DEAR ABBY: I have a unique problem. My mother-in-law is too nice. She insists on taking my children once or twice a week so that she can have her own time with them -- often taking them on fun outings for entire afternoons or evenings. I am not invited. Although she cannot refuse to let me come, any time I do, she makes me feel that I am intruding. I guess she likes to "play mom," and my presence interferes.

While I appreciate the fact that she goes out of her way to develop a good relationship with my children, it bothers me that she demands to see them so often and at my exclusion. Am I just being selfish for feeling left out? In my family, the attitude was always "the more the merrier." We have a good relationship otherwise. -- LEFT OUT IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR LEFT OUT: Many people reading this column would fall on their knees and kiss the ground if their parents or in-laws treated their children the way yours does. However, because you feel left out, it's time to have a frank talk with "Granny" and tell her that you would like to be able to join some of those outings without feeling that you are intruding, as you have been made to feel -- however inadvertently -- in the past. She may not be aware of the message she has been conveying.

DEAR ABBY: I believe my husband is headed for a nervous breakdown, and I don't know what to do. He is having a mid-life crisis. His hair is thinning very quickly, and he's having a problem sexually. Things have gotten so bad that I'm contemplating filing for a divorce.

Can you please tell him that he is not alone, and that there are many men his age experiencing the same problems? Please tell him that there is help. -- DESPERATE IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR DESPERATE: Of course your husband is not alone. And the proof of it lies as near as your television set, with its endless ads for Viagra, Levitra and other "male enhancements." Add to that the testimonials for hair replacement surgery, and it adds up to many thousands of men and many millions of dollars for available treatments.

This is not the time to leave your husband. What you should do is urge him to discuss his concerns with his doctor, because what is "ailing" him can almost certainly be fixed.

DEAR ABBY: I have two active boys who are 8 and 2 1/2. We are going on a 12-hour road trip to a family wedding. I shared with my mother-in-law that I am dreading the long ride and am trying to think of ways to keep the boys occupied. We have a DVD player and are taking books, toys, etc. on the trip.

I was shocked to hear my mother-in-law suggest that I give the boys Benadryl to put them to sleep. This is not the first time I have heard someone say this. Is this common practice? My husband and I would never do such a thing. Isn't that child abuse? -- APPALLED IN FREMONT, CALIF.

DEAR APPALLED: I would certainly call it child endangerment. Children should not be given medications without a doctor's prescription. If I were you, I'd start that trip at night, when the children are normally sleeping. And bring along lots of things to keep them entertained. I would also schedule stops at regular intervals so they don't get cabin fever. But drug them? Never.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Pete and Repeat in Ohio" whose in-laws constantly repeat themselves. My mother-in-law does the same thing. She's 61 and has done it for at least 10 years. I do not believe it's a sign of early dementia, but it drives me crazy.

I think the reason is she cannot stand silence. If there is a pause in the conversation, she is compelled to fill it with endless drivel about herself or family that's been told 100 times before.

Because she doesn't seem to notice or care if the person she is with is an active listener, I have finally learned to turn a deaf ear, say "uh-huh" at the appropriate times and focus on her better qualities, as my husband and father-in-law have done for years. -- NO LONGER LISTENING IN COLORADO

DEAR NO LONGER LISTENING: That letter brought some thought-provoking feedback. Not everyone agreed with me that the woman's problem could be early dementia. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have another thought. Perhaps the in-laws were trying to elicit an acknowledgment of what they were saying, so they kept saying it, thinking it wasn't sinking in. I find myself doing the same thing when it appears my daughter isn't listening or hasn't reacted to something I have said -- particularly if it's something important to me. -- ANNIE IN ORTONVILLE, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: I'm only in my 30s, and I sometimes have the habit of repeating myself. I do it when I feel the person I am speaking to is blowing me off, patronizing me, misunderstanding me or not acknowledging me.

"Pete and Repeat" should try the following before sending the older folks to a doctor or deciding they have dementia: When Mom and Pop repeat themselves, look them straight in the eye, and gently and sincerely acknowledge the message. Example: Say, "Mom, thank you for telling us about the surprise! You always plan such great gifts, we can't wait to see what it is." They should teach their children to do the same.

"Pete and Repeat" may think they are acknowledging their parents by telling them they already heard them eight times, but my guess is the parents are looking for a more positive form of affirmation. -- LAURIE IN LARAMIE, WYO.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's mother was a wonderful mother-in-law, but she also told the same stories over and over. Finally, I started charging my husband a dollar for every time I had to listen to a story I already knew. This way I was more than polite to his mother -- I was enthusiastic when she repeated herself, and I silently counted up my winnings. Maybe "Pete and Repeat" could promise their kids a quarter for every time the grandparents repeat themselves. I promise you, everybody's attitude will change for the better. -- MISSING MY M-I-L IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Pete and Repeat" was right on. My mother-in-law started repeating herself more than 15 years ago, at the young age of 61. Her children wrote it off as "old age," but her daughters-in-law saw it as an early sign of dementia. Unfortunately, we were right.

I hope "Pete and Repeat" won't put off encouraging her parents to visit their doctor. Medications can slow the onset of Alzheimer's disease. The sooner they know what's going on, the better they all can prepare for the future. -- LISA IN BLOOMFIELD HILLS, MICH.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Over the last three years, my best friend of 15 years, "Hazel," has engaged in some disturbing Internet dating behavior. Several months ago, she answered a classified ad on the Internet in which a man was looking for women who enjoy "domestic discipline." (In other words, "spanking.") Not only did Hazel go to meet this man in person, but she married him after knowing him for only three weeks!

When I met him in person, every alarm God ever gave me as a woman went off at once. He was very aggressive and began making inappropriate comments in front of me about spanking her after knowing me for less than 10 minutes.

Hazel keeps pressing for us to "get to know him," but every time I think about it I feel ill. My husband and I are conservative people. We would never associate with someone we knew openly practiced deviant behavior.

However, I am concerned for my friend. I'm afraid he may abuse her. I don't want to associate with him, but I don't want to lose Hazel. Can this relationship be salvaged? -- SHOCKED IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR SHOCKED: Yes, but it won't be a foursome. It'll be "just the girls" when you can both spare the time -- and I have a hunch he may be keeping your friend pretty busy. You don't have to approve of her lifestyle to make it very clear to her that you are only a phone call away if she needs you -- and that's what I recommend you do.

DEAR ABBY: My heart is aching. How should I tactfully suggest to my husband that we need marriage counseling? I don't want to provoke an argument about it, which I am afraid will happen.

We have just grown so far apart, and it's only been eight years. Everything is so negative, and I'm afraid I don't even like him anymore. I think we would be OK if we could get help. But I don't know where to start. -- FEELING ALONE IN WESTERVILLE, OHIO

DEAR FEELING ALONE: Tell your husband that you are concerned because HE doesn't seem to be happy. Tell him that you feel you have grown apart, but do not understand what has gone wrong. Tell him that you long for the relationship you had when you were first married, and that you would like for the two of you to get some marriage counseling.

If that provokes an argument, stay calm and explain that you aren't being accusatory or saying it to upset him -- just trying to bring the two of you closer again. If he refuses to go, then go without him. Counseling will help you decide the next step to take.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago, as a Christmas gift, a friend gave me an oil painting that had been painted by her mother. I was recently told that my cancer is terminal, so I have begun "housecleaning."

Would it be all right for me to return the painting to my friend with a note expressing my delight in having once owned it? No one in my family has a desire to keep the painting. -- PREPARING TO GO IN DENVER

DEAR PREPARING TO GO: I am sorry that your prognosis is not what we would have wished. By all means, return the painting to your friend. It may have sentimental value to her -- not only because the painting was created by her mother, but also because it belonged to you. When you do, write her a note and tell her that the painting has brought you a lifetime of happiness, and you only wish you could have enjoyed it longer.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)