DEAR READERS: Today is Father's Day, and I would like to offer my good wishes to fathers everywhere -- whether they be birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive fathers, foster fathers, or caring men who mentor children whose fathers are deceased or absent. The importance of your role cannot be overstated. Children who are fortunate enough to have loving, actively involved fathers should thank their lucky stars because not all children are so fortunate. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to share an essay that was written by my son, Anthony. He had spent a couple of days taking care of his two sons, ages 5 1/2 and 3, while his wife was out of town.

One night, after putting them to bed, he began thinking about the day and their activities, and was so moved with emotion that he sat down and put on paper what he was feeling.

You might want to share his beautiful, loving essay with your readers. -- MARYANN RETTINO, HUNTINGTON, N.Y.

DEAR MARYANN: Indeed I would. Your son's essay expresses the emotions of caring fathers everywhere. Read on:

A FATHER'S WISH by Anthony Rettino

I gaze at my two sons -- and the feeling is indescribable. So much innocence and so much joy, yet I know there are challenges ahead, mountains to climb, emotions to deal with.

How can I best prepare them for life? How can I prevent them from making the same mistakes I made? How can I protect them from the evil in the world?

Considering this, I realize the best thing I can do is to let them be themselves, accept them for who they are, encourage them along the way, and wish for them the best that life can offer.

I wish that they will find happiness where there is sadness, hope where there is despair, and meaning where there is confusion.

I wish that one day they can know the love of a child, hear their footsteps as they walk through the door, and gaze upon them as they sleep.

I wish for them that they will find true love, as I have found it with their mother.

I wish that they will be happy and fulfilled in their chosen professions, that they will be able to balance work and family, and find the time to help others less fortunate than they are.

As for me, I wish that I can be every bit the man they see when they look at me with their adoring eyes.

DEAR ABBY: My three siblings and I live with my parents. My brother, who is two years younger than I am, wants to move out. I'm the middle child, and Mom says I should wait until I'm 30 before moving.

When I try to talk to my parents, they blow me off. I'm getting sick of it when she starts talking with my brother about moving out on his own. Please help me. -- MIXED UP IN MONTANA

DEAR MIXED UP: You didn't mention your age, but if you are 21 and self-supporting, you can move out on your own whenever you wish. You do not have to wait until you are 30 -- regardless of how much your mother might wish otherwise.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MORTON B. IN MINNEAPOLIS: A happy, healthy Father's Day, Pop!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Hans," and I have decided not to allow our two children to visit their grandparents' home while my sister-in-law, "Becky," is living there. The reason for our decision is that Becky molested Hans for about four years while they were kids.

Becky has kids of her own now and has said some things that are questionable. We feel our children would be better off without her in their lives, just to be safe. Hans' parents do not know what happened. He simply told them he has "good reason" for not allowing his children over, and not much else was said.

My problem is, my in-laws are blaming ME for the children not going over there, and now refuse to visit with us at our house. Hans' mother barely speaks to him anymore. They live only 15 minutes away and both are under 50 and in good health. Were we wrong in our decision? Do you think Hans should tell his parents why we don't visit? As with many cases of sexual abuse, Becky convinced Hans that no one would believe him if he "told," and unfortunately, that thought has stuck with him. -- DESPERATE TO MEND THE FAMILY

DEAR DESPERATE: You made the right decision in keeping your children away from Becky, but you made a mistake in not telling the grandparents exactly why. They should immediately be told the truth -- if only so they can make sure that the children under their roof now have not been molested. And if you have any reason to believe they would turn a blind eye to it, you should share your concerns with Child Protective Services.

DEAR ABBY: One of my best friends, "Patty," just became engaged. I'm happy for her. Patty was one of my bridesmaids and even acted as unofficial maid of honor. She loaned me a small amount of money, which I haven't been able to pay back yet.

Patty called me the other day. When we spoke, she mentioned the money and asked when I would repay the loan. I told her I plan to pay her back as soon as I can. Then she told me her mother is having reservations about me being one of her bridesmaids. She said her mom wanted to make sure I knew they couldn't afford to pay for my dress.

The thing is, I already knew I'd have to pay for it. I'm the only bridesmaid she has said that to, and I feel insulted. I was already planning on buying my own dress. My husband now refuses to go to the wedding, and I'm having doubts about even being in it. The wedding is scheduled for next year, so I can't blame it on pre-wedding jitters. What should I do? Should I suck up my pride, or should I refuse to be a bridesmaid? I'm really hurt by what she said. -- ALMOST-BROKE BRIDESMAID

DEAR ALMOST BROKE: Has it occurred to you that Patty's mother's concerns might be valid? If you can't afford to repay the "small amount of money" your friend loaned you, how do you plan to pay for your dress? I see no reason why you should be offended that she raised the subject. If you have owed the money for more than a month, the bride and her mother have every right to be concerned.

Rather than being offended, I think you should be apologetic, set up a repayment plan NOW, and if you can't afford to be a member of the wedding party, face that fact and admit it so it doesn't create a problem at the last minute.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently met a gorgeous woman I'll call "Giselle." After we had dated for a couple of months and became physically involved, she told me she had had gender reassignment surgery and used to be a man! I was, to say the least, shocked and deeply disturbed.

I did not punch out Giselle as I would have liked to -- which brings me to my question. What is the etiquette regarding physically confronting someone like that? Is it the same as hitting a girl? We're roughly the same size. -- DISTRESSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DISTRESSED: Because Giselle is now a female, it would, indeed, have been the same as hitting a girl, and I'm glad you restrained yourself. I have a feeling that she was probably more hurt that you stopped seeing her than any physical blow you might have inflicted. As to the "etiquette" regarding hitting her, if you hit someone of either gender, it is assault and battery -- or possibly worse -- and it's a crime that can land you in jail. Be glad you controlled your temper.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, to whom I was happily married for 20 years, has become infatuated and besotted with a certain North American poet, songwriter and entertainer. She talks about him constantly and sings his songs morning, noon and night. Every conversation somehow involves him. She listens exclusively to his music both in the car and at home, and constantly remarks how sexy, attractive and "brilliant" he is. She openly tells me she would have sex with him in a moment. She uses his picture as a screen-saver on her computer at work and is constantly surfing for information about him.

At first, I tried joking about it, then became somewhat angry, and have now given up and stopped objecting. I feel this man has taken over my marriage. My wife says she loves me and adores me, and that I'm being silly, immature and jealous and have to get over it. Please help. -- LOUIS IN HOLLYWOOD, FLA.

DEAR LOUIS: You may be jealous, but the person who is acting silly and immature is your wife. It is one thing to enjoy, admire and be curious about an entertainer. But your wife appears to have become so fixated on this man that she has emotionally abandoned you. Her crack about "having sex with him in a moment" if she got the chance was uncalled for. As far as I'm concerned, your feelings are valid, and she has some fences to mend.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl who fell in love with a 19-year-old guy. I care about him very much -- in fact, I love him. He said he cares about me, too, but doesn't want a relationship. I can understand that, but sometimes I feel as if he used me for his own needs. He's not the type of guy who does that, but it crosses my mind.

Now he has moved three states away, leaving me here to rot alone. Should I tell him how I feel, so maybe he will come back? Or do I move on and not find out what I mean to him? -- LOST IN MISSOURI

DEAR LOST: Tell the young man how you feel, but if he doesn't give you the answer you're looking for, please be fully prepared to move on. It would be a mistake to sit around waiting for the person you "think" might be Mr. Right when the REAL Mr. Right could be right in front of you.

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