Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: Years ago you printed a poem that said God sends children with special needs to special parents because he knows that they will be well cared for. (These were children with various disabilities.) I wish you would print that poem once again. I am sure it would help many parents who have a disabled child. -- FAITHFUL ILLINOIS READER

DEAR FAITHFUL READER: The poem is very moving, and I'm pleased to reprint it. It was written 50 years ago by Edna Massimilla of Hatboro, Pa., the widow of a pastor, when their daughter, a child with Down syndrome, was born. (She is now with the Lord.) When I spoke with Edna -- who is 90 -- she explained that she wrote the poem to emphasize that every creation is for a purpose, and she's still writing poems and songs especially for children with disabilities. Read on:

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from Earth

It was time again for another birth.

Said the Angels to the Lord above --

"This special child will need much love.

"Her progress may be very slow

"Accomplishment she may not show.

"And she'll require extra care

"From the folks she meets down there.

"She may not run or laugh or play

"Her thoughts may seem quite far away

"So many times she will be labeled

"'different,' 'helpless' and disabled.

"So, let's be careful where she's sent.

"We want her life to be content.

"Please, Lord, find the parents who

"Will do a special job for you.

"They will not realize right away

"The leading role they are asked to play.

"But with this child sent from above

"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

"And soon they'll know the privilege given

"In caring for their gift from heaven.

"Their precious charge, so meek and mild

"Is heaven's very special child."

DEAR ABBY: I work as a waitress in a coffee shop. Occasionally, my parents come in for breakfast. I enjoy their coming in to eat and visit, but something has been bothering me. When my dad pays for his breakfast, he never leaves -- or even offers -- a tip!

Usually when friends or family try to tip me, I refuse it and tell them I'm just glad they came in. But often they'll leave a tip anyway.

Dad, on the other hand, takes his change and leaves.

Does he not understand that I'm taxed on all food sales and "assumed" tips made for the day? Am I being silly for thinking this way, or is he being stingy by not offering a tip? -- HURT IN HUNTINGTON BEACH

DEAR HURT: Either your dad is a skinflint, or he has taken you at your word when you said it wasn't necessary to leave a tip. Rather than writing me about it, please discuss the matter with him. And if he still doesn't leave a tip, then have another server wait on him while you "visit" with him in between waiting on other customers.

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DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and I have been dating this girl, "Beth," for two months and three weeks -- a long time for me. When we started dating, I told her I had had sex before, and I had just quit smoking and drinking and stuff. Well, Beth told her mom, and now her mom doesn't believe I quit!

I want Beth's mom to approve of me because it'll make it easier for her to deal with me, because I really like Beth. I've been to their house three times, and I've met her mom, her dad and her aunt, but her mom talks about me behind my back. She's threatening to break us up -- but I haven't done anything to her mom. I'm usually polite and well-mannered, but she just doesn't like me. Please help me. We don't plan on having sex. Beth wants to wait, which is fine with me. -- CRAZY IN LOVE, FORT STEWART, GA.

DEAR CRAZY IN LOVE: For one moment, please try and look at this from the mother's point of view. When mothers fantasize about the boys their little girls will eventually date, it is not usually someone who at 14 has had sex, smoked, drank alcohol -- "and stuff" -- even if they say they have quit.

It might help to have a man-to-man talk with Beth's father and make clear to him that you respect his daughter, are in no way trying to take advantage of her, and that you are now walking the straight and narrow. I can't promise it'll work, but it's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: I am in college. A girl from another country relies on me for all of the information the professor in one class lectures on. I feel sorry for her because I understand how difficult it is to get a grasp on a subject that is taught in a tongue that is not your own.

We exchanged phone numbers because the professor asked us to do so, to ensure that we had someone to update us if we missed a class. Now the girl won't stop calling me, sometimes three times a day or more, to clarify the material.

Abby, I have three children and a husband to take care of, and I'm taking two classes with tons of homework. I do not have time to re-teach the class to anyone. I would have already snapped at someone who was rude or mean, but this girl is excruciatingly nice. What should I do? -- TRAPPED IN GEORGIA

DEAR TRAPPED: Your classmate may have a comprehension problem; she could also be just plain lonely. If I were you, I'd tell the professor what's going on and ask if he/she can arrange for her to get some extra help of a more formal nature. Then I would kindly tell the young woman that, because of the demands of my family as well as school, my time is extremely limited and, if she has more than one question about a class, she must direct them elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: During the year, I host several birthday and holiday dinners in my home. When I have three generations, should I ask the eldest to give the blessing? If my son and his wife are present, which one should I ask? When I have friends in, should I ask them to do the honors?

I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I don't want anyone to feel left out, either. I have always felt awkward about this subject and never know what is appropriate. -- GREAT-GRANDMOTHER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER: The solution to your problem is to ask your guests which one of them would like to give the blessing, or offer it yourself.

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DEAR ABBY: When I was younger, I got in trouble with the law and spent a couple of years in prison. Because of my slight build and good looks, I received unwanted attention from several of my fellow inmates. It was very traumatic, and it took years of therapy after I was released to come to terms with what happened to me.

I now have a job that I love, but recently the company hired one of the men who raped me in prison. This is upsetting because he recognized me and gives me this horrible smile every time our paths at work cross. I don't know what to do because I really need this job, and if I were to quit, I wouldn't find one in this area that would pay me half as much as I get now. I can't just up and move because I have to care for my mother, whose health is failing. What can I do? -- MANHANDLED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MANHANDLED: It's a pity your attacker was released from prison, because someone like him belongs behind bars permanently. Obviously, your employer is one who believes in giving convicts a second chance. I think you should tell your boss exactly what you have told me. If I were your employer, I would want to know so that I could either get rid of that employee, or arrange that your paths never cross again.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a college professor. His department wanted the faculty to have Web pages with a "personal" touch, so they ordered each faculty member to have a photograph taken to post on them. If they chose not to display their own pictures, they could post a picture of something they like or that represents their particular field of study.

My husband decided to post a picture of Michelangelo's "David" on his Web page. I just about flipped when I saw it. I asked him why he chose that one, and he had numerous excuses, none of them to my satisfaction.

My husband does not teach anything remotely tied to the "David," Michelangelo, art, Italy, Renaissance history, etc. The closest he comes to it is he teaches summer school in Europe and recruits students for his classes over there. I told him he should be promoting his program, not this.

I am not a prude. I've been to Florence and have seen the statue. It's a fabulous art treasure, and I can see why it's famous. I guess my biggest concern is that my husband might be bisexual, and this is his subconscious way of saying so. He hasn't given me any other reason to believe it, but I can't imagine any other reason why a normal heterosexual man would have this picture "represent" himself. Can you please give me your thoughts on this? -- WORRIED WIFE

DEAR WORRIED: You didn't mention your husband's reasons for posting the picture, so I can't evaluate whether they make sense to me. Because his school had no objection to his selection of artwork, I'd say you are overreacting.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder -- and so is evil. Michelangelo's "David" represents the ideal of perfection in the male physique. Perhaps your husband chose that image because he wishes that's the way he looked -- or not. Would you have been equally suspicious if a female professor had used a picture of the "Venus de Milo"? Sometimes a picture is only a picture.

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