DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman with three beautiful children. For the past eight years, I lived with a man I care for very much, "Rick," who is an alcoholic.

Two years ago, I decided to take the children and move to China, teaching English and learning Chinese. The experience has been fabulous.

Rick has been at home, keeping house and drinking. Now that I am away from him, I realize how miserable I was, living with him and his disease. We will be returning to the United States in a couple of months, back to our house, back to Rick and back to his excessive drinking. I no longer want to watch him get drunk every night. I have told him how I feel, and he has promised to stop drinking, but I've heard that story before, and I don't believe him.

Rick has been waiting for us and is eagerly expecting us to resume our lives, but I don't believe he can even make it to the airport sober to pick us up. How can I resolve this from here? Or should I wait to get back? -- CONFUSED IN CHINA

DEAR CONFUSED: I don't know how Rick behaves when he's under the influence, but if there is any suspicion in your mind that he might retaliate by trashing your home and belongings, then you'd be wise to wait until you get home to deal with him.

He could surprise you and be sober when you return. But if he is not, you have given him fair warning, and you can insist that he leave with a clear conscience.

DEAR ABBY: Several months ago, I met and fell in love with an amazing woman I'll call "Maria." My problem is, although she makes me happy, and it thrills me to hear that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, she kids me about breaking up on a regular basis. Sometimes it'll be a simple, "We're over! Oh -- just kidding," or, "We're done! I need a new man -- just kidding."

This humor of hers hurts a lot. She justifies it by saying that I don't have a sense of humor and that I take things too seriously. Abby, I love Maria with all my heart, and I want to have a future with her. But it hurts every time she does this. What should I do? -- ETHAN IN WAYNETOWN, IND.

DEAR ETHAN: Because your girlfriend is such a "kidder," how about testing her sense of humor? The next time she announces the relationship is over, agree with her. Say, "Yup! It's over!" If she can dish it out, she should be prepared to take it. However, if she can't, it's time you two had a serious discussion about passive-aggressive behavior -- because if you have told her that her teasing is painful and she persists, that is what she's engaging in.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell your relatives' children not to ride bikes or play in your yard? We have a beautiful yard, but are very concerned about lawsuits. -- IN A DELICATE POSITION, PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DELICATE: If you are concerned that the children will destroy your yard, then tell the children -- and their parents -- exactly that. However, if you're worried about being sued if the children should hurt themselves on your property, then ask the parents to sign a release for your insurance agent to keep on file. I'm sure it will get their attention -- and it should.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old divorced mother with three kids, ages 17, 13 and 9. I have been dating a wonderful man I'll call Earl for more than a year. Everything is great; we plan to be married. My kids love him, he is great with them, and he has two teenagers of his own.

I recently suggested that my kids start calling him "Earl" instead of "Mr. Earl," as they have called him since they met him. But Earl said that even after we are married, they should continue to call him "Mr." because it is a matter of respect. I say that no stepfamilies do that, and if we are all sharing a home together, it's too formal. Your thoughts, please? -- IN A QUANDARY IN GEORGIA

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: I agree with you. Once you are married and living under the same roof, his insistence that he be addressed as "Mr." will be emotionally distancing for your children. It will also make them feel like second-class citizens if his own children call him "Dad" while yours are compelled to call him "Mister." Your boyfriend appears to have some significant self-esteem issues. I strongly recommend that they be dealt with before you marry him.

DEAR ABBY: I met a very kind man about two months ago. From then on, we saw each other twice a week at group get-togethers. He would always lead me away from the others, talking to me and flirting with me. He's very forward. He is always touching me, putting his arms around me -- and he asked me for my phone number the second time I saw him.

We have still been hanging out, but I found out he has a girlfriend! He doesn't know that I know. When I pull back from his touching me, he asks me why. Is it possible that he doesn't have a girlfriend? Or is he just one of those guys who will flirt with anyone -- including me? -- ANONYMOUS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Although it's possible that he doesn't have a girlfriend, it is more likely that he does. Ask the people who have told you he has a girlfriend for more information about her -- like her name and phone number -- and give her a call. Remember: If he'd cheat on her, he would do it to you. And the next time you see this Romeo and he hits on you -- because that's what he's doing -- tell him you'd consider it if he were eligible, but he's already taken, and then go back to the group.

DEAR ABBY: My infant son has a medical condition that requires occasional visits to a local hospital. On each of the last two visits, I have run into an acquaintance in the hospital hallway -- once someone from work, and another time, someone from church.

After stopping and exchanging greetings, both of these individuals asked me why I was at the hospital.

I think that question is inappropriate. Medical matters are personal. I was very uncomfortable because I don't want to share my son's condition with others. They were both asking out of concern, but in my opinion, the question just should not be asked. Do you agree? -- STRICTLY PERSONAL, ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR STRICTLY PERSONAL: The question may seem intrusive in a situation like yours, but is also natural and spontaneous. Because your son's condition is of a private nature, I suggest that when you are asked that, you "deflect it" by responding, "What are you doing here?" And then change the subject.

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DEAR ABBY: Today I witnessed what may be the end of a marriage, and it was because of a professional health care worker's unwise remark.

My wife was having a colonoscopy, and there was one large recovery room where patients coming out of anesthesia were grouped. (There were curtains separating the patients.)

While I was waiting for my wife to awaken, I overheard a nurse talking to the wife of the patient next to us. She said, "You know, you can find out anything from them when they're coming out of anesthesia. They are completely incapable of lying." She said it in a lighthearted way -- sort of giggling.

A few minutes later, I heard the wife ask in a hushed voice, "Bart, have you ever cheated on me?"

"Yes," he moaned, "with Mary Helen."

I heard the wife choke back a sob and she ran from the room. It was another 45 minutes before my wife was ready to leave, and the woman did not return during that time.

Abby, I think it was ridiculous for that nurse to pass on the information that prompted this scene. Should I let the doctor know about his nurse's unwise comment? -- MIKE IN TUCSON, ARIZ.

DEAR MIKE: Absolutely! People have been known to babble all sorts of nonsense when coming out of anesthesia. Of course, a wife who would have to stoop to such behavior already has her suspicions, or she wouldn't feel the need to ask. But you have described a man who was not only not responsible for what came out of his mouth, but also probably has no memory of it thanks to the new, improved anesthetics being used today. The doctor needs to counsel his nurse for her poor judgment.

DEAR ABBY: I have a huge problem. I met my husband when I was 13. We married at 21. From day one, he knew I did not ever want kids. He figured I would change my mind, and one day I would have one. Well, I'm 25 now, and I still don't want kids. I will not change my mind.

He has now given me an ultimatum. Either I get pregnant within two years or he wants a divorce. I love my husband, and I'd do anything for him -- but I do not want kids! Should we just divorce now and get it over with, or should I stick it out for two years hoping he won't leave me? -- DON'T CALL ME MOMMY, SLIDELL, LA.

DEAR DON'T CALL: You might as well separate now, because if your husband wants children, he has the right to have them. He just picked the wrong girl to marry.

Your letter is a perfect example of why premarital counseling is so important for couples before they marry -- to make certain both parties are "on the same page" about what they expect from the marriage and each other.

DEAR ABBY: Our son and his fiancee chose to elope to Hawaii for their wedding, opting out of a traditional wedding and reception. Now we are told they have registered at several stores.

Is it appropriate to expect friends and relatives to send gifts to a couple that has eloped? -- CURIOUS IN CINCINNATI

DEAR CURIOUS: No, it is not "appropriate." It is customary to give a wedding gift if someone attends the celebration. Otherwise, a gift is not required. And for them to "expect" gifts under these circumstances seems nervy to me.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)