DEAR Abby: I was recently invited to a party. The invitation stated a specific time for the event. I arrived on time, only to find the host and hostess not there. One left as we were arriving, and the other came in two hours late (at a ball game for a child).

Two of their children, ages 7 and 11, were home. I consider this to be extremely rude, as it happens every time they host a party. I say they do not consider the time of their guests to be important, and if they can't be present at the time stated on the invitation, then they shouldn't invite people over.

All the guests entertained themselves until the "hosts" got back. What are your thoughts on this? I will never accept another invitation from them. -- CAROL IN SPOTSLYVANIA, VA.

DEAR CAROL: I don't blame you. The "hosts'" manners were appalling. Frankly, I'm surprised any of the guests stayed around for two hours. I can only surmise they did it in order to be sure the children were properly looked after. Why anyone would accept a second invitation from such irresponsible, inconsiderate hosts is beyond me.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just found out that we are expecting our third child. This pregnancy was unexpected. Our youngest is now 7. I gave all my baby stuff away to friends and family after our second daughter was born.

We are not in the poorhouse, but it would definitely be nice to have some help. To be honest, I am also excited about the idea of a shower because it has been so long since I have been pregnant.

I want to have a baby shower, but I'm not sure if it would be appropriate because this is our third baby. Are there any rules saying you should have a baby shower only with your first? Please help. -- EXPECTING IN OHIO

DEAR EXPECTING: According to Emily Post, "It is all right to give showers the second, or even third, time a couple has a baby. But only when the guest list is limited to close relatives and very close friends, and guests who didn't attend a shower for the first baby."

The shower should be hosted by a close friend of yours or a member of the family. Today people understand that every baby deserves to be celebrated, and that's a step forward from the "old days," when people felt that baby showers were "one to a customer."

DEAR ABBY: I am a Jewish teenager with a huge problem. There are many kids in my school who will not stop telling offensive Jewish "jokes." In the beginning it was kind of funny, but after months and months of it, the jokes have reached a whole new level. They are inappropriate, offensive and personal.

I have asked them many times to stop, but they never listen. Is there anything I can say that will get the point across that I really want them to stop? -- HURT IN MOORESTOWN, N.J.

DEAR HURT: Probably not. You have already tried and it didn't work. Now it's time to tell your principal what has been going on, because you are being scapegoated. The principal can see to it that the student body receives some sensitivity training -- and, if necessary, notify the parents of the guilty parties.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been cross-eyed my whole life. I have had surgery, worn an eye patch, special contacts, and have worn bifocal glasses ever since I was 2. Now that I am 21, my "lazy eye" is less noticeable than before; however, it still crosses when I must focus on something tiny. It causes me to have severe double vision.

I work in a medical office, where I work hands-on with patients. While doing so, I tend not to wear my bifocals because my eyes only cross when I have to read small print. (And, being only 21, it's incredibly uncool to be wearing Coke-bottle glasses.)

Is there a nice way I can respond when older co-workers ask me to read small numbers at the front desk for them? Because I am younger, they often ask me to bring my "young eyes" to rattle off patient phone numbers. Although they are all aware of my problem, they pester me anyway, even though they know it's hard on my eyes. (The truth is, while they may have poor vision themselves, I am the only one with severe diplopia.)

Is there a nice way to get these old grannies off my back without having double vision for the rest of the day? -- DOUBLE-VISIONED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DOUBLE-VISIONED: The magic words are, "Sorry, I can't help you. I'm not wearing my reading glasses." Then suggest to the "grannies" that they ask the office manager to buy a large magnifying glass to keep at the front desk.

DEAR ABBY: Ring, ring! Cell phone etiquette question. Certainly there must be some.

Every time I have one particular family member over, she brings her cell phone and normally has the ring tone on loud. Regardless of the volume, her calls always turn into a long, drawn-out conversation with one of her friends or other relatives. The volume of her cell phone isn't what bothers me as much as the fact that her visits are disturbed by her social life.

If it were a call from work, or some emergency she was expecting to hear back about, or even a child that needed attention, perhaps it wouldn't seem so offensive. I have my own phones at the residence but, unless I am expecting an important call, I normally don't answer it when I have guests over.

What can I say to people who think it's OK to take all their calls at my house during our visits, short of not inviting them and their phones into my home? -- "HUNG UP" IN SEATTLE

DEAR HUNG UP: Yours isn't a question about cell phone etiquette as much as it is about basic good manners. Explain to your family member how insulting it is when she carries on long, involved conversations while you sit there. A quick "I'm at my ( )'s, and I'll call you later," is permissible.

You could also post a sign on your front door that reads, "No Cell Phone Zone." Others have done it with some success.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is ticked off at me because I sing songs all the time. I sing a few lines, and he yells, "Stop!" Each time I make a little noise, he also demands that I stop. It seems like everything I do he tries to stop me from doing.

My parents try hard to get him to stop yelling at me, but he won't. I'm getting really frustrated. How can I solve this problem? (I'm 7.) -- FRUSTRATED IN BERKELEY

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Ignore him. The more your brother yells, the louder you sing. And when your parents get tired of the sound of his yelling, they'll figure out a way to put a stop to it. Parents always do.

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DEAR ABBY: My mother says I'm tearing our family apart. On Mother's Day, my 8-year-old daughter teased her 9-year-old cousin, asking who'd like her last bite of dessert. When he said he wanted it, she said, "Just kidding!" My nephew went running into the house wailing like he'd been hit.

I was in the middle of telling my daughter what she did was wrong and she should apologize, when I heard my brother, "Harry," ask my nephew why he was crying. My nephew said my daughter had teased him over the dessert, and Harry said, "Well, she's a little bitch!" I was horrified. My daughter and sister-in-law heard it, too.

When I went inside to talk to Harry, he told me he didn't mean it that way and that he could say anything in his house that he wants. My daughter and I left, and I haven't talked to him since.

He has apologized to my daughter with numerous justifications for what he said, but he hasn't apologized to me for what he called my daughter and the way he talked to me. We have had two family birthdays since then (including another at my brother's), and my daughter and I haven't attended either one. My mother is taking Harry's side, saying I'm too sensitive and the word isn't that bad. Am I wrong to think that calling an 8-year-old a "bitch" is horrible, degrading and uncalled for? -- SISTER OF A TRASH MOUTH

DEAR SISTER: Probably not. But your brother has already apologized to the "injured" party for what he said, and he does not owe you one. I'm voting with your mother. You have already punished yourself and your daughter enough by missing out on the family birthday parties. Enough, already!

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I became acquainted with a woman I'll call "Julie." We were neighbors and talked often. One day, she confided that she was in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. She said she was a prisoner in her own home and didn't know what to do.

To make a long story short, I let myself get sucked in. I trusted her. I helped Julie financially to retain a lawyer and found her and her children a nice place to live through another friend of mine, "Sue." Sue knew of Julie's situation because I told her. She, too, was very kind to Julie.

Not only was Julie always late with her rent (there was no reason for her to be), she broke her lease and lied about why she had to move. My issue is that I unwittingly sucked Sue in for Julie's "cause." I feel terrible and responsible, even though I have apologized to Sue about it. Julie has made no effort to contact us since then.

I recently learned that Julie has "befriended" a prominent single man from church. (She's not yet divorced.) I believe he is getting sucked in the way I was. He has connections and has helped Julie find another job. He has also helped her move. Should I let him know what kind of person Julie really is, or use this as a learning experience, mind my own business and move on? -- CONNED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONNED: Would you keep silent if you knew there was a pickpocket loose in the congregation? You should not only tell the man what your and Sue's experience was with this woman, you should also clue your clergyperson in on the fact that there is a predator loose in his flock. It may not make you popular, but at least your conscience will be clear.

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