DEAR ABBY: I'm a shopaholic. I'm constantly shopping the department store sales and thrift shops. It's my "fix" when I'm feeling down or bored. It never used to be this bad. I purchase things and keep it secret from my husband. I don't just buy for me. I also buy for others. I am out of control. It has reached the point where I'm in the hole $4,800.

I never had nice things when I was young, and I tell myself I deserve them. It's like being on a diet and cheating -- I feel guilty every time I do it. The idea of cutting up my credit cards is threatening. I'm sad now, but I'd be really depressed if I had to. I pray every night to stop this cycle, but my prayers go unanswered because I'm not sincere.

I'm a lonely person with few friends. I'm scared and don't know where to turn. Please help me. I can't afford a therapist. -- FASHIONABLY LONELY IN NEW YORK

DEAR LONELY: Please pick up your phone and make an appointment to discuss this with your doctor. Some people become compulsive shoppers because the "rush" it gives them temporarily eases their chronic depression -- and from your letter, I am pretty sure you fall into that category. Medication can help, but it must be prescribed by a physician.

Debtors Anonymous is an international 12-step fellowship that provides mutual help in recovering from compulsive spending. If you contact this group, you will find it provides a phone support network as well as a newsletter, and the primary purpose of its members is to stay solvent and help other compulsive debtors achieve solvency. For more information, write Debtors Anonymous General Service Office, P.O. Box 920888, Needham, MA 02492, or visit the Web site at www.debtorsanonymous.org.

DEAR ABBY: My husband doesn't support anything I do anymore. He thinks I am always wrong, no matter what the situation is. He never takes my part in any circumstance. He took the neighbors' part after an argument that led to me calling the police. He told the neighbors that I was wrong to do it. He has made me look like a fool to the whole neighborhood.

He is always telling me what to do. I never get my way -- it is always his way or no way. I am thinking about leaving him, but I have nowhere to go. I have no job and no place to stay. We have a child together, so I have to provide for him, too. Do you think I have grounds to leave, or should I try to work things out? -- BEATEN DOWN IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR BEATEN DOWN: Make a list of your husband's bank account numbers, Social Security number, driver's license number and his assets. Get a job and start banking your wages in your name only. Then offer your husband the option of marriage counseling.

If he refuses, point out that it would be cheaper for him than alimony. If he still refuses, please consider some sessions with a counselor to figure out why you have tolerated living with someone like him for so long.

And by the way, your husband is required by law to support his child. An attorney can advise you about whether you have "grounds" to end the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: A friend asked me today if dancing with someone other than your partner is considered "cheating." What do you think? -- C.M. IN SCARBOROUGH, CANADA

DEAR C.M.: Dancing with someone other than your partner is not cheating. However, it is considered rude if your partner is left sitting alone.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-something male who is madly in love with my girlfriend. That being said, I do have one concern. She dated a friend of mine for a short while prior to dating me. Their relationship was physically intimate, something I have reserved for only our relationship.

In short, I am having trouble facing my friend.

Can you advise me how to get over my discomfort at the physical nature of their relationship? She was never promiscuous. Her one "indiscretion" happens to be my good friend. -- TRYING TO GET OVER IT

DEAR TRYING: You can overcome your discomfort by recognizing that today many people come with a sexual past, and by not allowing yourself to dwell on it. (If you do, it'll be like pumping air into a balloon until it explodes.)

Your problem isn't unusual. Most people like to fantasize that the partner they have chosen has no sexual history. If you're worried about "comparisons" -- look at it this way: YOU'VE got the girl.

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked and hurt recently when my grandmother wrote me a letter about the level of "disrespect" I supposedly "heaped on her" during a recent visit. I am 37 years old, and while visiting her after the funeral of a relative, I showed her some photographs of me and my fiance.

My fiance is a tall, handsome, African-American man I met and fell in love with two years ago. The "disrespect" she was alluding to in the letter was "because her granddaughter was involved with a black man."

Abby, I was raised to accept people for who they are, lovingly and with respect, regardless of color or ethnicity. I do not want to be disrespectful of my grandmother or hurt her, but my fiance and I were married on April 15 and we are very happy. My question is, can old grandmothers be taught new tricks? -- OFFENDED IN CARTERVILLE, GA.

DEAR OFFENDED: Some can, when they see their grandchild is happy in a stable marriage; others are too firmly entrenched in their biases to change their thinking. Remember, you and she are from different generations, and although mixed marriages are not uncommon these days, they were when your grandmother was growing up.

In your case, I wouldn't count on teaching Granny any new tricks, because her mind appears to be locked tighter than Guantanamo Bay. But hold a good thought.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office with four "girls." A fifth girl, whom I'll call "Shirley," takes her break with us. Over the past year, we have all become friendly.

Shirley has a daughter I'll call "Toni." Toni is pregnant, and Shirley is throwing her a shower. We are all invited, even though I am the only one who has met Toni, and only once, briefly. Shirley approached us to ask if any of us are attending the shower, and when we declined the invitation, she proceeded to ask if we would all chip in $10 for a gift from us.

Does this take nerve or what? Any suggestions? -- MORTIFIED IN LANSFORD, PA.

DEAR MORTIFIED: It takes either "nerve" or total ignorance of the social graces. Unless you want to chip in for a group gift, I suggest you also decline that "invitation."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: May I respond to your reply to "Dismayed in Marysville, Mich.," regarding attire in church? As a priest and pastor, I'm appalled at how some people come dressed for Sunday worship.

You said that "Dress codes have been greatly relaxed in recent decades," which I find to be inaccurate. What has become relaxed is the attitude, the respect and reverence people have for worship and church buildings. From brides walking down the aisle chewing gum to funeral pallbearers wearing tennis shoes, to members wearing flip-flops, shorts and tank tops on Sunday, the lack of respect and reverence to worship is disgusting.

These same people would never allow their children to play in a sporting event out of uniform, or apply for a job interview themselves dressed inappropriately. Sunday worship should be no different! -- PRIEST IN OHIO

DEAR PRIEST: I also said I was raised to believe people should dress "respectfully" in the house of the Lord -- and that means fully shod and covered up enough so it doesn't distract the other worshippers. However, reaction to my reply varied sharply. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: More important than what people are wearing is the reason for being in church in the first place. Maybe it would be better if we could all enter God's house blind. If we can't see what people are wearing, we can leave our judgments and prejudices outside and use the time to learn more about God's purpose for our lives. -- DIANA IN CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR ABBY: Satan wants to embarrass the church, so he sends people dressed any kind of disrespectful way. They'd be sent home from their jobs if they dressed like that. Women: Cover up! You are worth more than your skin. -- PASTOR'S WIFE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR ABBY: That we worship is more important than what we wear. That letter reminded me of the story of the old cowboy who visited a new church in his jeans and boots. After the service, the pastor greeted him and remarked, "We enjoyed having you here today, but before you return, you should have a talk with God about proper attire in church."

The next week, the cowboy returned wearing the same clothes, so the pastor approached him again. "I thought I told you to speak with God about what to wear when you came here," he said. The cowboy responded, "I did. But he said he didn't know because he'd never set foot in here!" -- IOWA COWBOY

DEAR ABBY: My pastor says no one would consider dressing casually if they were going to be in the presence of our president or any other dignitary. Why would we consider anything less for our Lord? Makes perfect sense to me. -- BARBARA, MORGANTOWN, PA.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen people come to church straight from working in their yard, without changing or washing up. When I was a child living in the country, men came to work wearing overalls, but they were clean and, most of the time, new. Today, there is no excuse for slovenliness in public, much less in God's house. -- LILLIE IN SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Church is where you go to give praise to the Lord, not check out what others are wearing. If "Dismayed" feels put out because someone isn't dressed the way she'd like, then maybe the services should be held at Macy's so she can feel more comfortable. -- MATTHEW IN PEORIA

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)