nothing new -- and in my experience they were harmless fun. When I was 14, I was invited to my first co-ed slumber party, hosted by a boy in my class. We went swimming, ate junk food, and watched music videos and old movies all night. Those parties were great fun, the source of some of my fondest memories of my youth. We were always under adult supervision, but no one in our group even considered doing anything inappropriate.

Of course, I grew up in a small town where all the families knew each other. -- ACM, GERMANTOWN, MD.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter has also been invited to co-ed slumber parties. We let her go; however, we picked her up at 10:00 p.m. or as soon as the planned activities were finished. -- TUCSON, ARIZ., MOM

DEAR ABBY: I attended a few co-ed overnights in high school, and I can tell you that PLENTY happened. Tell that mother to stick to her guns! -- MOM FROM MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: When our twin sons were given permission to ask five friends each to their 9th birthday party, one son's list contained the expected familiar names. The other gave me four boys' names and ... Wendy! I hesitated and asked, "You invited a girl to a boys' slumber party?" Our son thought nothing of it.

I called his teacher (a friend of mine) to obtain Wendy's phone number, and when I explained why I needed it, she laughed and said she could understand why Wendy was invited. "She can run faster, throw a ball farther and hit harder than any boy in the class." Our sons are now grown, but we still tease them once in a while about inviting a girl to the slumber party. -- SHARON IN INDEPENDENCE, MO.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last year, on April 30, my 16-year-old son was hit by a car and killed. He was walking with friends in the rain on a dark road at night. The driver of the car says he never saw my son, although he was wearing a dark sweatshirt with white designs on it, black pants and a white hat. I will never know exactly what was going on in my son's head, walking in the rain at night. And I will have to live with the pain of losing him for the rest of my life.

I would like to urge other parents out there that whenever your sons or daughters leave the house -- no matter what time of day or night it is -- make sure they have some sort of bright clothing on or with them. You never know when they might be walking in the dark.

Also, no matter what is going on in your life, or theirs, please make sure that you always tell them you love them. Because in just a snap of a finger, your child could be gone. -- SAD IN CLINTON, MASS.

DEAR SAD: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic loss of your son. Your message is worth repeating, and it applies to adults as well as young people. Pedestrians as well as bicycle riders should make absolutely certain they can be seen by drivers by wearing reflective clothing at night. No one wants to think of him- or herself as a statistic, but accidents can and do happen to anyone. An ounce of prevention ...

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a serious relationship for 13 months. The woman I am with has a daughter who is 15 months old. I am the only father figure that has ever been in her life. Her biological father, "Ethan," saw her only twice. I have been supporting my lady and her child for a while.

Last January, Ethan died, and my lady took it hard. Last Saturday, she got his name tattooed on her back without consulting me. She didn't tell me until after it was done, and it upset me. We are supposed to be married soon.

Every time we make love, that tattoo reminds me of Ethan. I feel she should have asked me what I thought about the idea first. She expects me to consult her about things that I do before I do them. Am I wrong for expecting the same respect from her as I give her? Should I tell her how I feel, or should I avoid having a confrontation with her and try to forget about it? -- ANGRY AND CONFUSED IN PHOENIX

DEAR ANGRY: Your feelings are valid. You were not consulted because your lady friend already knew what your feelings would be. Avoiding a discussion (notice I did not say "confrontation") with her about this is not the way to go. This matter needs to be talked about to your satisfaction, and if the tattoo dampens your ardor, it should be removed before the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: Last month, my sister, "Diane," was going on a trip to Europe. At the last moment, she asked me if she could take my digital camera with her. I told her no, I needed the camera for my work and didn't want to take a chance on her losing it. The camera was a Christmas gift, and I have had it only a few months.

When Diane returned from her trip, she decided not to talk to me. It has been more than two weeks now. I told her she should talk, but she doesn't want to. What can I do? -- DANIELLE IN PASSAIC, N.J.

DEAR DANIELLE: Enjoy the silence while you can. Once she starts talking again, you'll never hear the end of it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)